You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

[suggestionsplease1]

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

I should add, if I'm hosting I expect people to show up between 7 and 7:20, and will be mildly irritated at those arriving any later than that. But I definitely do not want people showing up before 7! I'll probably be picking up and doing last minute tidying right before 7.

This is fascinating. I hate people being early because I'm always still getting ready or running a hoover round, so I would say 7.10pm is about right.

My partner insists on being on time, so would probably prefer to be there at 6.50pm and wait outside until 7 on the dot.

We would always say 7.30ish though, which suggests there's no need to be punctual.

For those convinced 7pm sharp is the correct time, I think you are wrong and quite likely offending people who will be too polite to ever tell you . It’s accepted you should be 10-15 minutes ‘late’ and that is factored into the time you are invited. It’s standard. Think of it like an equation if X is start time given then arrival time is A= x+ 10

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/mar/28/new-rules-dinner-party-ditch-napkins-take-cool-bag

Between 7.05 and 7.15.

If I invite people for 7, I’d be serving food about 8, after drinks. At 6.55 I’d still be putting make up on etc.

7:10, but would text just before 7 to say that we are on our way.

I wonder if there's an age and/or cultural difference here

I was brought up to believe that it is incredibly rude to be late for anything. "Late" means more than a minute or two past the agreed time. If I asked you over for dinner at 7 pm I would assume that you would arrive between 7pm and 7.02 pm. Time isn't fluid, and I would have cooked everything to be ready at a particular time.

I hate lateness, it is really really rude as it screams that the person being late thinks their time is more valuable than yours. If you were really late for a doctor's appointment they wouldn't see you; if you were really late for a train you would miss it. Why is dinner at a friend's house - where significant time, effort and expense has been incurred - any different?!

And it is not offensive to arrive on time! If I wanted someone to arrive at 7.02 I would ask them to arrive at 7.02. If I want them to arrive at 7, I say 7 and I make sure my makeup is done in time

If either party is running late, surely they can just phone the other and let them know?! Why would a host still be getting ready at the time they'd asked the guests to arrive, barring unforeseen circumstances in which case you would actually communicate with each other??

Depends on the friends. I might say “come for dinner at 7pm but would never serve food before 8, we always offer drinks first however informal the meal, my friends know this so will turn up any time between 7 -7 30 preferably closer to 7 30. Most of my friends have the same approach. Invited for dinner with people I don’t know 7 10- 7 15. I have to be exceptionally punctual at work in fact we’re expected to turn up 5-10 mins early I dont carry it over into my personal life unless I’m catching a train!

7:10

If people would turn up at 6:45 to help I’d want to murder them, as at 6:45 I’d be either in panic mode (no time to explain to a “helpful” early arrival where the napkins are) or in sneaky pre-hosting relax mode (glass of wine and MN)

I always think of people who arrive early as a bit needy

@MargaretThatcherMilkSnatcher

And it is not offensive to arrive on time! If I wanted someone to arrive at 7.02 I would ask them to arrive at 7.02. If I want them to arrive at 7, I say 7 and I make sure my makeup is done in time

If either party is running late, surely they can just phone the other and let them know?! Why would a host still be getting ready at the time they'd asked the guests to arrive, barring unforeseen circumstances in which case you would actually communicate with each other??

The guardian disagrees

You were right the first time about it being a cultural difference.
If your guest is white, middle class, city dweller, possibly public school educated then they will think that arriving on time is rude and you may well be in the shower. That’s not them being inconsiderate, it’s actually the opposite.
I’m not from that background but have been surrounded by it for some years, and it is very much a cultural norm.

Why bother arranging a time if you are going to ignore it. If I agree 7, that is when I arrive. Height of rudeness to arrive late or early

I like invitations that say ‘7 for 730’ making clear there is a lead time to actual sitting down to dinner

@suggestionsplease1

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

Between 7 and 7.10. Anything later is rude.

I met a head of diplomatic protocol or something once and he said never ever be early.

If it was me asking, I'd say come over anytime after 7 and dinner at 8.

I would still be in a flap at 7, but sorted by 10 past. And dinner would probably be at 8.30 .

If I was going, I'd aim for 7, but probably arrive around 7.10. I'm usually late.

@Halo1234

6.55 to 7.05.

Same

7pm

Arriving at ten to 7 is a hundred times more rude than ten past.

As for the suggestion that you could turn up ten minutes early and help?!! No host wants unexpected “help”.

I can remember my mother teaching me about appropriate “lateness” at least thirty years ago

What would Jim from Friday Night Dinner do?

Arriving before 7 is extremely rude.

@SleepingStandingUp

Meh I'd rather be in the lower half of the class system and be able to use specific words to describe when I want guests to arrive than get off on feeling superior because I know I'm telling my guests one thing but using code to detect if they're classy enough for us to socialise with.

""Gosh I thought Samantha would fit into our circle nicely but then she arrived at 6.55!! I've relegated her to "play dates outside the house" now""

Yep. This thread has actually made me feel quite ashamed to be British. The snobbery of some is quite appalling. And proves that etiquette is nothing to do with good manners.

Invited at 7 I’ll arrive at 7. Laughing at all the confected notion that 7 means arrive 7.15. If they wanted you there at 7.15 onwards they’d invite you to arrive at 7.15. As host I’d expect guest at 7 if I said 7, not a convoluted late arrival to demonstrate good manners. Late is late,it’s not etiquette it’s late

Reminds me of the American Office and Michael Scott barging in early on his hosts

Wow I must be considered rude as 7pm means 7pm to me! I’d probably get there 6.55-7.05pm but aim for as close to 7pm as possible.

@Radio4ordie but I am a white middle-class private-school-educated city dweller, as was my dad, so I guess we are the exception that proves the rule