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Original poster

You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

853 replies

suggestionsplease1 · 01/07/2021 23:25

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

OP posts:
Rosesareyellow · 02/07/2021 18:00

7.01

TapirTastic · 02/07/2021 18:09

If you’re my in-laws, 6:30, which I think is actually incredibly rude - almost ruder than being very late.

kindaclassy · 02/07/2021 18:11

Really? You go and visit another family for the weekend and spend the time eating separately from the children? That's weird.

You never invite other friends around when you have someone staying over? Really? Confused

and yes, in large groups kids eat separately. They love it, adults prefer it, and everyone is happy. I don't know any kid who sees eating at the adult table as a treat!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
maddy68 · 02/07/2021 18:22

I would arrive at 7 for drinks and chat , I would expect to eat around 8 ish.

miltonj · 02/07/2021 18:24

@Palavah

See, now I'm thinking that if you're going to turn up early or on the dot I will have to shift the time back so I'm ready in case, but you'll not be eating any earlier so you'll all have to sit eating crisps and getting pissed for an hour rather than 30 mins. It's your own time you're wasting...
Makes no sense at all....getting pissed off that your guests have arrived when you told them to come? Just tell them what time you actually want them to arrive. Not everyone speaks stuffy, formal, middle class code. It's weird and not fair on people who simply have no idea that you think they're being rude.
kindaclassy · 02/07/2021 18:27

It's weird and not fair on people who simply have no idea that you think they're being rude.
but now you do know.

so will you arrive on time, or at the polite expected time?

Quaggars · 02/07/2021 18:34

@Palavah

See, now I'm thinking that if you're going to turn up early or on the dot I will have to shift the time back so I'm ready in case, but you'll not be eating any earlier so you'll all have to sit eating crisps and getting pissed for an hour rather than 30 mins. It's your own time you're wasting...
Lol, that would be the time you said to arrive though! What is the actual point of telling people to turn up at a certain time and then not being ready when they do?! The person being impolite here would be the one who couldn't be arsed pulling themselves together on time for their friends arrival and then leave the guests to themselves as the host presumably carries on faffing about until they deem the guests worthy of their presence Grin
ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 02/07/2021 18:46

Only on MN is an invitation to dinner at 7 interpreted as a summons to arrive at 7 on the dot, to then immediately sit down and eat the dinner😂

Bit like a parallel universe

Kinda glad that I live in my own universe

To me, the drink and snacks before dinner are the best bit 🙃

Ninkanink · 02/07/2021 18:56

I’m back. And people still aren’t getting the point at all!

The point is, whatever time is stated, there is a small chance the host might have had unforeseen issues. A considerate guest makes allowances for that possibility, so that they do not embarrass their host or cause awkwardness.

If host states 7 they may still not be all set and ready on the dot...

If host states half past 7 they may still not be all set and ready on the dot...

If host states 8 they may still not be all set and ready on the dot...

It is a courtesy on the part of the guest.

Bangs. Head. On. Table.

BiscuitsNoMore · 02/07/2021 19:01

Any arrangement I've made with friends they've always arrives just before or bang on the dot.
I do the same.?

sunlight81 · 02/07/2021 19:18

Anytime between 7 and 7:30. However I would have text when on my way to give an ETA

CuckooCuckooClock · 02/07/2021 19:22

This whole thread sounds really stressful to me. Arrive when you arrive! Early or late, chill out and have a nice time. I cannot imagine caring about a few mins here or there. Dinner with friends is supposed to be fun! If I invite you for dinner at 7 and you’re early, we’ll chat while I tidy/cook/empty the dishwasher. If you’re very late we might have started eating without you. None of my friends would give either scenario a second thought.

bunnytheegghunter · 02/07/2021 19:30

I would rather guests be early than late. I'm the type of person who has to be there early as I can't bare to be late! I would rather be an hour early than a few minutes late 🙈
For a dinner party I would aim to be as close to the time stated as possible.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 02/07/2021 19:36

@Ninkanink

I’m back. And people still aren’t getting the point at all!

The point is, whatever time is stated, there is a small chance the host might have had unforeseen issues. A considerate guest makes allowances for that possibility, so that they do not embarrass their host or cause awkwardness.

If host states 7 they may still not be all set and ready on the dot...

If host states half past 7 they may still not be all set and ready on the dot...

If host states 8 they may still not be all set and ready on the dot...

It is a courtesy on the part of the guest.

Bangs. Head. On. Table.

But the trouble is, as soon as that becomes the convention, 7.15 becomes the "real" start time when I'm realistically expected to arrive. So really, I should leave it another ten minutes, to avoid embarrassing the host in the event that unforeseen issues arise. Sooner or later you're having conversations like "I can't remember, is it 3.05am we arrive for a 7pm dinner, or are we up to 3.25am now?"
Ninkanink · 02/07/2021 19:45

No. That’s not how it works.

Because that would be silly.

It’s Friday night, though, and I’m off to enjoy a few drinks and plan our next dinner party! Wink

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 02/07/2021 19:45

Any arrangement I've made with friends they've always arrives just before or bang on the dot. I do the same

I think this kind of nails my earlier point about finding your people/social group where people generally know what the 'rules' (not actual rules, obv) are, and everyone does the same thing.

If your friendship group does things a certain way - bang on time, eat when you get there, and everyone loves it, then perfect.

No-one in my circle would dream of turning up early (extremely unwelcome) or bang on time. It would always be 10 - 15 minutes after the 'appointed time,' indeed, the French le quart d’heure de politesse.

Crunchymum · 02/07/2021 19:55

Given that literally 0.0001% of hosts would invite guests to arrive at the exact time dinner is served, I think anything in the 6.55pm - 7.10pm region would work for a 7pm invite.

Dalooah · 02/07/2021 20:02

I was once invited to a wedding where the invite said 6.30pm but the host knowing how punctual I was told me not to arrive before 8. I was there at 8 and there were only 3 other guests there! 😳😳😳

Littlehouseinthebigcity · 02/07/2021 20:14

@kindaclassy
I think I may have misunderstood slightly - I just assumed hosting as in having friends over for dinner, which we did several times per week pre Covid times. It would sometimes be with the kids, sometimes after they've gone to bed, generally relaxed occasions but with a set time that dinner was going to be served! I haven't hosted a formal dinner party in a while, and we're not big drinkers so i guess what we do during the week isn't quite what the question is asking. However I was still brought up that being late is rude and generally says you think your time is more important than the other persons, so still struggling to understand deliberately being late if you've been given a time to arrive!

And to a pp I both work and host regularly, and guests being late is one of my pet peeves! So I guess it takes all sorts!

drpet49 · 02/07/2021 20:15

Just after 7pm

beentoldcomputersaysno · 02/07/2021 21:00

I didn't know the whole meant to be late thing and stress when I'm running a bit late (nearly always)! It seems I've finally got it right without realising! I am always relieved to receive an "I'm running late" text!

chipshopElvis · 02/07/2021 21:04

7pm! I would have arrived a lot earlier and it would have been a tough wait.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/07/2021 21:14

@kindaclassy

It's weird and not fair on people who simply have no idea that you think they're being rude. but now you do know.

so will you arrive on time, or at the polite expected time?

But it still depends on the host cos if o said 7 and you rocked up at 20 last I'd think you late / rude
Hydrate · 02/07/2021 21:32

7 pm.

TheCrowening · 02/07/2021 22:12

@Ninkanink

I’m back. And people still aren’t getting the point at all!

The point is, whatever time is stated, there is a small chance the host might have had unforeseen issues. A considerate guest makes allowances for that possibility, so that they do not embarrass their host or cause awkwardness.

If host states 7 they may still not be all set and ready on the dot...

If host states half past 7 they may still not be all set and ready on the dot...

If host states 8 they may still not be all set and ready on the dot...

It is a courtesy on the part of the guest.

Bangs. Head. On. Table.

And if they don’t have unforeseen issues?