But HOW do I give up breastfeeding for a milk-obsessed toddler? Pls help!!

[ShirleyPhallus]

My DD is 15 months old and still feeding morning and night. I’m ready to give up now, she’s bitey, wriggly, kicks me, pulls at my skin and it’s basically feeling like a form of slow torture at this point.

But she really loves it. She’s at the point of pulling at my top and won’t drink ANY milk from a cup or a bottle. No to milkshakes, custard etc. I’ve tried giving her new quick or vanilla milk and she spits it out. She also won’t eat yoghurt or cereal or porridge either.

She will eat cheese so I think that’s probably fine from a calcium perspective? But I need some help on actually giving up the feeds. She started nursery a few months ago and since then has had endless colds and bugs which are disrupting her sleep. I’ve cut down a few nights in a row and DH has put her straight to bed when I’ve been out and she’s been ok, but it’s a bit hit and miss as to how she sleeps. If there even is a link between it.

What do I do? Should I just cut down the minutes then drop it entirely? Or go cold turkey and get DH to put her to bed for a week?

Pls send help! I’m starting to be envious of everyone who stopped feeding before their child could really demand it!

@Mum2jenny

Ok, but if it were my child, I’d still feed her irrespective of how much it impacted on my feelings. But I think I may be in the minority. I am well aware that a 15 month old child does not need breast milk, but I would still chose to feed her irrespective of my own point of view.

I hope that if one day you post on MN for advice about a distressing situation, other posters are as unfeeling as you have been here.

My ds was having milk at nap time and bedtime at that age..i stopped nap time first..

Could you drop morning or night first..

I would think morning would be easier. Get up and breakfast

Op cutting back was way way harder than quitting the final feed. So I’d say just go cold turkey. You’ll need to pump for a couple of days though. She’s old enough to know what no means and you’ll have a horrible couple of days but then it will be done. This time next week I bet she’s adjusted to a new normal. It’s like getting rid of dummies, everyone dreads it but if you just stick firm, don’t give in, stay calm and ready to comfort she will be upset initially, you’ll be out the other side of it in a few days.

And don’t listen to what other posters would do with their child. You want to stop so stop. You’ve definitely done your bit! Have a lovely last feed, I sat and really tried to remember it

If I tried to follow the gentle weaning advice of 'Never offer, never refuse' the breast, then my 20m old would still be on 50-100 times a day! She's bloody obsessed

Legomania I’m sorry you feel that way, but that is what I think is correct. I hope I do not come across as unfeeling, but that is how I’d react in that scenario.

Yes but @Mum2jenny the OP didn't ask whether we thought it was a good idea to wean her toddler, she has decided to do it and has asked for advice about how. She doesn't need her bodily autonomy undermined.

I would get a different morning routine sorted first, so it doesn't include milk. Then cut down the night one to short time and still awake. Then go down awake with cuddles, story etc, but the milk has gone because you are so big now. You can do it quite swiftly, but more gentle on both of you. Stopping breastfeeding is a big hormone shock to your body. I was devastated when i stopped feeding my first. Not because I wanted to cary on, I was very much done with it, but from the roller coaster of sodding hormones. Calcium can come from non-dairy sources. Plenty of lactose intolerant kids do just fine.

@Mum2jenny - why? The OP has said she wants to give up. You don't suddenly give up your right to autonomy when you have a child in this country.

Some really helpful comments, thank you everyone, especially for all the support! I love the idea of getting her a comforter and then transitioning to that. I remember the feeling of one boob being really full when I fed from the other one by accident all night and it’s awful so I definitely will avoid that!

@Mum2jenny I have no idea why you came on to this thread which was pretty clear I wanted to give up, not to ask people’s opinions of whether I should. We are fortunate to live in the western world in which a healthy balanced diet and clean, safe water is available. At this age, DD does not need the milk and this feeding process is starting to make me feel a little resentful. Why would you make a judgement on someone wanting to give up in those circumstances? Not helpful or supportive.

I was feeling like I wanted to stop completely a few weeks ago so cut the morning feed and just do before bed now. DD has a bedtime bunny who also sits with us so I'm hoping that we can cut the bedtime one soonish and have a cuddle instead with bunny. But cutting back has helped me for now at least so that's a relief! Definitely has to be something you both want to carry on with (not just them) and well done for getting so far.

I’m in a similar position but dd is 14 months. I wonder if cold turkey might cause a risk of mastitis so cutting one feed at a time might be better? Not an expert though so might be a rubbish suggestion!

@Mum2jenny

Legomania I’m sorry you feel that way, but that is what I think is correct. I hope I do not come across as unfeeling, but that is how I’d react in that scenario.

The thread isn't "what would Mum2Jenny do in this specific situation?" Nobody asked and nobody cares. The OP wanted advice on how to give up breastfeeding and if that's what she wants, that's what she should do.

My DD weaned easily and unexpectedly when I was pregnant with second, think supply waned or changed. But that’s an extreme approach if that wasn’t in your plan!! Amongst friends experiences though, I’m confident that wee ones get with what you show them is going to happen, pretty quickly. Like the pp with plasters on her nipples (was that not itchy?!!), one friend told her toddler that the batteries on her boobs had run out and he accepted it quite easily when she expected a nightmare. I’m about ready to stop feeding DD2 but not quite there, she’s not too pestery fortunately and she only feeds now every other day or so. Hoping she’ll self wean but maybe I’ll be back to this thread for tips in a few months if it’s not happened!

I could have written this when my DD was that age and out of guilt and a fear of causing upset I carried on until 2.5 years! I would not do that again. It was really hard on my mental and physical health. There will always be the odd martyr type who will make you feel guilty for not feeding forever or prioritizing feeding over your own well-being. Don’t listen to that BS.

The way forward is to set boundaries. A firm no and empathize and make space for the resulting upset. I was advised to do it in stages - I stopped feeding to sleep early on but then moved on to night weaning, then cutting down to only one feed, then stopping. Offering cuddles and gave milk in a sippy cup. We got there in the end.

I stopped at 14 months, just morning and night too. I decided to drop the night feed first because I thought it would be the harder one to drop. I didn't try to replace the feed with a cup of milk etc as she wouldn't take it (but now loves cows milk after stopping). I swapped the breastfeed which was usually the last thing of the bedtime routine with feed then bedtime story for a few days then one day just casually stopped the feed and her dad did the story. First night she was very confused and upset but I stayed downstairs and she settled fairly quickly, second night she was only a little upset and the third night she went to sleep no fuss!

I kept doing the morning feed for a few days after that, one day we actually ran out of time on a morning because she slept in and we had to leave for childcare so went straight to breakfast instead of a feed on waking which is what we usually did. She barely noticed so the next day I just didn't feed her and that was that, we had stopped! I couldn't believe how easy it was in the end, she barely even noticed and after that never asked again! She's two next month and she doesn't even know what boobs are for, she's just started to notice them again.

I have no idea if this is true but I've heard they get more emotionally attached to things including breastfeeding after about 15 months so I wanted to stop before it became too difficult to stop. You know when the right time to stop is and it's ok to choose when to stop yourself.

@Mum2jenny

I’d probably continue to feed her morning and night. She’s still a baby.

I mean this is a PROFOUNDLY unhelpful response isn't it @Mum2jenny. This is not at all what the OP has asked for. She has been explicit in that she wants to stop, and has asked for advice in that vein.

She doesn't need your opinions shoved down her throat. Lord!

I wore polo necks for a while. Dd was boob obsessed and didn’t give up asking for ages, despite being a good eater and drinker otherwise, and sleeping well. But I had just reached a point where I couldn’t bear it anymore.

She had been dairy intolerant but grew out of it, so I had completely changed my diet for her and let her cut teeth on my nipples. Nobody could say that I hadn’t put her first or met her needs, but there comes a time when enough is enough.

I had to pump a bit but it settled down very quickly. I was a bit sad because I’d hoped she’d give up in her own time (with hindsight I think she’d have carried on into adulthood because she is a very determined little woman) but it was wonderful to have my body back.

Have a look at breastfeeding aversion, there are some good bits if advice about what to do when you aren’t enjoying it. In particular the advice that bf is a relationship that has to work for both the mother and the child was helpful to me. In terms of practical advice I stopped night feeds first, then went to just one morning and one evening feed and really made them special, lengthy and relaxed (and in a particular seat that I only used for feeding). It’s fine to stop, but there are always ways to switch things up if you want to keep bf but are feeling overwhelmed or done with how it’s going.

I had severe aversion with ds and it was HELL it got to the point my skin was crawling and I was agitated 3 seconds into each feed
It was absolute torture

I got him bottles and toddler milk. I kept putting him in the pushchair at nap time handing him the bottle and going for extremely long walks till he fell asleep and that’s how he got used to a different milk/comfort/sleep aid

It was really traumatic though with the aversion so I sympathise as you sound as if you’re experiencing similar. I was recommended to try a magnesium supplement to help and breathing relaxation exercises but tbh nothing was going to help except stopping

If you go cold turkey I'd be very careful about mastitis.

Your Local La Leche League and the National Breastfeeding Helpline can both give you free advice from trained breastfeeding counsellors.

I do worry you'll find it very stressful though particularly with her reluctance to eat dairy. Would establishing nursing manners make it comfortable for you? She's old enough to understand them now if that helped.

Well done for getting this far!

Sorry in case it's not clear from my post the organisations above will advise on weaning if that is what you want

Thanks for all the advice. I read up on breastfeeding aversion but honestly all the tips are stuff I’ve tried before. If I take her hands she then holds my hand back and uses the other one to pinch my skin etc. Or she’s very wriggly and turns over all with my nipple in her mouth. She also straightens her legs against whichever bit of my body she’s at (often my bladder). So the nursing manners are a nice idea but hasn’t really worked.

We’ve started well. I cut down her last feed last night and offered water for the second half instead, and this morn DH sat with her for a story before bringing her in for a shorter feed. I think we will cut down this way then go cold turkey for the last remaining bit if that makes sense. Breast pump at the ready!

@WatermelonKisses I’d also read the 15 month thing too, that’s the other reason why I’d like to stop now, before she gets too emotionally attached!

I stopped at 15 months with my first. DH was hopeless and couldn't stand the wailing, so I did it while he was away. I dropped the morning feed first, then two weeks later the evening feed. I just stopped. Told her no, no more boobs, cuddled her while she wailed, then read her a story and popped her in her cot. Then she wailed more. I won't lie. It was horrible. BUT it only lasted two nights. And no sore boobs - turns out she was mostly messing about and not actually drinking that much.

I was in a very similar situation, I was so ready to quit but DS wasn’t.

I dropped one feed at a time - at this point he had been having 3 feeds a day, morning, fed to sleep at nap time and then evening milk. Started with the evening feed, I had to work late one evening so DP done bedtime and DS settled fine after drinking milk in a cup. I never fed him in the evening again.

A few weeks later I dropped the feeding to sleep for nap time. So he was only having milk when he first woke up. If he asked for milk after the one feed I’d say it’s all gone and offer milk in his beaker which he sometimes accepted. Other times he just wanted a cuddle and a story.

I made a conscious decision that his last feed would be the day he turned 18 months old which made me feel like I knew the end point was in sight and to also mentally prepare for the battle I knew I’d have after then.

This was almost a month ago and DS no longer asks for milk from me at all. He has milk in a beaker morning and night but happily accepted that before stopping breast feeding.

Dropping the final feed was quite tough and the first few days were horrible with him crying, pulling at my top etc but I was determined this was it.

I truly felt I’d never be able to finish breastfeeding. I’d tried other methods of reducing feed times which didn’t work for us. Good luck, it is hard but if you’re done you’re done. 15 months is a massive achievement.