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Original poster

You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

853 replies

suggestionsplease1 · 01/07/2021 23:25

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

OP posts:
PerciphonePuma · 02/07/2021 09:57

@suggestionsplease1

I guess I would interpret a 'come over for dinner at 7pm' invite as being more along the lines of arrive around then, rather than expect your dinner on the table at that time. I think I would expect the inviter to clarify if they meant the latter.

When I was thinking of this myself I reckoned 7.07pm would be the perfect doorbell ringing time. If all went according to plan, which it rarely does.

I was just wondering in case all of mumsnet thought that it would be impolite to arrive before 7.20 say, or after 7pm.

I'd be annoyed if you arrived at 7:07pm. Incredibly rude to be late
EmpressSuiko · 02/07/2021 09:58

@Ninkanink luckily it’s never been an issue and I don’t think I could deal with people if they had this unsaid expectation of when I should actually arrive. It’s too much work, I like people to say what they actually mean.

PerciphonePuma · 02/07/2021 09:58

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar One family arrived at 3.30 and the others at 3.45

If it was my dinner party, then they would've missed the meal Hmm How staggeringly rude

Interested in this thread?

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General relationships
Shoxfordian · 02/07/2021 10:00

I’d arrive at the time I was invited so 7pm

irregularegular · 02/07/2021 10:00

I wonder why so many people think it's rude to be on time. were you all raised in a cave on no manners & responsibilities?
are you always late for school drop off/pick uo, gp appointments, meetings, do you miss trains etc?
or is it a cultural thing?

No. I'm very punctual. I'm almost never late for anything. If I'm arranging to meet someone out for coffee/lunch or just on the street corner for a walk then I aim to be exactly on time and wouldn't be more than a few minutes later, maybe a few minutes early. The exception is when someone invites you to their house because a) you don't want to make them feel under pressure b) in my own personal experience it is totally the norm to come a bit late. So maybe it is "cultural".

Ninkanink · 02/07/2021 10:01

@kindaclassy it’s hard to imagine isn’t it...

In the door and frogmarched direct to the table. Confused

Eh. There’s room enough for everyone in the world. And isn’t it nice - we all tend to end up with our tribe where things are generally done in a way that feels right and comfortable (the power of socialisation!).

godmum56 · 02/07/2021 10:01

@Savoury

My husband does this weird "7 for 7.30pm" thing which no-one in our social circles understands except him. In his parents' circle of friends, this meant arrive around 7pm but dinner is 7.30pm. But absolutely no-one our age understands this and arrives at 7.30pm looking confused or ask if it's between the two - i.e. 7.15.

Now I tell him to say 7pm and we'll have dinner ready to serve around 7.45/8pm when we've had drinks, maybe nibbles, put any flowers that come into water etc.

that's not weird, if not close friends, its useful. It means "if you get here earlier than 7 we will still be running round like headless chickens and we plan to eat at 7.30" if its close friends then I'd say come 7 ish because if they arrive and you still aren't ready, you say help yourself to a drink and we'll be down in a minute...
wendywoopywoo222 · 02/07/2021 10:03

I'm amazed that it's socially correct to be late. That makes absolutely no sense at all to my logical mind. If I have invited you for 7 I would be miffed if you were late without a quick txt to say you were running late. I'd also be ready half an hour early for anyone who arrives early.

Ninkanink · 02/07/2021 10:04

Yes but if you’d been taught that as a matter of course then it would make sense. I’ve a very logical mind and I can cope with the notion...

silkypillow · 02/07/2021 10:04

7:10 probably. Might be late. Never on time in the U.K. surely ?! I personally hate when some rings the doorbell before the time. I need those wonderful few panic minutes.

irregularegular · 02/07/2021 10:04

Aha you see (and I work somewhere where we regularly get ‘x for x:30’ invitations); I would actually read that differently. Fly understanding is that, “come at 7” = “whatever you do don’t arrive before 7:10-7:15”; but “7 for 7:30” means “most people will arrive between 7:15 and 7:25, but it’s absolutely fine to arrive bang on 7 if you are desperate to get more drinks in before dinner.”

Yup! You've got it!

Littlehouseinthebigcity · 02/07/2021 10:07

Genuinely so shocked by how many of the responses are past 7! If I invited someone for dinner at 7 I would probably aim dinner for about 10 past incase they ran late but would expect 7 to be the absolute latest they planned to arrive! Why deliberately be late? Have I misunderstood something!?

MaMelon · 02/07/2021 10:08

I'm amazed that it's socially correct to be late

Only within a very specific window - anything beyond that specific window is rude. Unless of course the host has given a specific time of eating - in which case, you must not be late.

kindaclassy · 02/07/2021 10:08

@wendywoopywoo222

I'm amazed that it's socially correct to be late. That makes absolutely no sense at all to my logical mind. If I have invited you for 7 I would be miffed if you were late without a quick txt to say you were running late. I'd also be ready half an hour early for anyone who arrives early.
but you are NOT LATE, that's the point. Invitation for 7pm means you are expected around 7:15.

7:45 is late. 8:45 is very late. 9:45 is taking the piss in this culture Grin

RickiTarr · 02/07/2021 10:08

@Littlehouseinthebigcity

Genuinely so shocked by how many of the responses are past 7! If I invited someone for dinner at 7 I would probably aim dinner for about 10 past incase they ran late but would expect 7 to be the absolute latest they planned to arrive! Why deliberately be late? Have I misunderstood something!?
Etiquette is always a bit confusing. I think they wrote it like that as a social trap. The general idea though, is you would have a drink and a chat for half an hour before serving dinner.
RickiTarr · 02/07/2021 10:09

@Ninkanink

Yes but if you’d been taught that as a matter of course then it would make sense. I’ve a very logical mind and I can cope with the notion...
Yes me too. Things that were hammered into you young escape the logic test somehow. Grin
BiBabbles · 02/07/2021 10:10

If it's someone I didn't know well enough, I'd ask and possibly clarify that my arrival would depend on public transport/whatever if there was something that could make me late that I could foresee. As this thread shows, there are way too many different expectations.

Generally, if I've arranged something for a specific time, I expect them within 10 minutes of that time, earlier or later, unless they've told me otherwise.

If someone arrived earlier, it wouldn't bother me much though I'd kinda expect them to offer a hand as that's what I was raised to do, and if more than 15 minutes without any messages, I'd be concerned.

kindaclassy · 02/07/2021 10:12

@Littlehouseinthebigcity

Genuinely so shocked by how many of the responses are past 7! If I invited someone for dinner at 7 I would probably aim dinner for about 10 past incase they ran late but would expect 7 to be the absolute latest they planned to arrive! Why deliberately be late? Have I misunderstood something!?
Even my primary school kids invited for "tea" are never served food for at least 1 hour. Confused

Genuinely, you don't serve drinks before diner?

You don't let your guests sit and relax for a bit, go to the loo wash their hands when they arrive?

RampantIvy · 02/07/2021 10:13

I would be interested to know which culture or background people come from who deem it rude to turn up somewhere on time.

OldTinHat · 02/07/2021 10:14

6.55pm

HotSauceCommittee · 02/07/2021 10:16

We had guests turn up over an hour early for Sunday lunch once. I had wet hair and was ironing. The man said, "we are early because we didn't know how long it would take to get here; we can go for a walk for a bit if it's too early?"
Of course, we didn't make them go on a walk, because we were young and stupid. Now, I would say, "yes, see you in an hour or so".
Dreadful. We never invited them back.
NEVER turn up early.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 02/07/2021 10:16

If I were invited to someone's house for dinner and they showed me to the table for dinner to be served as soon as I arrived (about 7:05 for a 7pm invite, never before 7!), it would feel really uncomfortable and rushed.
That happened once when I was a student - straight in and to the table, then as soon as I had finished my last mouthful, my friend said her boyfriend could give me a lift home. Really weird! Literally invited for dinner and nothing more Grin

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 02/07/2021 10:18

One of my DS's friends' mum is a habitual early arriver. We had DS's picnic birthday party in the park, arrived 15 mins before the invite time to set out the blankets and this boy and his mum were already there waiting Hmm It's quite irritating.

LittleBearPad · 02/07/2021 10:19

@Littlehouseinthebigcity

Genuinely so shocked by how many of the responses are past 7! If I invited someone for dinner at 7 I would probably aim dinner for about 10 past incase they ran late but would expect 7 to be the absolute latest they planned to arrive! Why deliberately be late? Have I misunderstood something!?
But many (most) people wouldn’t serve dinner at the time they expected people. If I invited people for 7 I’d expect to start eating about 7.50/8. Nibbles and drinks before hands whilst people arrive.

Fine if people want to arrive on the dot BUT do not arrive early. It’s incredibly thoughtless.

PegasusReturns · 02/07/2021 10:20

@RampantIvy I’m from the U.K. specifically London and in circles where “dinner parities” (which include everything from a kitchen supper to a catered sit down for 10+) are a regular occurrence.

The requirement to turn up “late” is a very specific to the dinner at home scenario. I would never turn up late for a restaurant booking, dental appointment or anything else.