Phone for 11 year old - how to manage usage and safety

[ThisIsSylviaDaisyPouncer]

My daughter starts a new school in September and I need to get her a phone so she can contact us when she is travelling to and from the school (five minutes walk). This is mandatory and has been confirmed to me by her teacher. I have some concerns but I accept I’m being over protective - what did you do to manage phone use?

My worries are

1. It’s an expensive device and it might get broken or worse, snatched (this is common where I live). So I will ban her from using it on the street, she may or may not follow this rule but she will understand the rationale
2. She will spend too long on the phone / look at inappropriate content - I’m going to get her the cheapest iPhone and throughly investigate family settings to restrict this as much as I possibly can. Also insist she gives me her phone at night time

Anything else I can do? I had hoped to put this day off for longer but her friends do mainly have devices now and the school rules on it are black and white.

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My children are a few years younger. But I will be buying them a very basic phone to call and text. They can upgrade once they have a job and can afford it themselves.

I do actually have a Nokia dumb phone - a new one, not an old handset. My daughter cried when I proposed this. And to be fair I have seen her friends’ phones, they are smart phones.

My DS had a Nokia brick for his first phone. All it could do was call and text and it cost £20. I'd get something like that. It saves so much worry, and difficulty.

Also I think I can see what’s she’s doing more easily on an iPhone, which is a plus. Ruling nothing out though

Was that relatively recent stormyequine?

I really don't believe 11 year olds are old enough for smart phones, although obviously most do.
I'd just tell them that is what they'd be having until they can afford to upgrade themselves.

We have recently given my child of the same age an old smartphone of ours. We use Google family link to manage what she can access and how long for, as well as Life 360 to keep an eye on location on the rare occasions she is out without us. We have to know the passcode for it, and if she changes it without telling us we will remove the phone. It charges downstairs overnight, and we check it at random.

She's not allowed any social media, mainly uses it for WhatsApp, kids YouTube and odd games like nail painting 😂 No tiktok, Facebook, Insta etc.

support.apple.com/en-gb/HT201304

This should help

I made it clear that I would look at their social media at any time - I had the passwords, and my email address was the contact so could see if they tried to change the password. Also checked internet history from time to time. Did this till they were about 15. Not entirely foolproof of course but I like to think the threat of scrutiny was enough! But most important if all during those tween/teen years is talking talking talking so if they do have any issues with online bullying or similar they will feel comfortable to come to you about it, or you can pick up on signals that something’s up.

Super monkeys - can you block tiktok etc on your child’s phone or did you just check they were following the rules?

Thanks van cleef I will check that out

Yes, he is 13 now, so a couple of years ago. His friends did all have smartphones too, but having seen the issues smartphones can cause I was in no hurry to let him have one. He did get one not long after, when he turned 12.

I use family link on my almost 10 year olds phone. He has android im iOS.

I can block certain apps, put time limits on them and also track his location via google maps, plus it’s free

My ds is getting a smart phone for his 11th birthday before he goes to secondary in September. He is literally the last child in his school year to get a smart phone (that’s not coming from him, we live in a small community, I know the other parents at school well) It’s not realistic for kids to not have a smartphone these days, no matter how crazy I personally think that is. I’ve bought him a reconditioned iPhone 6s. It was less than £100 so I won’t cry if/when he breaks it, drops it down the toilet or looses it. I have set up parental controls and restrictions via Apple family. I am told that the secondary school he is going to use smart phones as a learning tool in class so an old Nokia brick wouldn’t have cut the mustard. I’m planning on checking in with him and his usage on a regular basis. Will see how it goes! My biggest concern is how antisocial smart phones can be. His father is bad enough!

at that age my dc had a 'burner phone' i.e. cheap prepaid phone that cost a tenner from a phone shop.

Start with a basic smartphone (I'd ideally suggest starting with a brick phone, but you don't have time for that now) so you don't have to worry so much about things like it being stolen/broken/lost.

Ensure ground rules - what apps is she allowed to install, who is she allowed to contact. Check that these rules are followed. Tell her that she must prove she can keep it charged and in credit and with her at all times (that's where it's a good idea to have had practice with the brick phone). Otherwise there will be consequences.

I'm not sure banning her from using it on the street is practical - teens tend to gather and all get their phones out. Unless you literally mean if she's walking, but then she might like to talk to a friend/listen to music as she goes.

My Y7 DC has a first generation iPhone SE. It's on a £1 per week EE PAYG and is locked down so the internet can't be freely accessed but particular websites are preapproved. No access after 8pm and before 7am. I don't track location as that's something we've chosen not to do as a family.

Buy her a basic phone. Problem solved

Mine started secondary with a Nokia basic phone, but even though she's not into 'status' items or labels before long we'd given her an old iPhone. It was PAYG (less risky if they lose it), DH set up parental controls on it and iirc she didn't have any or much data which limits what it could be used for other than texts and phone calls.

She had a longish bus ride... I think it's ludicrous that the school is saying it's 'mandatory' for kids to have a phone for a short walk. Can they actually enforce that? Is it actually up to them? Arguably there's more risk to kids from online bullying, grooming etc than there is from a short walk.

I got a cheapish smartphone for my DS's 11th birthday (£100 but you can get them for less £50) and put Google Family link on it which means I control apps, limit web access and set when it locks. I can also limit how long is spent on particular apps. I don't allow TikTok, Snapchat etc. He had to sign a 'phone contract' before he got it with all my terms and conditions e.g. I know the password, I will check it occasionally, in the kitchen and charging at x time each night etc etc. I also had misgivings but actually I think it's better to start this journey and do the negotiations whilst they are somewhat still within your control! They grow up very quickly once they start secondary school and there'll be a load more tricky boundaries to negotiate before you know it.

It is blocked on our WiFi anyway, but the settings on her phone mean she has to have approval for any app downloads as well. She's a fairly sensible child too.

I'm aware that sometimes she looks at some tiktok dances on YouTube which I'm ok with.

I'd assumed if it's school that is mandating a phone is needed (which seems very unusual) that it actually needs to be a smartphone and that they will use the phones in class sometimes.

You don't need to get her an iPhone. I bought my kids really cheap phones (like £80 ones) that no one wanted.

You can buy really tough cases so that they don't break. Insist that you have the right to look at it whenever you want. Put an app on it that means you can track where she is (I think ours is called life 360)

I wouldn't get a brick because all the kids here chat over WhatsApp plus a lot of schools use an app for homework.

Give her a cheap phone for the start of year 7. Upgrade it (after half term or Xmas ) when she has proven she can look after it.

Unless you buy her the most expensive phone going, there will ALWAYS be a classmate with a better phone so don't get drawn into that game.

It would have been more sensible to teach her internet safety before this. I have no worries about DD 13 having a phone. I have more worries about DS 9 having one when he starts secondary school, as he doesn't seem to be taking in the dangers of the internet. He has ADHD.

We had the same concerns and got my DD the cheapest iPhone so it could be set to family sharing and less worried about it getting lost or broken.

You can add time limits for use and hers switches off at 9pm and on at 7am to stop messages coming through over night. If she wants to download any apps a request comes through which we have to approve. She knows she cannot change the password and it will be taken away if she does, I also randomly check her phone to check search history and chats.

The biggest issue has actually been what others have sent on WhatsApp and it quickly become apparent who doesn’t have their phone monitored. We have spoken at length on this and to date she has left several group chats because of the content - she is also not allowed snap chat due to this fact.

As others have said set ground rules from the outset particularly around taking phones upstairs and charging downstairs over night. We also do the same so she can’t say it’s unfair