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Original poster

Can school teachers talk to children about this?

65 replies

Stokefolk · 23/06/2021 13:09

It’s a bit petty, but I’m annoyed.

We have very limited family support or people who care for our children.

My son had surgery recently and had to have a few weeks off school to recover. During this time there was no contact from the school, nor did he receive any get well soon cards from his class. It wasn’t anything severe, nor was it surgery of a sensitive nature. He is 7yrs old.

When he returned to school his teacher said ‘nice to have you back’ and nothing more

I have had some other issues with the school recently and popped in to speak to the head. I mentioned the fact that I was disappointed with not hearing anything from the school, or my sons class during his period of recovery and the head said that the teacher wasn’t able to discuss my son’s operation or encourage cards to be made because it’s of a medical nature and therefore private

Is this correct? It seems to me to be a missed opportunity to support a child’s emotional needs? But maybe I’m too close to this to see it rationally?

OP posts:

Anythingelseintheboxpandora · 23/06/2021 17:30

They can send cards without any broadcasting of medical info.

“[Child] isnt feeling well and has had to go into the hospital. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all made a card!” Sort of thing

FrogFairy · 23/06/2021 17:31

My son had an operation at the same age. When I told his teacher why he would be off for a while she said in front of DS that they would make a get well card and everyone would sign it.

Can you imagine my son’s face when an envelope arrived and there was no card, just worksheets for him. I know teachers are busy and would not have assumed they would send a card but I wish that she had not promised then not bothered.

whatthejiggeries · 23/06/2021 17:36

Absolutely the school should not be revealing medical information. My daughters grandma has just died from covid - should they all do a card for her too because that is at the very least as traumatic as a child being off for a non severe Operation. I think a) it's private information and b) they have other things to think about. I agree though that if that was one of my kids friends as a parent I would have organised something but I would never expect the school to.

Interested in this thread?

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7 year olds General education

SleepingStandingUp · 23/06/2021 17:38

@Anythingelseintheboxpandora

They can send cards without any broadcasting of medical info.

“[Child] isnt feeling well and has had to go into the hospital. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all made a card!” Sort of thing

Oh no miss what's wrong with him? Is he going to die miss? My nan went to the hospital and she died. My uncle had his leg chopped off. I'd he having his leg chopped off miss?

All to be answered with "he's unwell, he's unwell"

Zanzibar55 · 23/06/2021 17:39

For every parent who thinks the class should be writing cards, there will be another complaining about lost teaching time.
Teachers have a timetable to stick to, and unless it's done during an art period, it's not fair to the children to do have them making cards at other times. Should they miss out on reading time, maths, science?

Sirzy · 23/06/2021 17:39

*Oh no miss what's wrong with him? Is he going to die miss? My nan went to the hospital and she died. My uncle had his leg chopped off. I'd he having his leg chopped off miss?

All to be answered with "he's unwell, he's unwell"*

And then to be followed up with “what happened?” “Will you die” type questions upon return to school too!

Rubytinsleslippers · 23/06/2021 17:42

Child in my sons class has been off 4 days. Very ill, taken to city hospital. School broke up for summer today so class made a video to cheer her up and cards. Realise end of term so not doing a lot of actual work but I thought it was lovely. Hopefully she'll be moved to a nearer hospital but teacher told the class she'll be in hospital for whole summer.

Beannag · 23/06/2021 17:44

Back in the day we used to do stuff like this, to be honest it doesn't surprise me that now it's seen as inappropriate or whatever. Eurgh.

MsAwesomeDragon · 23/06/2021 17:45

I'm not allowed to disclose one child's medical information to any other children. That's pretty basic.

If the child had told the whole class that they were going to be absent because they were going for an operation, then it might be nice to facilitate making a card. But it's not compulsory, and I think I would only facilitate it if the other kids asked.

I'm a secondary teacher, so it's obviously a bit different from primary in terms of the relationships with each child, but medical confidentiality is universal.

Scaredycatmoo · 23/06/2021 17:46

Seriously OP

Child taken in to hospital in my son’s class

His Parents organised a video of all the children wishing him well.
It was lovely
Then another parent arranged for gift to be sent.

No one relied on the teacher, and you shouldn’t have either

Scaredycatmoo · 23/06/2021 17:47

I don’t get this

Something that was important to you clearly as would ha e been appreciated by your son

Added to which * We have very limited family support or people who care for our children.*

And yet you don’t bother to do anything but expect others to. Baffling

Rupertpenrysmistress · 23/06/2021 17:48

Sounds right to me. My son was very unwell with a neuro condition, we had a call from his teacher and messages. They didn't make a big fuss as they are too busy and it's just not necessary, he just went back to school.

Babymeanswashing · 23/06/2021 17:49

@SleepingStandingUp

Also can you imagine the reverse thread

AIBU, DD was forced to make a child in her class a get well card last week but she doesn't even like him because he once put a booger in her hair / no one did it when she was off for a fortnight with chicken pox / haven't they wasted enough school time this year / surely it's a covid risk etx

I really can’t see why this would be a problem!

HelpingJane · 23/06/2021 17:50

It's the type of thing that there are no rules about, it would be up to the class teacher.

As far as the cards, some would and some wouldn't but I don't think it's really a reflection of what kind of person they are/ how much they care about your child. Some people like to make a big show/ grand gestures, does it mean they really care? Who knows.

Personally I think it would have been nice for someone from school to call or email to check DS was ok and it's a bit rubbish of them not to.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/06/2021 17:50

I really can’t see why this would be a problem!
It's Mumsnet. Someone always has a problem with what the teacher does.

Babymeanswashing · 23/06/2021 17:53

True but I don’t think it would be an issue, tbh.

FrownedUpon · 23/06/2021 17:56

It wouldn’t cross my mind to be upset about this. Schools are busy & they need to respect confidentiality. I’m really surprised you actually mentioned it to the school.

Anythingelseintheboxpandora · 23/06/2021 17:57

Back in the day we used to do stuff like this, to be honest it doesn't surprise me that now it's seen as inappropriate or whatever. Eurgh

This.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/06/2021 17:57

@Babymeanswashing

True but I don’t think it would be an issue, tbh.

Well it would be to whichever parent was peeved about it, just like it's an issue it didn't happen to op. That'sy point. Can't win

niceandsimple · 23/06/2021 18:03

The class don't need to know why a child is absent to notice that they are missing. It takes very little time to write a we miss you card, and makes the absent child feel really special and important.
Why not do it?
It can always be incorporated into another lesson, as PP mentioned she got letters written as part of the literacy lesson.
It is very sad when a child is absent for an extended period and there is very little acknowledgement from the school. And I mean by that acknowledgement in the child's eyes!!

Babymeanswashing · 23/06/2021 18:04

Well, they can be peeved about it but it’s a bit tough luck, to be honest. I remember making a card for a boy I didn’t like circa 1988 after he was run over

Geamhradh · 23/06/2021 18:10

There was a thread the other week where the OP's daughter returned to school after a stay in hospital to discover the teacher had told the class and on her first day back they all welcomed her back. The MNer went absolutely ape and threatened school governors, LEA and the Minister for Schools.

Damned if they do. As ever.

Backhills · 23/06/2021 18:14

Possibly a little but disappointing if his friends/their parents didn't get in touch but I wouldn't expect anything from the school.

It's true that medical issues need to be confidential. It's OK for you to say this one isn't of a sensitive nature, but who makes that call? All medical information is confidential.

BingBongToTheMoon · 23/06/2021 18:18

The sense of entitlement in some people is just astounding!
I’m absolutely aghast that you would think (never mind complain about) this!
Unbelievable.

juicey09 · 23/06/2021 18:27

One of my children had a serious accident in reception, they needed surgeries and were off for 4 weeks. The teacher visited us at home when out of hospital and had made a big card from the class (which we still have). The teacher put up a picture of my dc's friends on Dojo all smiling and waving and we put a picture up so the friends could see my dc was ok.

It sounds like the school should have at least given you a phone call to check in and see how things were going

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