Can school teachers talk to children about this?

[Stokefolk]

It’s a bit petty, but I’m annoyed.

We have very limited family support or people who care for our children.

My son had surgery recently and had to have a few weeks off school to recover. During this time there was no contact from the school, nor did he receive any get well soon cards from his class. It wasn’t anything severe, nor was it surgery of a sensitive nature. He is 7yrs old.

When he returned to school his teacher said ‘nice to have you back’ and nothing more

I have had some other issues with the school recently and popped in to speak to the head. I mentioned the fact that I was disappointed with not hearing anything from the school, or my sons class during his period of recovery and the head said that the teacher wasn’t able to discuss my son’s operation or encourage cards to be made because it’s of a medical nature and therefore private

Is this correct? It seems to me to be a missed opportunity to support a child’s emotional needs? But maybe I’m too close to this to see it rationally?

No, unfortunately we teachers don't have time to do things like this. It's for the parents of your son's friends to sort out, if they want to do it.

However, I am sure that the teacher is closely monitoring your DC and making sure he settles well. They will be supporting him emotionally. A card is nice but it's not schools remit. Sorry.

That sounds right. Unless you had actively told school to tell the children about it then I would expect information like that to be treated confidentially.

My DC got cards from all her class when she was hospitalised due to an infection a few years ago. It was really lovely, but to be honest I wouldn't have expected it.

My school would have made and sent a card to a child off for several weeks.
I would have expected his friends to know why he was gone as well.
Nothings private when you’re 7!

Even if you did say to make it public knowledge, the most you should expect would be awareness and perhaps a class chat.

But absolutely it will otherwise be confidential. No need to discuss.

I can understand why they wouldn't tell the other children because it's personal information but if he'd been off for a few weeks I'd probably expect them to check in with him regularly to make sure he's coping ok.

I'm sure every child and every parent is thinking of your son and it would be lovely for them to have done something
Don't take this as a reflection of what they think of your son, sadly they still have targets to meet
Something for others to reflect on when they want to see the schools OFSTED report. Not everything can be measured by exam results
I hope your son makes a speedy recovery
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Teachers have kids in and out of class for non serious reasons all the time and can't make cards for and check up on them all. There's no need to check when you've informed them why, we check up when we don't know. He's right that they couldn't discuss it without your permission but if you'd asked me personally (I'm a TA) I'd have tried to find the time to get a class card together. Bit late complaining afterwards, not having done so though.

I think it is the rules now. Years ago when I was at primary school, I had my tonsils out and was off school for 2 weeks. We were practicing writing letters in y5 at the time and my whole class sent me letters to ask how I was and let me know what was going on at school. I still have the bag of letters and remember reading them all and being so pleased as I missed school. I can see why you would have liked something similar for your son.

Aw. This makes me glad my girls go to the school they go to.

Last year when the schools closed my eldest’s teacher visited the homes of all the pupils. She stood on the doorstep, it was just a quick “it’s been really lovely to have you, have a great summer” and a little present. This year my youngest’s friend has been in hospital and her class have all made cards etc.

It clearly can be done.

So the teacher said "nice to have you back" in a welcoming kind of way and you're upset? Seriously? You said yourself that it wasn't anything serious so I can see why they decided not to talk to the kids about it. 7 year olds get upset easily and they have a full curriculum to deliver.

As for the cards - while sending cards is nice, it isn't and shouldn't be something they are bound to do, certainly not in school. The teachers job is not to be a surrogate family for those who have few extended family.

I didn’t say that the teacher greeting him was negative?

I think there’s a clear divide between people who understand how nice it is to receive something to make you feel ‘special’ or thought about; and those who don’t. Or maybe some people have a lot of support that they take for granted? I don’t know.

I wasn’t asking for any teacher to be a surrogate family - that would be weird. I just wondered if schools definitely do not send cards, get well messages etc these days. It seems it is a mixed bag of replies, so it can’t be a ‘rule’

The school prides itself on its pastoral care, this is one time I think it was lacking.

Hmm, I can't say I've ever come across a class doing this unless a child is seriously ill.

They didn’t need to tell the class why he was off, they could easily have told them he was going to be off school for a few weeks, and made a card.

When I was off work as a teacher after an op about 40’kids I taught sent me cards! One parent even somehow found out my home address and sent me flowers!

So I think schools should make an effort, especially at 7; they could have made pictures to send and not even know the reason why!

I think it would be a nice touch but you shouldn’t expect it nor should you approach the school about it, that would be rather embarrassing for you. The teachers role is to teach the kids, not make and deliver cards for kids that are off school.

The problem is that for every parent who is upset about the lack of cards, there'll be another complaining that the school shouldn't have shared their child's information. Throw in a "My child was really upset when he got the card(s) because it reminded him of all the things he was missing out on" and it can be a real minefield.

Some parents would want to be contacted by the school when their child is ill or in hospital. Others would be annoyed at the intrusion and feel as though the school is checking up on them.

I hear what you’re saying, but that could easily have been cleared up with a quick ‘can we share this with the class’ question when they were informed he was going to be off school.

I wasn’t aware I needed to give that permission, yet they were aware it needed giving. So the lack of communication here is certainly from the school.

It’s a very small school. Single form intake. No class at capacity. My son has signed get well cards for children with broken limbs before, though no child has been absent from school for an extended period.

I am also a teacher and our school would definitely deliver a card and some sort of gift if near. Cards in our school are usually made with children writing a message on a sticker and then a TA puts it all together. We also do this for every child leaving. I also know children in school who have explained what happened to them to the class afterwards but depends on the nature of the operation.
I agree with the head about confidentiality but the teacher could have phoned and asked you.

I think it’s odd you asked school about this.

Ds has had numerous operations during his time at primary school, we have had a few get well cards which I always appreciate but never expect. Sadly a lot of DS operations have been of the nature that things do need to be explained to the class (appearing with a feeding tube will raise questions anyway!) so they where often aware why he was off due to necessity.

It would have been nice for the class or teacher to have sent a card, but there isn't a rule that says you have to. A boy in my class broke his arm and was back in after a couple of days. His mum came in and complained about me, saying I should have phoned to ask after him. I found it a bit annoying to be honest. He was fine in himself and we all made a fuss of him and signed his cast etc.

I see what you are saying - it's lovely to get a card in situations like this but really it's a bonus not an expectation. it's a little bit precious tbh.

I'd assume his friends know where he is, and at 7 could tell their parents they wanted to make a card / parents could suggest it. I wouldn't expect school to do anything unless it was say ab unexpected accident with upset kids then it might help them to process it

My son was in hospital last year pre covid v v poorly his whole class knew and I’d gone to pick my other son up from school as their dad was doing days and I wanted to spend time with my other son, his friends came over and asked how he was and if he was ok they were really lovely. There weren’t cards and if there had been that would be nice but I also think with covid that might be avoided just now even if it were allowed normally.

I think if the school had broadcast your sons medical information round the class you’d have been annoyed? I was just glad my son went back to school at all, was a horrible and worrying time.

Also can you imagine the reverse thread

AIBU, DD was forced to make a child in her class a get well card last week but she doesn't even like him because he once put a booger in her hair / no one did it when she was off for a fortnight with chicken pox / haven't they wasted enough school time this year / surely it's a covid risk etx