You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

[suggestionsplease1]

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

This country is ridiculous. No wonder so many foreigners find us not to be straightforward.

Normal people recognise that other cultures have different rules, and won't call "rude" someone arriving on the dot because it's expected in their country.

It's only funny or awkward when it's people from your own culture who should know better.

Same with RSVP...

7pm means 7pm to me. I do have a friend whose always arrives before the others (she'd be here at 6.45pm) - really don't mind as I enjoy her company and know it's going to happen.

A couple of minutes after 7pm. Any time before 19:00 is rude. More than about 10 minutes late is also rude.

I would love to know how old respondents are- I agree that to be late to an appointment, or to an agreed meeting place including bars and restaurants is rude; but to a home dinner invitation, 7.00 would definitely mean arrive at 7.10/15 to me. Does anyone else remember the Piat D'or advert, where the French couple arrive in the dot, but the British hosts are in the bath, and they put the wine on the doorstep?! Obviously with close friends you develop new norms, and if I was coming on a bus, I would let the hosts know the closest times it got in. But honestly, it would feel genuinely rude to me to arrive at 7 exactly if a newish invitation! (Unless I was in Sweden, when I would be on time to the second- I think cultural differences are really interesting, and would always have advised non Brits to be slightly late in the above situation!).

Never arrive earlier….unless v close friends or family.

Be there about 10 past.

Germans arrive on the dot as do Japanese.

Italians can 1 to 3 hours later.

It depends on the person who invited me. If I arrived at 7.15pm for dinner at 7 at my parents house they would have finished eating by then!

7.12

My friends would do the same

I'm always ready to recieve company early, I don't care and am happy for them to join me in the kitchen, it kick-starts the festivities. As for my own arrival, I would arrive at 5 to 10 min past, because that's acceptable, but it bugs me.

7.05 pm

@Tanaqui

I would love to know how old respondents are- I agree that to be late to an appointment, or to an agreed meeting place including bars and restaurants is rude; but to a home dinner invitation, 7.00 would definitely mean arrive at 7.10/15 to me. Does anyone else remember the Piat D'or advert, where the French couple arrive in the dot, but the British hosts are in the bath, and they put the wine on the doorstep?! Obviously with close friends you develop new norms, and if I was coming on a bus, I would let the hosts know the closest times it got in. But honestly, it would feel genuinely rude to me to arrive at 7 exactly if a newish invitation! (Unless I was in Sweden, when I would be on time to the second- I think cultural differences are really interesting, and would always have advised non Brits to be slightly late in the above situation!).

I'm 49. Born and raised in England by English parents, for context. Being anything other than a few minutes late is, to me, very very rude (unless you've texted or rung me to let me know). I remember the Piat D'Or advert too, which I thought was ridiculous and totally outside of my family's experience and it was shit wine too

My dad (RIP) really was very anal about punctuality and clearly it has rubbed off .

However, I have lived in Italy and France, and it wasn't considered rude to be late there at all. And I didn't consider people rude there for being late, because it was cultural. In the same way that, to me, the "English" way is to be on time. Many many people disagree with me though, which is so interesting.

Great thread

You are invited for 7pm. You shouldn’t arrive before and anything after 7:10 is rude. I’d be furious if I invited people for 7 and they arrived super late or way before 7 (unless they let me know before hand … for example got held up in traffic)

@cheezy

Bang on 7 would be rude. 7.15/20 would be respectable.

Not to me!

@MissKeithsNeice

7.08

But I would have arrived loads earlier and been waiting nearby kicking myself for being early. The last minutes would have been especially tough.

Are you me?

7.10.

My mum always arrives at least an hour early so I now tell her a different time to the other guests. And before any of you start, she's not a hands on, let me set the table sort of mum, she's a ''cup of tea, Earl grey please. In a China cup, not a mug. Is the soup meant to smell like that? It's far too hot/smoky/smelly to sit in this kitchen, let's go in the sitting room so I can tell you about my latest war of letters with the council/gas board/sister . Where is your DH? In the shower? Doesn't he know it's rude to keep guests waiting? Shouldn't you have vacuumed in here? Is that what you are wearing?' Telling her 8.00pm instead of 6.30 means she now turns up with the other guests at about 6.45.

Someone else who would regularly turn up 20 minutes early (she lives less than a 20 minute drive away) and then joke about how disorganised we are, rather than sit in her car until a reasonable time just doesn't get invited anymore. She also complains about what time the food was served. If she is invited for 7 she expects to eat at 7.02. She also leaves 5 minutes after the dessert is eaten. She doesn't like cheese so won't stay for a cheese board. So an invitation to arrive at 7 will see her on the house at 6.40, be complaining about how 'starving marvin' she is by 7.05 and she leaves the house by 9.15 at the latest.

Writing this down has made me realise that both of them have lived on their own for many years. Perhaps they have got into the habit of timing things to suit themselves and are out of the habit of fitting in with other people.

Assuming it’s 7pm for dinner at 7.30, 7.05 would be fine. Later than that is rude without a msg.

We like 7 for 7.30 - means we can respectably leave by 10.30.

7:15.
One of my friends would arrive at 8 🤣

My inlaws always arrive about an hour early 🤬😤😖

7pm

18.59 or 19.02 probably!

Thing is, when you arrive at 7:10, 7:15 for a private diner party
(as opposed to a wedding or a kids party or other)

You are not LATE. 8pm would be late. You are perfectly on time. 7pm on the dot is too early!

Nobody serves food as soon as people walk through the door, do they? It’s not about timing the meal. Slightly odd to be arriving at 7pm anyway, a tad early unless you’ve quite elderly guests.

Those arriving early or disturbing preparations with calls and text messages to say you’re sorry but will arrive at the appropriate time are inconveniencing your hosts. Either you’ll require their attention just as they’re uncorking the red to let it breathe or they’ll not have their frock on. You don’t want to be cooking in a pastel silk number, do you?

It’s not age related . It’s reasonable manners. Much the same as not turning up with an unsuitable wine you expect to be opened.

Of course it's cultural, very rude in France and UK, but in some parts of Switzerland and Germany, you are expected on the dot aren't you?

7!

7.00

I get very anxious about being on-time or others being late.

7pm surely?