But HOW do I give up breastfeeding for a milk-obsessed toddler? Pls help!!

[ShirleyPhallus]

My DD is 15 months old and still feeding morning and night. I’m ready to give up now, she’s bitey, wriggly, kicks me, pulls at my skin and it’s basically feeling like a form of slow torture at this point.

But she really loves it. She’s at the point of pulling at my top and won’t drink ANY milk from a cup or a bottle. No to milkshakes, custard etc. I’ve tried giving her new quick or vanilla milk and she spits it out. She also won’t eat yoghurt or cereal or porridge either.

She will eat cheese so I think that’s probably fine from a calcium perspective? But I need some help on actually giving up the feeds. She started nursery a few months ago and since then has had endless colds and bugs which are disrupting her sleep. I’ve cut down a few nights in a row and DH has put her straight to bed when I’ve been out and she’s been ok, but it’s a bit hit and miss as to how she sleeps. If there even is a link between it.

What do I do? Should I just cut down the minutes then drop it entirely? Or go cold turkey and get DH to put her to bed for a week?

Pls send help! I’m starting to be envious of everyone who stopped feeding before their child could really demand it!

I’d probably continue to feed her morning and night. She’s still a baby.

If you are ready to stop breastfeeding, stop. You have done a fabulous job. Cold turkey is the best way to go, I know from experience. A few rough days and then it's all a distant memory.

My DD went to stay with grandparents for a few days when she was 2.5.

Will she drink water? Or are you concerned she won't get enough fluids?

I'd start building more of a routine e.g. in the morning, before bed. No other feeds. Distract, offer something else, leave the room for 1 minute etc.

@Mum2jenny

I’d probably continue to feed her morning and night. She’s still a baby.

Which part of “it feels like a slow form of torture” made you respond with “just carry on”? Why do so many women feel it’s ok to tell other women to literally hurt themselves for something with minimal benefit to anyone at that age?

Yep - cold turkey.

Wear dungarees, send her way for the day/night.

It is okay to stop when you want to stop.

Go cold Turkey so long as DH is on board to support her through it and you aren't going to cave.

If you want to carry on but without the pain inflicted on you then look at ways to tackle that.

Does she have a comforter of some sort? I would introduce one at feed times to make as part of her nighttime routine etc.

From her point of view feeding is about comfort especially when unwell adjusting to nursery etc.

Cold turkey and get DH to do bedtimes

Depends how much she's feeding now- I found getting DD down to one feed just before bed was easy but cutting out that last feed has been tough (did it just before her 2nd birthday but she broke he heart about tonight after nearly a fortnight of being fine).
I started talking about 'just a little bit' and 'nearly all gone' and then had a day or two where she fell asleep cuddling before she had chance to ask to feed so went for it then. She hates milk as a drink but lives on cheese and yoghurt and has vitamin drops so will see how we go.

I cut down more gradually - I lost the morning feed first as that was easier. I then started cutting the length of the first side at bedtime, and then went down to just the one side. We built an alternative bedtime routine up gradually alongside it, including an alternative drink and DH doing a lot of it. I then cut down on the single side time wise.

At that age consider a mixed approach of distracting in the day and at night layering comfort measures so for example feed plus patting her back at the same time as feeding and/or making sure you are snuggling a favourite cuddly toy or blanket while feeding. Then work towards withdrawing the feed so you are not abruptly removing her mode of comfort without giving her other tools.

One you feel you've got things ready to remove the feeds try easy language like "all gone do you want a cuddle instead? " to help get the message across.

Plus of course partner support!

@MerryDecembermas

Will she drink water? Or are you concerned she won't get enough fluids?

I'd start building more of a routine e.g. in the morning, before bed. No other feeds. Distract, offer something else, leave the room for 1 minute etc.

She will drink water and loves her sippy cup so I’m not concerned about that, really just the actual logistics of giving up

She doesn’t have a comforter but that’s a great idea, I’ll introduce one

@Mum2jenny really not helpful, thanks

I wouldn't worry about diet too much, plenty of ways of upping calcium, leafy greens are good too, doesn't have to be dairy.

@CormoranStrike

Yep - cold turkey.

Wear dungarees, send her way for the day/night.

It is okay to stop when you want to stop.

Love dungarees as being a tool to help!

devondonkey that would be my approach as I think a baby needs milk more than I’d need to stop feeding her. But that would be my decision, not saying it’s right for everyone. Sorry if I’ve upset people with my opinion.

But she’s not actually a baby any more. She’s a toddler who can have her nutritional needs met in other ways. And the whole process is distressing her mother and potentially putting a strain on their relationship.
With a decent diet she does not ‘need’ the milk.
At this point it’s fine to stop whenever you choose.

I'm in the same situation and my toddler is 2yrs 5 months he won't leave me alone however he is very gentle and never bites or hurts and only feeds at bedtime but I'm definately ready to stop I've done my bit
It's not about nutrition I think it's little ones finding comfort but when to stop is an individual choice

Older, but for dd2, I gave them the choice between milk or story. At the beginning they always chose milk, then a mixture and then story. For dd2 (the keenest reader) she was about 20 months, the others were older when they consistently chose story.

Ok, but if it were my child, I’d still feed her irrespective of how much it impacted on my feelings. But I think I may be in the minority. I am well aware that a 15 month old child does not need breast milk, but I would still chose to feed her irrespective of my own point of view.

www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/twitter-and-blog/weaning-toddler-bob-and-pre-schooler-billie-how-do-you-stop-breastfeeding-an-older-child

This article by Emma Pickett might help OP. I'd be wary of stopping suddenly if your toddler feeds a lot because you would be at risk of mastitis, but you could pump just to keep the milk flowing (gradually cutting down depending on how your boobs feel)

I completely feel you OP, my 16 month old is the same and it's hard bloody work. Would cold turkey not potentially risk mastitis though if she's currently feeding quite a lot? Maybe you could do some work on 'nursing manners' in parallel with introducing a comforter and starting to cut down, just to try to make the process more bearable while you are weaning her off. I've started by asking DS to sign to ask for milk rather than just yank at my top. To my surprise he's grasped the concept quite quickly - he's not perfect but already it's helping me feel a bit better about things.

I'm in the middle of the slow process of weaning my 21 month old as I feel the gradual approach is kinder than cold turkey - but she pulls my hair while feeding and it drives me bananas so I have to stop soon.
We went out to the shops so she could choose herself a new bedtime bunny (a jellycat one so it's super soft), so now bedtime bunny snuggles with us while we feed, and she'll still have that comfort when we stop. I've also started timing outings so that she can sleep in the car rather than me feeding her for daytime naps. I'm trying to sit down less, as anytime she sees me sit on the sofa she makes a beeline for me and asks for milk. Just trying to cut down gradually.
When I weaned my son I told him the milk was running out every day for about a week beforehand, then told him that his last feed would be the very last because the milk had all gone. He took it pretty well, only asked a handful of times after that, and accepted it when I said there was no more.
Good luck, hope it goes OK!

I was over-ready to stop but my youngest wasn’t.

I went to Hungary with a friend for five days and left husband and kids behind. Extreme but effective.

Given the pandemic, maybe closer to home….

I let my daughter play with plasters and bandages for a week as a dr set. Then I put plasters on my nipples and she understood. It took about a week of plaster wearing and showing her when she asked, but was basically cold turkey. She was a bit older so I’m not sure if it could work for you? It’s amazing when you’re free!