You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

[suggestionsplease1]

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

7pm , although I would probably text in advance to check they weren’t expecting me to be earlier so they could serve up at 7 on the dot.
Unexpected earliness is just as rude as lateness in my view

I would definitely arrive between 7:15 and 7:30. If I got there earlier I would apologize for being 'very punctual'. That said, most invites I give and receive tend to say "arrive from X:XX" and people are expected 15-30mins later. I've never really thought about it too much, it's just what I do, and most of my friends do too.

For my parents generation, this was very much the norm, and everybody knew it. Nowadays, I feel like we have more informal 'friends for dinner' gatherings rather than formal dinner parties, and it's not so much of an issue when they turn up.

Except that time I was bumped off my flight, and put our party back 2 hours so I would definitely be there. The flight was delayed, and I was still in the bath when friends arrived five minutes before my adjusted start time. I thought that was a bit much, as I had kept them all fully updated on the situation. Other friends suitably arrived 20-30mins later.

Can’t believe people think it’s ok to arrive before the invited time. It’s so rude. If you arrived before 7 I would not be inviting you back! PILs unfortunately excepted

So people don't want guests to turn up 5 minutes early because of 'last minute preparations' but food won't be served until 8ish?
What needs doing in those 5 minutes that means people can't arrive a few minutes before the time you told them to come at?

@Justme10

So people don't want guests to turn up 5 minutes early because of 'last minute preparations' but food won't be served until 8ish? What needs doing in those 5 minutes that means people can't arrive a few minutes before the time you told them to come at?

surely you prepare everything that can be prepared before the guests arrive so you don't disappear in the kitchen leaving your guests plonked there?

What is so hard to understand?

Are people trying to justify being rude and arriving early?

No I just don't understand why you would invite someone at 7 and still be doing prep 5 minutes before that, surely that's more a time keeping issue of the host not the guest?
And if you are still doing prep just give your guests a drink and continue with whatever your doing.

Even if you don't understand it, it doesn't mean you shouldn't show basic manners and turn up at the wrong time when you are not expected 🤷

7:04

It’s why traditional invitations say e.g. 7 for 7.30 i.e. arrive anytime after 7pm for a drink, and food will be served at 7.30pm. In that scenario there’s a clear window to arrive.

Yes that’s what I usually say - or rather for me, it’d be 7:30 for 8 as 7:30 is quite early to eat really.

7:30 is quite early to eat really

Yes but this is MN where half the people have had their dinner and are in their pyjamas by 4.30!

@suggestionsplease1
I think you've got your second thread idea now - "You've invited your friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you actually serve dinner?"
Seems it would be similarly interesting!!

I'm with the 7.10 crew. And there is nothing, NOTHING ruder than being early.

It's the height of arrogance to assume your early arrival is to "help".

Things I would be most likely doing in the 6.45-7pm window:
Finishing drying hair
Makeup
Final food prep
Running around manically trying to find a corkscrew

Things I would most likely be doing if my guests have the good sense to arrive slightly later:
Pouring a drink
Sitting down
Taking off apron
Big sigh

As my Early Guest, why would you assume your presence is helpful???
ARGH!!

For me it seems more rude to expect your guests to wait round the corner or drive around until 15 minutes after the time the invite states.

I only invite friends that are always welcome in my home though and I can't get annoyed at them for being 5 minutes early but being 15 minutes late without a text and I would think they were being rude and inconsiderate so we are all different.

But absolutely no-one our age understands this and arrives at 7.30pm looking confused or ask if it's between the two
You could say 'arrive at 7 for dinner at 7.30' to be totally clear.

@Justme10

For me it seems more rude to expect your guests to wait round the corner or drive around until 15 minutes after the time the invite states.

I only invite friends that are always welcome in my home though and I can't get annoyed at them for being 5 minutes early but being 15 minutes late without a text and I would think they were being rude and inconsiderate so we are all different.

You don’t do that though. You simply plan to show up 10 minutes past the time stated instead of on the dot. Really not difficult.

@PattyPan

7:30 is quite early to eat really

Yes but this is MN where half the people have had their dinner and are in their pyjamas by 4.30!

that is also true.

and equally puzzling.

And there is nothing, NOTHING ruder than being early.

OH Y
I had a friend who thought it was being “helpful” to arrive 20 minutes early AND

Less traffic/public transport being quicker than expected can mean you get somewhere earlier though and I would hate to think my friends wouldn't feel welcome enough to knock the door and come in because they are early

If I was inviting someone around and I said come for 7 I'd expect them to come for 7. I wouldn't expect to eat at 7 or anywhere near 7 really, but personally if I arrange to meet someone at a set time, I stick to that time otherwise neither person knows what to expect -and really, there's no point of actually saying a time in that case.

Damn’ clumsy fingers

My friend would arrive early and bearing a dish of vegetables or a salad because “I thought you might need this”

So there is something ruder!

[quote Cavagirl]@suggestionsplease1
I think you've got your second thread idea now - "You've invited your friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you actually serve dinner?"
Seems it would be similarly interesting!!

I'm with the 7.10 crew. And there is nothing, NOTHING ruder than being early.

It's the height of arrogance to assume your early arrival is to "help".

Things I would be most likely doing in the 6.45-7pm window:
Finishing drying hair
Makeup
Final food prep
Running around manically trying to find a corkscrew

Things I would most likely be doing if my guests have the good sense to arrive slightly later:
Pouring a drink
Sitting down
Taking off apron
Big sigh

As my Early Guest, why would you assume your presence is helpful???
ARGH!! [/quote]
This. And while I'm envious of those people who have so much time and are so organised that they can spend the entire day prepping the meal, laying the table, cleaning the loo and making sure there's plenty of loo roll and soap and towels and all the other things required if you're doing more than a kitchen table supper with mates, the reality is that many of us have full time jobs and don't have cleaners or other household help — so the last hour before people are due to start arriving is often very busy, particularly if you're trying to be a good host.

My guess is that all the people who think being a few minutes late is outrageously rude don't host themselves, or perhaps don't work. Otherwise they'd realise how vital those 10-15 extra minutes are.

[quote Cavagirl]@suggestionsplease1
I think you've got your second thread idea now - "You've invited your friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you actually serve dinner?"
Seems it would be similarly interesting!!

I'm with the 7.10 crew. And there is nothing, NOTHING ruder than being early.

It's the height of arrogance to assume your early arrival is to "help".

Things I would be most likely doing in the 6.45-7pm window:
Finishing drying hair
Makeup
Final food prep
Running around manically trying to find a corkscrew

Things I would most likely be doing if my guests have the good sense to arrive slightly later:
Pouring a drink
Sitting down
Taking off apron
Big sigh

As my Early Guest, why would you assume your presence is helpful???
ARGH!! [/quote]

All of this.

I collect etiquette books and all etiquette authorities advise arriving about 10 - 15 minutes after the stated time to give hosts a bit of a buffer.

7-ish, I’m always late.

If I said 7 I’d mean 7 and by 7:15 would be wondering about the delay.

If I said 7 ish I’d expect guests any time from 6:45 to 7:30.

[quote PegasusReturns]@RampantIvy I’m from the U.K. specifically London and in circles where “dinner parities” (which include everything from a kitchen supper to a catered sit down for 10+) are a regular occurrence.

The requirement to turn up “late” is a very specific to the dinner at home scenario. I would never turn up late for a restaurant booking, dental appointment or anything else.[/quote]
Exactly.

Many people on this thread seem focused on getting there for the food. Traditionally dinner parties are for socializing; the food is incidental and it's rather tacky to focus on it. If your host invites you for 8 it is presumed there will be some mingling before the chow arrives. Hence leeway to arrive during the mingling period. You don't expect a. dozen people to be queuing on the doorstep at 8 sharp like it's a McDonald's.

@Savoury

My husband does this weird "7 for 7.30pm" thing which no-one in our social circles understands except him. In his parents' circle of friends, this meant arrive around 7pm but dinner is 7.30pm. But absolutely no-one our age understands this and arrives at 7.30pm looking confused or ask if it's between the two - i.e. 7.15.

Now I tell him to say 7pm and we'll have dinner ready to serve around 7.45/8pm when we've had drinks, maybe nibbles, put any flowers that come into water etc.

It's not weird. He is using a form of invitation suggested in many an etiquette book. Kudos to him.