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Original poster

My teen son friending randoms on snapchat and sexting them- Help!

64 replies

piddocktrumperiness · 22/06/2021 17:38

Hi everyone. I really am frustrated here and so concerned. My 16 yr old has been adding random 'girls' on snapchat and sending inappropriate texts to them, along with pictures of himself (he admitted as much). I have sat down with him and explained to him how dangerous social media is, that he'd never know who he really is talking to, and even if they were girls, they could be decoys for grooming by creeps. I also explained to him that anyone could screenshot his inappropriate pics and that those pics could be anywhere, and on the internet they'd never go away and that they could come back to haunt him. I don't really know whether it has sunk in though.

I have told him that I'll be doing random checks on his phone where he hands it over and opens up his photo album and apps for me to see. I also said his phone is not to be in his bedroom at night.

He has done something similar to this where he was friending half naked women on instagram and watching porn on his phone so I blocked the sites and ability to download the app and took his phone off him but clearly he has not learnt anything. I already have parental restrictions with my broadband so I'm not sure how he is navigating this. Technology moves so fast and I can't keep up and it is terrifying me.

I feel like a shit parent.

His father and I are divorced and I often am always the first one to discover these antics and deal with it first. I tell his dad and his dad's attitude is less punitive as he wants our son to be trusting of us. I get that but I just don't know what to do.

Has anyone here experienced anything like this? If your children did anything remotely similar, how did the message finally get through?
I would be so grateful for any tips or advice on how to deal with this.

How can I keep my son safe online?

OP posts:

WeAreTheHeroes · 22/06/2021 17:41

If he's sending these photos of himself unsolicited he's committing a crime. Does he want a criminal record as a sex offender? Oh and of course whoever he sends these photos to could blackmail him into other activities in order for them not to go to the police.

KittyMcKitty · 22/06/2021 17:43

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time.

Tbh (especially as this isn’t a first offence) I would take his phone away and give himself something which could literally just make calls.

I would also have a serious talk with him about respecting girls / women - am I right that he is sending unsolicited nudes to random girls - that’s assault!

Geamhradh · 22/06/2021 17:43

They could be decoys for creeps putting your son in danger, yes.
They could also be 12 in which case your son might, as a 16 year old, be the one doing the grooming.
I suggest you tell him that.
I teach 16 year olds and what you are saying about your son is not normal, so don't let your ex come out with the "it's normal teen boy stuff". It's not. It's predatory behaviour and it needs sorting.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families

KittyMcKitty · 22/06/2021 17:45

Also - and I’m sorry to say this - it’s not really about keeping your son safe online now - it’s about protecting girls from him! If he’s searching out random people to do this to he’s clearly getting a kick out of it.

Original poster

piddocktrumperiness · 22/06/2021 17:45

Thanks everyone
No he is not sending them unsolicited. They ask for him to send pictures

OP posts:

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 22/06/2021 17:47

Students were caught doing similar at my school and the police destroying their phones. That might get through to him.

User27aw · 22/06/2021 17:47

@KittyMcKitty

I agree. Girls need to be protected from your son. Take his phone away before he gets a criminal record.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 22/06/2021 17:48

Your son is an idiot (as many 16 year olds are) Have you pointed that there are probably hairy handed blokes masturbating over his pictures?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/06/2021 17:50

No he is not sending them unsolicited. They ask for him to send pictures

Irrelevant. Your son need serious help, and I would be getting rid of his phone entirely.

Original poster

piddocktrumperiness · 22/06/2021 17:50

@KittyMcKitty

The half naked models on instagram he did follow yes but snapchat it seems to be the other way around
He just adds anyone- it's ridiculous

OP posts:

Fooshufflewickjbannanapants · 22/06/2021 17:51

Take his phone he's a not only doing something illegal the girls he is doing this to need protecting. Stop being so soft.

Original poster

piddocktrumperiness · 22/06/2021 17:52

@Aquamarine1029

That's my first reaction, but I want the solution to be a sustainable one and I think this is a knee jerk reaction

OP posts:

Fooshufflewickjbannanapants · 22/06/2021 17:52

And being half naked on Instagram is not an invite for unsolicited dick pics

Ijustreallywantacat · 22/06/2021 17:53

This!

HE is bring the creep. He is in the wrong. He needs a serious talking to about harassment. And about the porn. Sit him down and watch the documentary 'Hot Girls Wanted' with him.

grapewine · 22/06/2021 17:53

@KittyMcKitty

Sorry, but that's what I was thinking.

KittyMcKitty · 22/06/2021 17:53

[quote piddocktrumperiness]@KittyMcKitty

The half naked models on instagram he did follow yes but snapchat it seems to be the other way around
He just adds anyone- it's ridiculous[/quote]
But he is adding them with the intention of sending them nudes. Seriously I would take his phone away and speak to a professional who could give you appropriate advice. (I have an 18 & 16 yr old and this is really not normal behaviour).

tenlittlecygnets · 22/06/2021 17:54

@piddocktrumperiness

Thanks everyone No he is not sending them unsolicited. They ask for him to send pictures

Really? Teen girls are asking a random boy to send them dick pics? Right.

DariaMorgendorffer · 22/06/2021 17:55

@KittyMcKitty

Agreed.

Original poster

piddocktrumperiness · 22/06/2021 17:57

I don't want to be soft but I know my son, he is naive. It doesn't cross his mind that the people he might be texting are younger than him. He thought they are his age range. I looked at some of the conversations and the girls would send regular selfies- they look in their mid teens but that is where I tell him they could be selfies plucked by anyone.

I know I am his mother but reading posts on here that make out my son is a predator is very hurtful. He is not.
He is being stupid but is not being predatory.
I'm trying to ensure he doesn't disrespect himself and others.

OP posts:

RolyPolyBatFace · 22/06/2021 17:59

Have you tried explaining to him that he's potentially committing a crime? Might that sink in a little more?

I think I'd be tempted to tell him that this really is last chance saloon. Obviously the phone needs to be out of his room at night and you will be checking it regularly. If he continues to do what he's doing then you've got no option but to remove all his tech until he can be more sensible.

I have a 14 year old DS who messages and receives messages from randoms. He's not doing anything sexual thank god - it's all gaming - but I understand this stupid unhealthy reliance on a phone and speaking with strangers. I need eyes in the back of my head to ensure he's not receiving messages that aren't suitable.

I really wouldn't do the knee jerk just yet but he has to realise that he can't send photos of himself like this

yikesanotherbooboo · 22/06/2021 17:59

This isn't normal behaviour at all and puts others and your son at risk in various ways including criminal behaviour
It has to stop and he needs to feel contrite and to understand that this is unacceptable to you and to society at large.
I am not sure about where advice is to be had. Possibly anonymously from the NSPCC? He can't be trusted with a 'picture' phone and needs to be supervised on the internet.
What a difficult situation.

Original poster

piddocktrumperiness · 22/06/2021 18:00

@tenlittlecygnets

Yes, really. I've been reading the text chats which is why I have been saying they are likely to be messages from creeps. No normal girl would ask questions like that.

They sound like shitty sexts you get off tinder- I've had a fair few!

OP posts:

Bat96 · 22/06/2021 18:00

You've mentioned that you'll do random checks on his phone, I don't use Snapchat myself but I think photos dissappear from there instantly once sent, or after a little while, maybe someone can confirm?

Also, he can delete photos from his phone gallery, which can be then found in the deleted folder, but he can delete them permanently from there too.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 22/06/2021 18:03

He is being stupid now, because he is 16 and has found an online version of leering at girls. Something every boy goes through. In real life they get real life, re time redactions from girls they have to meet socially every day. That itself tends to mediate the behaviour.

But your DS is not getting that feedback, just the kicks. That is the problem. He isn't learning the real lesson, he's learning a pornogrified version of relationships.

Please do try and find local real life help for him, and you, to understand the potential dangers if what he is doing.

KittyMcKitty · 22/06/2021 18:04

@piddocktrumperiness seriously you need to stop minimising your sons behaviour! Surely you have seen things in the press about Everyone’s Invited and the onslaught of sexual abuse girls and young women are getting on a daily basis and the lack of care society has had in keeping them safe. Your son is part of this problem. I understand that you love him and want to protect him but the best way you can do this is by acknowledging his problem and his misogynistic, abusive behaviour- this will not get better by itself.

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