You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

[suggestionsplease1]

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

7.30-7.45, but then I live in Spain and everyone is late for everything. Plus dinner is almost never served before 9pm and that's considered early. Loved reading the cultural differences on this thread!

Bang head on table if you wish,it doesn’t illuminate or support your insubstantial point
I don’t presume every host is a flake who isn’t dressed on time or I’ll prepared. So You invite me at 7, I’m ringing the bell at 7. I’m not engaging in some convoluted game of wonder what time the host really wants guests to arrive. I’m not going to late to demonstrate my good manners

I hate late arrivals. If I say come at 7pm then that’s when I want you to turn up. I hate having to juggle the meal when people are late.

I agree
Laughing at this notion that being late is a courtesy and well mannered

This whole ‘juggling the meal’ thing is odd to me - surely you’re only ‘juggling the meal’ if you need people to eat as soon as they arrive. And most people (well, everyone I know) don’t eat when they arrive.

There’s at least an hour of socialising before eating. This idea of timing everything to the minute doesn’t sound very relaxed and convivial.

I think the main thing I’m taking away from this thread is that although everyone has different expectations, for the most part, their social group behaves the same, so whatever you do is fine!

Crazy to presume that when people say "come round at 7" they actually mean "don't you fucking dare ring by doorbell until 7.15 at the earliest". I would arrive any time from 6.45.

Don't agree that its more "middle class" to be late. Maybe upper class as its part of the dgaf attitude that some very posh, wealthy people have.

This is only really relevant in the UK though. I agree some other countries have a very relaxed concept of time keeping.

Why would you arrive before the time someone has invited you?

I arrive at 7, the time I was invited for. I don't make up imaginary scenarios to justify being late. I'm not expecting to eat on the dot of 7, that's up to the host, but I'm not going to second-guess any of that. Personally I'd be pissed off at people arriving 15 minutes or more late.

The many, many polarising comments show that this is such a cultural thing. I'm still firmly in the camp of arriving at least 15 mins after the invited time. (And wouldn't be ready if someone knocked on my door at 7.00 on the dot, or whatever). But do what your tribe does, is the only path.

If you invited someone for 7 why are you not ready for 7? what’s the issue for unpreparedness @Luckingfovely. Why set a arrival time knowing you won’t be ready and are hoping guests are late

@RamItBunty

I agree Laughing at this notion that being late is a courtesy and well mannered

Being late is not well mannered.

Arriving in the window you are expected to arrive is 🤷

If you are so time-poor that somebody arriving at the time you have specified rather than ten minutes later causes you stress because you are not ready for them perhaps you should review your lifestyle (and the amount of time you waste on Mumsnet ;-)) because that level of busyness really is not healthy.

@TheCrowening then they get to sit and chill for a bit. 👍

I'm starting to think that this thread is probably split between people who have given/attended dinner parties as I know them to be, and those who choose not to.

If dinner parties in the traditional(ish) sense - canapés, Champagne, several courses, wine etc - aren't your thing, then fair enough; the 15 minute window perhaps makes little sense!

@Grellbunt

If you are so time-poor that somebody arriving at the time you have specified rather than ten minutes later causes you stress because you are not ready for them perhaps you should review your lifestyle (and the amount of time you waste on Mumsnet ;-)) because that level of busyness really is not healthy.

You are so right.

Come on people, get rid of your kids, quit your job, and make an effort to concentrate on your diner party and the guests rudely turning up early.
Or stop having friends, it can't be healthy to have a life!

No
It’s not an issue of canapés or tasting menus. It’s simply be explicit what the Earliest time you want guests to arrive
Don’t do a convoluted dance hoping hints & etiquette mean that guests will arrive late
Finally if you’re inviting guests for 7 be ready, don’t be faffing about not dressed and I’ll prepared at 7

Don’t do a convoluted dance hoping hints & etiquette mean that guests will arrive late

But it's not that: it's observing a considerate dinner party tradition that's been around for goodness knows how long. I don't know anyone in rl who doesn't observe it for dinner parties.

I remember my parents observing le quart d'heure de politesse decades ago!

@Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat

I'm starting to think that this thread is probably split between people who have given/attended dinner parties as I know them to be, and those who choose not to.

If dinner parties in the traditional(ish) sense - canapés, Champagne, several courses, wine etc - aren't your thing, then fair enough; the 15 minute window perhaps makes little sense!

I agree - I note that a lot of the people saying they'd arrive at 7.15 are saying it's what they do, whereas most of the '6.45 is ideal' people are phrasing it as 'I would do this', as if it's a hypothetical.

6.50 or 7.15 😬 I'm there when I'm there, we all run on the same shit show schedule.

Perhaps it's like an "in-joke" - everyone knows their friend is crap at being organised and on time so everyone politely comes 30 minutes late and they pretend that it's them not her.

It’s not considerate to be late. It’s simply contrived lateness
Traditional? You mean habituation that some engage in. It’s not a rule it’s a habit
I don’t know anyone who arrives late and considers themselves considerate guests who are honouring tradition

Looking to make an entrance perhaps. I waited an hour and a half after agreed time to eat at 33 weeks pregnant and the late comer swanned in all smiles at 9pm.. For a 7.30 dinner. Very annoying and people were openly pissed off.

@NutterflyEffect

There's literally no other situation where saying a time means turn up late.

Every other time means be there by the specified time. You don't turn up for a drs appointment late, or a job interview or work. You can't turn up for your train late. A meal out if the table is booked for 6 you get there for 6pm. This thread explains why none of my patients ever turn up on time!

Its really bizarre to expect people to suddenly change this and turn up 15 minutes late. If you need them to be 15 minutes late just tell them 7.15. I honestly just don't understand why if you say 7pm why you'd be running around at 7.15, you need to move everything back by 15minutes.
If you can't because of work or whatever say 15 minutes later.

Tbh for me Id much rather my guests turn up 5 minutes early rather than more than 15 minutes late. If they arrive after 7.15 Id be worrying that they were standing me up, Id be twiddling my thumbs because Id prepared for 7pm. Thats going to cause me more stress than just being a bit early

You are confusing business and social etiquette.

www.etiquetteschoolofamerica.com/the-best-time-to-arrive-at-business-and-social-events/

Early is rude for dinner. We always serve dinner at least 40 mins after investigation the time - up till then ok one is late.