You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

[suggestionsplease1]

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

19.01
After having walked around the block to kill time.
Im irish so this used to astonish english people who though all irish people late!

RamItBunty

If I invite you at 7:30, I don't expect you until 7:45

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

New Year is different - that can be more of a family occasion.

For dinner with friends any other time, I'd be really shocked if their kids sat down to dinner with us!

so would I. Even when kids are around (unavoidable when you are actually spending the entire weekend with friends for example )

they always go on a kids table and have diner before the adults.

7pm, no I don't want you turning up 15/20 mins late. Its rude.....

I didn't realise the discussion was only around evening dinner parties!

6.50 because I always like to be a little early.

@kindaclassy
I’ll be bang on time, staring through the letter box. Demanding to be let in 1930 on the button

Between 7.05pm and 7.15pm at the latest , usually around 7.10pm to be perfect

I would double check if dinner is being served at 7pm or if you are to be there at 7pm and dinner will be served shortly after (I would expect it to be within a half hour of my arrival in that case).

Either way, I'd probably turn up between 6.50 and 6.55 or so.

@kindaclassy

I again think its quite arrogant to assume that everyone can read your mind and know the appropriate social etiquette for you, when this thread has shown lots of others feel differently.

Social etiquette does not change. It's people deciding on their own arbitrary rules because they don't agree with "manners" that change.

Everybody I know follows the same rules for the country they live in, so it's obviously not that hard.

Well, I'm an immigrant and in every country I've been in, there is a wide range of ideas on what is and is not 'good manners' with class, regional and subcultural factors which do change - it's not like we're all using the same etiquette as the Victorians.

Social norms around us determine social etiquette and as many people's social circles will have a bias on those factors, it can appear everyone is doing the same thing when many aren't and some social norms may not be as well represented by Google and the media.

The social norm in my circle is actually to give a time window for a social event start -- so recently it was 'let's meet at 4-4:30 for...' and I've a weekly gaming night that starts at '8-8:20'. Maybe that's not proper social etiquette, but it works for those I know. Without that, I would ask because I know I don't always understand social norms even when they're easy for others and that I'm far more literal and maybe naive that when someone says they've organized something for 7, I actually tend to believe them unless they tell me otherwise.

7pm

Oh dear - think I must be doing it wrong. I'd turn up at about 6.50.

7.10

Although, with my close friends it would be more like 7.30

Arrive and ring the doorbell anytime from 6:50 to 7:10 anything else and you're either too early or too late.
I'd expect to start eating at around 7:30 and have been presented with or at least offered a glass of something when I arrived.

@LookItsMeAgain

Arrive and ring the doorbell anytime from 6:50 to 7:10 anything else and you're either too early or too late. I'd expect to start eating at around 7:30 and have been presented with or at least offered a glass of something when I arrived.

If you rang my bell before 7.10 you'd be getting the snacks and drinks together yourself!

See, now I'm thinking that if you're going to turn up early or on the dot I will have to shift the time back so I'm ready in case, but you'll not be eating any earlier so you'll all have to sit eating crisps and getting pissed for an hour rather than 30 mins. It's your own time you're wasting...

@Luckingfovely

7.15. Any earlier would be terribly rude!

Yes, I agree.

6.55pm. I'd have built in enough 'just-in-case' time for a 4 car pile up, so I'd have been waiting around the corner, hungry, for about 20 minutes by then.

On the flip-side, if I'm host I'll have been ready by 5.30pm, clock watching and tutting by 6.50pm.

@Thethingswedoforlove

Don’t people usually say why don’t you come at 7 for 7.30 which means you can basically come after 7 but we will be serving at 7.30 so I wd Aim for 7.05-7.10

This.

@kindaclassy

I again think its quite arrogant to assume that everyone can read your mind and know the appropriate social etiquette for you, when this thread has shown lots of others feel differently.

Social etiquette does not change. It's people deciding on their own arbitrary rules because they don't agree with "manners" that change.

Everybody I know follows the same rules for the country they live in, so it's obviously not that hard.

I don't think saying come at X and meaning come at Y is about manners. It's more like the kind of etiquette that is designed to confuse people who aren't "in" enough to understand the rules. It's a great of whether you're them or us. Basic good manners means turn up when you're told so if you use manners not the insider knowledge, you're outed.

Definitely not before 7 pm.

I would get there just after 7 pm. I think it is ridiculous and old-fashioned to say 7 pm when you actually mean significantly later.

@kindaclassy
so would I. Even when kids are around (unavoidable when you are actually spending the entire weekend with friends for example ) they always go on a kids table and have diner before the adults.

Really? You go and visit another family for the weekend and spend the time eating separately from the children? That's weird.

To answer the question - if invited "for dinner at 7" I would specifically double-check with the person speaking whether they were inviting me to turn up at 7 (come at 7, to have dinner) or intended to eat at 7 (come, to have dinner-at-7). I grew up with people saying things like "7 for 7:30" and have always assumed that earliest arrival time is at least 30 minutes before planned eating time; but I'm vaguely aware that some people don't work that way so am always prepared to check.

If invited to arrive at seven (unlikely to be invited for "seven-o'-clock" in such circumstances) I would aim to be walking through the gate at 7:05 and expect to be the first one there. Wouldn't even start fretting until my arrival time got past 7:15, wouldn't apologise till 7:25.

(And I would have made sure I had a late lunch, because I normally eat at 6:15...)

7.06pm

If i was spending a weekend with someone, or on holiday with them, I'd expect to eat with any kids who were present.

At a dinner party, I'd expect there to be no kids present unless they were older teenagers.

Dinner parties are adult occasions whereas staying with someone for the weekend isn't.