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Ex new partner does not want my children to stay longer than weekend visits!!!

77 replies

Oakleaf40 · 25/06/2021 12:29

To cut a long story short. My Ex and i separated 2 years ago and he started a relationship after 6mths of us separating after 20 years of marriage.
He moved in with her within months and then moved 2 hours away to where she used to live as she didn't want to live away from her family.
Which left me to deal with what was going on and to care for my sons whilst going through the most difficult time in my life...( I was almost at a point of a nervous breakdown)

They have only recently started having my sons (16 and 19 )for weekend visits
. All has gone really well and both enjoyed going.

My Ex has arranged via my sons that they would stay with him for loner periods of time (eg All of the summer hols ) and had even sought out a collage for my 16 year old to go to and applied for a space, Filled his head with all sort's of promises etc

My eldest son does not want to live with them permanently so was going to stay a few months at a time and find agency work while there.
All this was arranged behind my back..
Now I have had his partner message me and she had no idea that this was going on either and has said how disappointed she is that this has happened and is slowly realizing how my Ex is.
She has said she does not know if this is something she wants or if this can actually work having my son's coming to stay with them loner than a weekend.
What the hell does she want me to say to that!!
They had there own time together for 6mths or so. posting on facebook how wonderful life is.. Despite destroying my life and putting myself and my sons life through hell with all the lies and dacite. No kids no stress and now the reality has hit her and him that he actually has kids and a responsibility as a father to be a father.
It looks like its all going to pot again because of his lies..

I just do not know what to say!!!!

OP posts:
Ambo21 · 25/06/2021 12:35

You tell her she needs to discuss it with the love of her life. This is their domestic arrangement not yours. And your kids will learn a lesson about their father and his priorites and values.

worktrip · 25/06/2021 12:40

Message her 'what goes around comes around'

Purplewithred · 25/06/2021 12:49

"who dis?"

Sorry, echo the above. "Well I can see that must be a problem for you. Good luck".

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Horehound · 25/06/2021 12:52

Just don't reply.

Nicolastuffedone · 25/06/2021 12:52

‘Sorry, I have nothing to add. Discuss it with Bill’

knittingaddict · 25/06/2021 13:00

I think you're angry at the wrong person. It sounds like your ex is at fault and you would both be better off without him. I think she's starting to realise that.

Sparklfairy · 25/06/2021 13:02

Reply, "hmm, sounds like a you problem"

OffRampHilton · 25/06/2021 13:07

Not big of me at all, but I hope you’re kind of enjoying this just a little, OP.

BringMeTea · 25/06/2021 13:08

Think it is your ex and your children you need to direct your ire at here. Done behind your back? Why do your sons think that was ok? They are young adults.

ComDummings · 25/06/2021 13:10

Block and ignore

ApolloandDaphne · 25/06/2021 13:11

She is talking to the wrong person. She needs to sort this out with your ex.

TheFlis12345 · 25/06/2021 13:15

“You reap what you sow” and block.

LolaSmiles · 25/06/2021 13:18

She got into a relationship with a man who has children. She needs to have the discussion with him.
Hopefully he'll not be one of those spineless dads who prioritises his new woman over his children. If he does prioritise a woman who is surprised that fathers have responsibilities then he is a bad father and his children will realise it.

Eekkeed · 25/06/2021 13:23

They're 16 and 19 how hard can it be to have them around it's not like they need much looking after? One of them is an adult and the other almost is.

Oakleaf40 · 25/06/2021 13:24

Karma. Comes to mind.

Her message was Mother to Mother...what do I think!!
Maybe she should have thought about all of this when she started seeing my Ex husband so soon after a marriage break up..

My sons thought he had spoken to me to arrange this but low and behold I had no idea.
Just unbelievable.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 25/06/2021 13:25

@Eekkeed

They're 16 and 19 how hard can it be to have them around it's not like they need much looking after? One of them is an adult and the other almost is.
Are you kidding?!
Longestfewdaysupcoming · 25/06/2021 13:25

You’ll need to take this up with exname. All the best.

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 25/06/2021 13:25

Forgot my quotes

HollowTalk · 25/06/2021 13:26

It's not karma - for one thing that doesn't exist and for another, she's not the other woman. She met a man who'd separated six months earlier. He saw his kids every now and then. That's what she thought she was getting into.

Oakleaf40 · 25/06/2021 13:27

@LolaSmiles
I can see it coming as has already told my eldest son that he cant bring any of his pets with him to stay but he is more than welcome!!

OP posts:
Longestfewdaysupcoming · 25/06/2021 13:28

@Oakleaf40

Karma. Comes to mind.

Her message was Mother to Mother...what do I think!!
Maybe she should have thought about all of this when she started seeing my Ex husband so soon after a marriage break up..

My sons thought he had spoken to me to arrange this but low and behold I had no idea.
Just unbelievable.

You were broken up though. She was perfectly entitled to date him And really you need to stop focusing on her and focus on your ex and your two boys and the way they have behaved.
Viviennemary · 25/06/2021 13:28

Just say they need to sort it out themselves. Don't fall for this Mother to mother nonsense. Do what's best for you. They have.

VettiyaIruken · 25/06/2021 13:29

Absolutely bounce it right back.

If you aren't happy, best discuss it with X.

It's clear what she wants is you to forbid it so you are the bad guy.

DianeCherry · 25/06/2021 13:30

Mother to Mother? Does she have kids too then? Where are they?

Your ex got himself into this and it's up to him to get himself out of it. If I were you I wouldn't get involved in any way, then the blame can't be shifted onto you, in that way ex's have of making that happen

TotorosCatBus · 25/06/2021 13:31

Just tell her to discuss with X

Don't add details like you didn't know your ex's plans either because it's for your ex to sort.