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Original poster

Would it be weird to give grieving DD some cash to celebrate with his girlfriend?

71 replies

Backhills · 30/06/2021 16:10

We lost DH after a long and difficult illness early this morning.

20yo DS1's girlfriend has an important practical test piece for her college course today, so he hasn't told her yet because he didn't want to disrupt her exam.

He's just heard she got the highest score in her cohort. It is adorable how proud he is.

He could afford to treat her himself, but I'm feeling inclined to give him/them some cash to celebrate with, I suppose as a kind of blessing to say it's OK to be happy, but also because I'm genuinely pleased for her.

Is this weird the day he lost his dad?

OP posts:
keiratwiceknightly · 30/06/2021 16:12

I'm so sorry to hear this. How very sad.

Nothing weird about your suggestion though. A little bit of happiness is very important right now.

Original poster
Backhills · 30/06/2021 16:13

I'm sorry, I'm not sure how the thread title came to say DD!

OP posts:
Bagelsandbrie · 30/06/2021 16:13

So sorry for your loss Flowers

Lovely idea Flowers

Catfox1 · 30/06/2021 16:13

You’re the best Mum. It’s a lovely idea.

Hope you’re doing okay

Sirzy · 30/06/2021 16:14

I think that’s a lovely idea as long as he doesn’t feel pressured to go out and celebrate today if he would rather wait a while.

Sorry for your loss

Ninkanink · 30/06/2021 16:14

Oh that’s a lovely gesture of you and I think it’s a wonderful thing to do...and what a lovely, considerate son you have!

I’m so sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength & peace. Flowers

WashableVelvet · 30/06/2021 16:14

You sound like such a fab mum - you’re right, permission to be happy doesn’t lessen the grief, both can coexist. (And he sounds very thoughtful too)

CatherineCawood · 30/06/2021 16:15

Not weird at all. Do whatever feels right for you.

I'm really sorry for your loss. Big unmumsnetty hugs Flowers

mommybear1 · 30/06/2021 16:16

So sorry for your loss - I think this is a lovely idea.

bearlyactive · 30/06/2021 16:17

So sorry OP, and you, your DS and his girlfriend all sound wonderful Flowers

EssentialHummus · 30/06/2021 16:17

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s a great idea Flowers

HandsSpaceArse · 30/06/2021 16:17

Oh OP Flowers I hope you have someone being as considerate to you too.

anon12345678901 · 30/06/2021 16:18

I think that's a really lovely idea. And I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

EditedbySKSS · 30/06/2021 16:18

How thoughtful of you OP. I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. I imagine seeing a smile on you son’s face today warms you. All the best Flowers

Cattitudes · 30/06/2021 16:18

Whatever feels right for him. There are no rights or wrongs in grieving.

JennyBoardEraser · 30/06/2021 16:19

I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

It would be nice to have something positive on what can only be a truly horrific day for you.

On the morning my Mum died (I was with her when she passed) Dh and I took our young children to the park and my eldest learned to ride a bike with pedals. A strange day but a lovely and happy memory from it.

So yes, definitely let them celebrate her success.

RestingPandaFace · 30/06/2021 16:21

I am sorry for your loss Flowers if DS feels up to celebrating be why not. I agree that it sends a positive message, and I am sure your DH would have approved.

motogogo · 30/06/2021 16:21

I think it's a lovely idea. Loosing a parent is horribly sad so giving him permission as it were to be happy for her is good. Feelings after long and difficult illnesses are not always straightforward, there's often an element of relief and it's important to acknowledge that's ok too. Take care yourself too, remember to take time for you rather than thinking of others. Mumsnet is always there for you, even at 3am

Frownette · 30/06/2021 16:22

Aw I'm sorry. Sounds like a lovely idea.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 30/06/2021 16:24

That's not even slightly weird.

It's absolutely acceptable and a kind touch of a loving proud mother.

Sorry for your loss.

JoyOrbison · 30/06/2021 16:26

Oh gosh op, so sorry on the loss of your dh.

If your ds wants to celebrate, absolutely let him.

I hope this doesn't upset or offend you, but when my dad passed away from cancer, as it was a terminal diagnosis, when he died. It seemed to act as obfirmation of the grieving process we had already begun weeks ago.. There is a chance you all may have been grieving for your dh if you understood it was likely he was going to. Pass away, so uyou all have spent some time in dark clouds of grief, if there is something to break those clouds go for it.

How proud would your dh be of your ds celebrating his girlfriend's success, surely he would be very, so absolutely embrace it.

Babygotblueyes · 30/06/2021 16:26

So sorry for you. I think this is wonderful - the people who love us would want us to be happy after they die - so nothing wrong with this at all. You are a great mum.

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 30/06/2021 16:27

I think that’s lovely. You should just do what feels right.

I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers

MindyStClaire · 30/06/2021 16:47

There is very very little either of you could do that would be wrong today. You and your DS sound lovely.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Flowers

WantingToWonder · 30/06/2021 16:49

So sorry about the loss of your DH Flowers

Your idea sounds wonderful. You have to hold onto happiness whenever you find it.