You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

[suggestionsplease1]

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

6.55

There's literally no other situation where saying a time means turn up late.

Every other time means be there by the specified time. You don't turn up for a drs appointment late, or a job interview or work. You can't turn up for your train late. A meal out if the table is booked for 6 you get there for 6pm. This thread explains why none of my patients ever turn up on time!

Its really bizarre to expect people to suddenly change this and turn up 15 minutes late. If you need them to be 15 minutes late just tell them 7.15. I honestly just don't understand why if you say 7pm why you'd be running around at 7.15, you need to move everything back by 15minutes.
If you can't because of work or whatever say 15 minutes later.

Tbh for me Id much rather my guests turn up 5 minutes early rather than more than 15 minutes late. If they arrive after 7.15 Id be worrying that they were standing me up, Id be twiddling my thumbs because Id prepared for 7pm. Thats going to cause me more stress than just being a bit early

Also I really can't beleive anyone is still reading etiquette books in 2021.

Is a 7pm invit' that unusual?

I can’t think I’ve ever been invited anywhere at 7. Unless a corporate function. With friends it’s nearly always 8 with dinner at 9. If i had people turning up at 6:50 everyone would be too sloshed to eat

There's literally no other situation where saying a time means turn up late.

Pretty much any occasion where you are going to a person's house does. It is completely different to, say, a doctor's appointment (people are late because they haven't factored in enough time, nothing else) or a restaurant where they will often have someone booked in before or after you.

7:10 - never arrive early for dinner at someone’s house. Dinner at a restaurant 7.00pm

I'm coming round to thinking that people think it's 'polite' or worse - 'helpful' - to turn up early to a dinner party, or think that knocking on the door at 7.10 pm is the height of rudeness, might have a different sort of 'come round to dinner' in mind.

In my circle, you don't plonk food on the table at 7.00 pm at a dinner party. Literally no one expects to eat at 7 pm, they expect a glass of something nice and a few canapés, with some chat and so on for the first hour.

As a pp said, we probably end up socialising with people who socialise in a similar way to each other anyway, which is why the 6.55-ers cannot comprehend why their behaviour is rude, and the 7.15-ers are baffled that the 7.00 pm-sharpers are expecting food to be plonked down while they've still got their coats on!

Why does every1 like to be late? A time has been set so arrive at that time 7pm. You don't turn up for work 10 minutes later.

Every other time means be there by the specified time. You don't turn up for a drs appointment late, or a job interview or work. You can't turn up for your train late. A meal out if the table is booked for 6 you get there for 6pm. This thread explains why none of my patients ever turn up on time!

I don't know, I have never treated a drs appointment, a job interview or a train journey as a social occasion and turned up with a bottle of wine for the doctor or the train driver.

Maybe that's just me?

7.10pm

There's literally no other situation where saying a time means turn up late

Parties?

Think I would ask the hostess what time she would like me to arrive and arrive at that time. I might expect her to say we will we be eating until X time so if you arrive anytime after 7pm or we will be eating at 7pm so if you arrive just before that will be fine etc.
Usually friends or I would say come round anytime after 6pm but we won’t be eating until just after 7pm etc.

Why does every1 like to be late?

But as this thread shows, the majority of posters (I think it's the majority) know that there is a window of polite arrival. It's not late.

You don't turn up for work 10 minutes later

No, but this is a dinner party. It's completely different.

I've seen similar threds before and yet am still amazed at the number of people who would aim to be late

I mean, in reality, when the invitation were issued, I would check "Dinner served at 7 or '7 for 7.30'?" but, in the absence of that, I would be ringing the doorbell at 7pm.

If time given doesn't mean that time, then why say that time ?

Fab to know that this is a middle class shibboleth. I'll be there at 6.55 with my flat cap and whippet so my host knows what's what.

@Justme10

So people don't want guests to turn up 5 minutes early because of 'last minute preparations' but food won't be served until 8ish? What needs doing in those 5 minutes that means people can't arrive a few minutes before the time you told them to come at?

My hair and make up!

Is it a middle class thing ?

I'm confused now

Between 7.10pm and 7.15pm.

I have a very lovely friend with one significant flaw, in that she is pathologically early.

If I've invited her round, I have to be SUPER organised, as I know, as sure as eggs is eggs, that she will inevitably be on my doorstep 20 mins before the agreed time.

I think what I’ve learnt from this thread is how many people struggle with nuance.

Dinner party or party = social occasion. Work/appointments = not a social occasion.

Whycan't people just say what they mean? Luckily, my friends understand that 7 means 7, and dinner will be served after a preprandial drink or two and some nibbles.

Dh would have us there at 6:55 (1855 to him) but has learned that early is bad outside of the army so would wait until 1900. I would try to hold him back until ten past 7.

7 on the dot I’d pull up in the car and I ring the bell about 7.01 to be exact!

I am still curious.

Do people genuinely serve food to guests the minute they walk through the door?

You ring the bell, come in, take coat off and sit down for food? Really?

@RampantIvy

Whycan't people just say what they mean? Luckily, my friends understand that 7 means 7, and dinner will be served after a preprandial drink or two and some nibbles.

Sigh.

People do say what they mean. It’s just understood by guests that it’s a good idea to be considerate that the host might appreciate a few more minutes if anything’s come up.

In any case this is getting tedious now. Let’s just all stick with what we’re doing and everyone will be happy. Except fgs don’t be early.

7pm on the dot. I hate all these bullshit unspoken rules, if you want me there at 7:20, say so.