I don't understand 'call me by your name'

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

There's a film, and now a song about it. Why would you want have someone else call you by their name? Is is supposed to be romantic in some way? Am I being a bit of a wet blanket to think that it would be confusing rather than romantic? Is it a reference to something that came before the film/book and the song?

I don’t know the song, but if it’s a woman singing, could she mean surname ie marry me???

The song is by Lil Nas X (who is a gay man) and the film is a coming of age thing about a gay boy, so I don't know if the context is to do with gay culture.

I've not seen the film.

From the Wikipedia article, I see that the line extends so that it's mutual: "call me by your name and I'll call you by mine", which sounds decidedly less creepy-stalkerish than I'd originally been imagining! I expect it's a reference to the way an intense relationship can feel sometimes as if you are one person rather than two (it was said just after sex for the first time).

Of course, a relationship between two (practising? not clear) Jewish men in the eighties is going to have that added intensity and the need for it all to Mean Something, even if it's only a few days long...

Yes I think as PP said it’s meant to mean you’re like one person, or that you are each other’s.

Isn’t that a Woody Allen film where a married, closeted adult gay man basically grooms a teenage boy, but because it was the 80s and the two protagonists were gay, everyone overlooked the creepiness of the predatory dynamic and thought it was ‘progressive’

The film that I'm thinking of is the Timothy Chalamet/Armie Hamner one from a couple of years ago. I haven't watched it, I was intending to and then Armie Hamner turned out to be a total arsehole so I didn't bother.

It's not a Woody Allen film. I found it deeply uncomfortable - yes, the TC character was groomed by the AH - my teenage daughter thinks its marvellously romantic, I thought it was horrifically exploitative. I can't believe it is presented as anything other than borderline abuse.

the AH character

The song is by Sufjan Stevens!

I think it has biblical roots but could be wrong. Song of Solomon maybe?

At least the film’s soundtrack version is by Sufjan Stevens.
Anyway, the book is one of my favourites and the title is in reference to keeping their love between them- a clandestine love, a love that is theirs to understand. Each lover is one half of a whole love. Can’t have one without the other, sort of thing.
You should read the book. It’s beautiful.

OMG, I love that film, have easily seen it 30 times, and have just named my new car Elio!
I'd never heard of actually doing that though.

@TheVanguardSix
Have you read the follow up to it?
I'm gutted there probably won't be a second film now.

@everythingcrossed

It's not a Woody Allen film. I found it deeply uncomfortable - yes, the TC character was groomed by the AH - my teenage daughter thinks its marvellously romantic, I thought it was horrifically exploitative. I can't believe it is presented as anything other than borderline abuse.

You must have seen a different film to me. Its about a 17 year old who falls in love with a 24 year old. The 17 year old does all the pursuing and not vice versa. Nothing abusive about it at all.

I don't find it abusive either, and Oliver is not married.

I don’t remember any grooming. And I don’t think the Armie Hammer character is married, is he?

I’m thinking of a different movie. It was from over a decade ago, not recent.

I actually watched a film earlier, "Summer of 85", on Amazon Prime, it's v different but has a similarish vibe.
It's French with subtitles but I'd recommend it it if you enjoyed CMBYN.

I watched Call Me by Your Name ( the Timothy Chalamet one) and I can no longer eat peaches 🍑 !!

Call me by your name the film is fantastic. Or it was until Armie Hammer went weird.

The Call me by your name premise according to the author was in lieu of them saying I love you.

As for the song I think it's just like call me whatever you want.

You must have seen a different film to me. Its about a 17 year old who falls in love with a 24 year old. The 17 year old does all the pursuing and not vice versa. Nothing abusive about it at all.

I guess we must have seen different films then because if I invited an adult work colleague to stay at my home and he had a sexual relationship with my teenage son or daughter, I would think that was an utter breach of trust. For me, it would be inappropriate for a 24 year old friend of the family to have sex with his host's 17 year old son, for him to keep the sexual relationship under wraps and to take him away to another city and have sex with him while he is paralytically drunk. It's not a relationship of equals and, to me, it was exploitative. I accept that you - and my 17yo daughter - disagree .

@fairislecable

I watched Call Me by Your Name ( the Timothy Chalamet one) and I can no longer eat peaches 🍑 !!

I hear ya!

I haven't heard the film soundtrack, the song that I'm thinking of is the one that's on the radio at the moment. I like the song and was singing along, which made me wonder about the phrase.

I like the song very catchy but the video is abit ott on the Satan vibes for me so ruined it

The parents encouraged them to go away together.
Its not clear if they had sex when Elio was drunk either, there's nothing to suggest they did, assuming they had sex more than once of course, but there's only actually one sex scene.
I just really don't see it as abusive at all.