Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

853 replies

suggestionsplease1 · 01/07/2021 23:25

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 02/07/2021 09:33

Yes I’ve literally (in the literal sense of the word) never had dinner foisted on me the minute I walk in, at any dinner party ever.

Drinks, nibbles. Then later, dinner. So much more relaxed for everyone.👍👍

Maybe it’s a ‘dinner party’ vs. ‘dinner at mine’ thing?

PattyPan · 02/07/2021 09:35

7.05. It’s rude to get there before 7 and I wouldn’t want to get there after 7.10 in case that messed with their cooking timings.

kindaclassy · 02/07/2021 09:37

Maybe it’s a ‘dinner party’ vs. ‘dinner at mine’ thing?

I am not sure, even the most casual diners when you have diner with friends hosting in their kitchen people don't turn up on the dot.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
EmpressSuiko · 02/07/2021 09:38

This is all really confusing, whenever we host we make sure we are ready well before anyone arrives, myself and my family obviously have never run in whatever social circles have this strange unsaid rules on the appropriate arrival times!
I now feel like I need to ask people if they say arrive at this time do they actually mean 10 minutes later? Why can’t people just speak plainly and literally?

Ninkanink · 02/07/2021 09:38

Yes that’s how it is for us too.

Dozycuntlaters · 02/07/2021 09:39

If someone invites me over for dinner and says to be there for 7, then I get there for 7. I don't understand this its rude to get there on time or five minutes early lark, what is going on with everyone today. I only go to dinner with people I know well and feel comfortable with and I can't imagine they care if I am five minutes early. Peoples ideas are so strange sometimes, I don't know anyone in RL who comes out with this clap trap.

IdblowJonSnow · 02/07/2021 09:41

7 to 7 15. Never early!

StaffRepFeistyClub · 02/07/2021 09:41

Never ever before. 7.10 ish is good

7.30 is rude and late

SD1978 · 02/07/2021 09:41

If the invite is for 7, then I arrive at 7. If they wanted me there at 7.15 then I'd assume they would specify that time.

JessicaDamnDay · 02/07/2021 09:42

7.05. DH would want to be there at 6.45, and I've had to gently coax him out of that behaviour.

mindutopia · 02/07/2021 09:44

If they said, come over at 7pm. I'd aim to arrive 7:10-7:15. Dh is super anxious about arrival times and a people pleaser and tries to get everywhere early. He thinks if people say 7pm, they'll be even more pleased you have you there 10 minutes sooner and he wants everyone to be maximally pleased. I have to constantly explain to him that this is really awkward and no one wants you there early if they give you an arrival time. I am always intentionally making us late to everything so we don't show up and people are still in their pj's. Hmm

If they said, dinner will be at 7pm though, I'd have to clarify what time they actually wanted us to arrive, because I don't think it's clear. I'd expect to arrive 30-60 minutes before sitting down to dinner, but wouldn't just show up unless I knew a specific time.

Savoury · 02/07/2021 09:44

My husband does this weird "7 for 7.30pm" thing which no-one in our social circles understands except him. In his parents' circle of friends, this meant arrive around 7pm but dinner is 7.30pm. But absolutely no-one our age understands this and arrives at 7.30pm looking confused or ask if it's between the two - i.e. 7.15.

Now I tell him to say 7pm and we'll have dinner ready to serve around 7.45/8pm when we've had drinks, maybe nibbles, put any flowers that come into water etc.

Ninkanink · 02/07/2021 09:48

Above to @kindaclassy

@EmpressSuiko it’s very easy - 10 to 15 min past stated time is perfect. That’s to allow for any last min prep or disaster averting or psyching up/calming down etc, and is just polite and considerate of the host. The same rule applies across the board so it’s really not ambiguous, nor difficult to understand.

Obviously there’s enough disparity that some people are always going to unintentionally do things that others perceive as rude, either by turning up on time or politely ‘late’. So I’d suggest that if you’re always sitting there on your own or with the host for 10-15 min before others start to arrive, then maybe adjust your arrival time accordingly. If that’s never been an issue then obviously things are different in your circle and you can happily keep doing what you’re doing.

Ninkanink · 02/07/2021 09:48

@Dozycuntlaters it’s not a ‘these days’ thing. 🙄

VettiyaIruken · 02/07/2021 09:49

7-7:05

OldTurtleNewShell · 02/07/2021 09:50

@saraclara

I don't know about the rest of you, but after reading this thread I'm never accepting a dinner invitation again! Its way too perilous!
That's what I'm thinking!
RadandMad · 02/07/2021 09:50

7pm. I assume if a grown adult says a time, then that's the time I'm expected.

33feethighandrising · 02/07/2021 09:51

@Quaggars

7.45-8!

I’m always late

Yeah, you might find you do that often enough people get wise to you and slowly stop inviting you as they can't be arsed waiting around.

Funnily enough, those of us who struggle with timekeeping (coz ADHD, before you ask) do still have friends. Generally, sound and accepting friends not judgemental arses, though.
FlowerArranger · 02/07/2021 09:53

7.10 to 7.15. Late enough to give them a moment to collect themselves but not so late they start to worry you aren't coming.

Absolutely THIS.

Not read the entire thread, but I'm really puzzled by people who you'd show up early. As a hostess I'd be ShockShockShock... Even arriving on the dot at 7 would be too early for most.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 02/07/2021 09:54

Between 6:50 and 7:10

user1471505494 · 02/07/2021 09:54

If I invite someone for dinner at 7.00 I expect them to be there at 7.00 or very close to. 7.15 to me would be late and rather rude. Why would people invite you for a particular time and expect you to arrive later

cheeseismydownfall · 02/07/2021 09:55

7:15

PerciphonePuma · 02/07/2021 09:55

If I invited someone for 7pm then I expect them to arrive by 7pm at the latest. If they turned up at 7:15pm then we'd likely already be eating and would be unlikely to answer the door

kindaclassy · 02/07/2021 09:55

Funnily enough, those of us who struggle with timekeeping (coz ADHD, before you ask) do still have friends. Generally, sound and accepting friends not judgemental arses, though.

I personally wouldn't care about someone late at my home - I might judge but it's not that an inconvenience

but surely you can see that being "always late" is not acceptable when you book something, when your friends are waiting like lemons in a restaurant or to go somewhere? It's selfish too. Some of us are not bothered about sitting alone in a bar or restaurant, but it gives real anxiety to others. I have even known someone who would wait in the street as they couldn't walk alone in a restaurant!

kindaclassy · 02/07/2021 09:57

@PerciphonePuma

If I invited someone for 7pm then I expect them to arrive by 7pm at the latest. If they turned up at 7:15pm then we'd likely already be eating and would be unlikely to answer the door
Genuine question, you don't offer a drink to people? No nibble nothing?