Do you sleep well? What is your secret?

[OrangeIsNeutral]

Is is possible to share a bed/room and sleep well?

I've been on a mission to improve my sleep. DP and I used to fight over the duvet cover, so I bought a super king-size set. The curtains were allowing "too much" light in, so I bought blackout curtains. Now every speck of light is very visible and I actually sleep with an eye mask on. I often wake up feeling tired, annoyed, VERY thirsty and discombobulated.

Last night I fell asleep on the sofa with the lamp on. I woke up at 2am, 4 am and finally 7am. The light was streaming in the living room window and I had just a small blanket covering me. The sofa is a 2 seater so I was kind of cramped in a foetal position.

But here's the funny thing: I feel well-rested and refreshed! Despite the light, despite the blanket, I slept well. I've heard people say that separate rooms are the way forward, but I do enjoy a bed time cuddle, etc, and I'm not sure that we have the space for his-n-hers bedrooms.

Is there any hope for good sleep when you're sharing a bed?

We have a super king bed which helps I think!

Ear plugs and I have a separate weighted blanket. I sleep like a baby.

Yes, low carb eating really helps.

Try to drink plenty of water during the day. And you could try white noise?

A superking size bed and seperate blankets. Life changer, I felt close to murder before that with thr blanket keep getting pulled off. Humidifier on for part of the night has helped with my blocked nose/dry throat.

My secret to sleeping well... I have my own room. I've not slept in a bed with DH in over a year.
He snores, spins, grunts, talks, throws the duvet off, throws the duvet on...I'm not putting up with that.
No going back now, plus I love my own space and room.
We are much happier, I'm not tired and grumpy and I'm not plotting my revenge at 2am. I was getting very resentful of his night antics which had a knock on effect in the day.

I sleep alone which I think is the vital factor. Sorry OP.

But also I sleep with the curtains and window open. I live on a quiet road so the only disturbance I even have is once a week at 6ish when the bin lorry comes. The fresh air breeze seems pretty crucial as I feel stifled when the window is closed. If I fancy a Sunday lie in I close the curtains on Saturday night.

We sleep separately, though precisely because I sleep badly, so I don’t think that’s any kind of magic solution. My natural tendency is towards insomnia, and if I wake at 3 am I don’t get back to sleep at all, so it’s vital to try not to be woken — other things that are key for me are wide-open windows, cool room, the right pillows.

Open window
2 light duvets
2l water before 12 noon
No alcohol
No caffeine
Super king bed
HRT
Set bedtime/wake times

Basically being slightly cold helps.

Your own room and bed where you can have bedding/light to suit yourself.

I got a Fitbit recently and the sleep graphs were v interesting. It says how refreshed you are depends on how much deep sleep you get.

e.g. I go to sleep about 9 and I found out I get all my deep sleep at the begining of the night - so I now make sure I turn my phone to silent as people often msg as its still early and that was waking me up from deep sleep. Prior to that I always thought it was me waking during the early hours that made me tired.

I find I sleep well if I sleep less. My body doesn't like 8 hours sleep. 5/6 hours seems to suit me better. If I over sleep I get that groggy , exhausted feeling all day.

Former insomniac here :

No caffeine.
No screens before bed.
No going to bed before I am properly tired.
Massive bed with a firm mattress.
Finally - and I cannot stress this one enough - no dh in my bedroom, he's been banished to a spare room on the other side of the house.

Oh I’m also walking and getting outside a lot more than I used to when I wasn’t sleeping well. Eating better too and don’t feel that horrendous sluggish fog of tiredness. Interestingly I had a junk food binge on Monday and felt so tired I actually went for a nap in the afternoon!! I never take naps. I just felt so tired.

No booze
Those pink and yellow foam earplugs
Massive bed (super king) and good mattress
No screens in the evening
Read before turning the light out
Window ajar
Bedsocks on

I don't actually do all the above most of the time, but when I DO, it works!

I'm not sure any advice is going to help because surely people are all different?

I sleep well but I don't do anything to facilitate it. I just do :o I suspect years of cosleeping and breastfeeding through the night have trained me to sleep in whatever conditions are available just to catch up on my chronic sleep deprivation :o

I actually sleep better with my DP than without. Large bed helps, light duvet so we don’t get too hot.
I used to be a bad sleeper, no caffeine after early afternoon (which is hard I love full fat coke!)
Don’t drink much in the week I often find I wake up in the night if I’ve been drinking.

Interesting, thanks for your input!

We have a double bed, I think realistically we can only fit a King divan in our small bedroom. Which might also be a factor, thinking about it! If the room is small, there's less air circulation. I think we sleep reasonably well in hotels as the rooms tend to be large with super king beds. Difficult to say as we rarely go to bed sober on holiday!

We need to replace the carpet so I'm thinking of upgrading the bed after that's done, although maybe I should try to upgrade to a bigger house

98% of the time yes I sleep like the dead. 2% I have insomnia but that's not DP fault.

We share a King bed with separate single duvets. We both have vectors body cushions (mines between my legs his probs his back up). We both have a fan and blackout eye masks, blackout blinds. And we have different material sheets.

I find without separate duvets DP cooks me alive

Definitely a bigger bed, with a mattress that is designed not to wobble every time one of you moves. Separate bedding. We share one duvet and I have a second one (DH believes that I hog the duvet, but amusingly, if I ditched my back up, I'd barely have enough duvet to cover me. So I'd say he has 2/3 of one and I have 1/3 of the big one and a smaller one).

Also, I sleep better when I take a minimum of 1000mg omega 3 every day.

Superking bed, with a 7ft duvet. And we've got superking pillows which help too. Cool cotton bedding, and fan left on overnight to tune your ears into. And windows left slightly ajar.

I also do a lot of walking, so I'm always physically tired. Last night I'd walked 5 miles and mowed all the lawns. DH had to turn the light out as I'd literally gotten into bed and crashed out.

16:8 diet. Makes it really easy to stick to it when I know if I don't I won't sleep.

Ear plugs.
Lavender pillow spray
Sleep balm.
Tazer gun for DH.

Silly question maybe OP but do you actually like sleeping in the dark? Or have you blacked out your room based on sleep advice? You say you slept better with the light streaming in the lounge, I used to have insomnia and I sleep much better in the summer when I wake up refreshed with the beautiful sunlight streaming in than in the winter when I feel so groggy stumbling out of bed in the dark. I sleep with ear plugs as my husband snores, and we share a super king bed but have separate covers. I also have a set of techniques for if I wake to get me back to sleep that involve distraction rather than thinking, eg. I think of animals/fruit etc. for each letter of the alphabet and usually make it to about J before I'm asleep again. In the past I followed advice to write down my worries and I'd be up the rest of the night worrying about them.