You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

[suggestionsplease1]

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

@RamItBunty

You’re indeed correct an actual expert has probably written a chapter on the positioning of the jo malone candles and the decanted wine. Certainty there will be jo malone candles light, and machinations regard their strategic placement will inevitably cause the host to be late.

You're being incredibly unpleasant and aggressive for someone who is concerned that other people are being impolite and/or exclusionary.

7.02 unless The Archers is on. Then it'd be 7.17

Dearie me. That’s all a bit histrionic of you.It’s permissible for someone to disagree with you, without reaching for your smelling salts or complaining about tone. You over reacting doesn’t negate any of my points, it simply illustrates you’re being critical as a defense mechanism

People do tend to get a bit aggressive when they’re feeling embarrassed and/or self-conscious. There’s really no need, though.

You don’t need to be offended that you didn’t realise there are other social mores to those you were brought up with. If you/your guests/your hosts are happy then you just keep doing you. Trying to make yourself feel better by twisting mutually understood conventions of courtesy towards a host into some kind of social desperation is just silly. As is pretending that it’s sooooo complicated and sooooo hard to understand - it’s perfectly straightforward. And the narrative that it’s specifically intended to be exclusionary and all an elaborate game to ‘out you’ well I don’t even know what to say about that. It’s not about you. At all. It’s just the way things are done.

About 7.10. My SIL is always bloody early (up to 1/2 hour) which does my head in.

7.15 I am always running late

@Ariela

7.02 unless The Archers is on. Then it'd be 7.17

@Womencanlift

I can’t imagine living my life where you have to look up a book to tell you how to behave around other people

If that’s how the middle or upper classes want to live then they I am sure they are happy

Us working class people will crawl back into our hole where we have arrived at the time the hole owner has noted in their invitation and have a lovely time with no judgement

I was brought up not to be late for things as it’s rude. It shows a lack of respect for the other persons time and/or efforts

Whether one appreciates it or not, the documenting of social customs, protocol, manners and etiquette has been going on for centuries. It's an interesting aspect of sociology.

Jeering at it makes a person seem insecure and immature, to say the least.

Another interesting area of sociology is the changing of norms over time as society evolves

So something that was relevant centuries ago, or even decades ago, can and should be challenged

As close to seven as possible for me, maybe five past, I think it’s really rude to be late.

@Womencanlift

Another interesting area of sociology is the changing of norms over time as society evolves

So something that was relevant centuries ago, or even decades ago, can and should be challenged

Challenged politely, but that's not what is happening here.

And most comments favor the notion of a guest arriving slightly after the designated time. It's not at all out of the modern norm.

I'd probably get there a few minutes late. Give them time dot the i's and cross the t's.

@Ninkanink

People do tend to get a bit aggressive when they’re feeling embarrassed and/or self-conscious. There’s really no need, though.

You don’t need to be offended that you didn’t realise there are other social mores to those you were brought up with. If you/your guests/your hosts are happy then you just keep doing you. Trying to make yourself feel better by twisting mutually understood conventions of courtesy towards a host into some kind of social desperation is just silly. As is pretending that it’s sooooo complicated and sooooo hard to understand - it’s perfectly straightforward. And the narrative that it’s specifically intended to be exclusionary and all an elaborate game to ‘out you’ well I don’t even know what to say about that. It’s not about you. At all. It’s just the way things are done.

Well said.

It's rather childish to take such umbrage over a well-known social custom.

What the eff is wrong with you all? Invited at 7pm... arrive at 7pm. Later than that is just damn rude and ignorant. You do that at my house you wont be invited back.

My understanding is:

"7 for 730" - doesn't matter when you arrive as long as it isn't later than 730 but I'm kind of expecting folk to filter in from about 7.05

"7pm sharp" - please arrive at 7pm

7.05-7.15. I hate people who turn up early as I'm usually in some state of undress, dinner chaos or both.

A little bit after 7 in case they are rushing to get things ready, no later than 7:15

This post is strange 😂 I would say at 7. Otherwise they would have said 7.08 or what ever other weird times people said 😆

7.10

I always arrive around 10 mins early. Always the first at parties 😂

You lot that are late make sure your host isn’t Swedish! I’d be there at 6:55pm. And I’d consider any minute past 7 as late and find it rude. Where I’m from you are late to the cinema if you are not in your seat with your coat off before the adverts starts....

7:10. When I am hosting I appreciate a slightly late arrival as always rushing around till the last minute.

7 or 5 mins past

7pm on the dot. I despise lateness. I also despise it when people are early.
If I am cooking dinner I time it perfectly.
Being late, or early is the height of rudeness.

@Delphigirl

This is a class issue. Those who know to arrive at 7.10-7.15 are middle class and those who say 6.55, oooh no you can’t be late, how rude etc are not. Sorry I don’t make the rules

I'm so conflicted. I know the rules and yet I just don't do late. hence 1901, it's the BEST I CAN DO.