My teen son friending randoms on snapchat and sexting them- Help!

[piddocktrumperiness]

Hi everyone. I really am frustrated here and so concerned. My 16 yr old has been adding random 'girls' on snapchat and sending inappropriate texts to them, along with pictures of himself (he admitted as much). I have sat down with him and explained to him how dangerous social media is, that he'd never know who he really is talking to, and even if they were girls, they could be decoys for grooming by creeps. I also explained to him that anyone could screenshot his inappropriate pics and that those pics could be anywhere, and on the internet they'd never go away and that they could come back to haunt him. I don't really know whether it has sunk in though.

I have told him that I'll be doing random checks on his phone where he hands it over and opens up his photo album and apps for me to see. I also said his phone is not to be in his bedroom at night.

He has done something similar to this where he was friending half naked women on instagram and watching porn on his phone so I blocked the sites and ability to download the app and took his phone off him but clearly he has not learnt anything. I already have parental restrictions with my broadband so I'm not sure how he is navigating this. Technology moves so fast and I can't keep up and it is terrifying me.

I feel like a shit parent.

His father and I are divorced and I often am always the first one to discover these antics and deal with it first. I tell his dad and his dad's attitude is less punitive as he wants our son to be trusting of us. I get that but I just don't know what to do.

Has anyone here experienced anything like this? If your children did anything remotely similar, how did the message finally get through?
I would be so grateful for any tips or advice on how to deal with this.

How can I keep my son safe online?

OP I don't think your son sounds predatory at all, I think the comments here are really harsh. But there is obviously a lesson to be learned about sharing pictures of himself and also the risks of receiving pics from others.

It's worrying but I bet a lot of teens are doing it, even girls asking for pics, because this is how a lot of them are going to be exploring their sexuality ie online.

I certainly was at that age! This was in the 90s though so sexting over trouble chat Anyone remember Steam? - the over 18s room - no ago checks whatsoever, I was 15 and chatting to a guy named Captain Cunnilingus not that I understood the name at the time. It was called "cyber sex" back then as in "wanna cyber?"

Luckily it wasnt a thing to be sharing pics in my day but I probably would have gone along with it for a while if I'd thought it was the done thing.

Not trying to make light of any risks to your son or any of the girls he may be speaking to, but just sharing another perspective.

Op I’m glad your conversations with your DS have led to some positive results
I think you really need to impress upon him that sending nudes to strangers is incredibly dangerous. There is a zero percent change it will lead to a relationship. It may lead to a criminal conviction or humiliation for him if it is passed around and goes to people within his social circle.And yes people who do not know him will think this is predatory behaviour. If you saw a story about a male sending nudes to a bunch of randoms what would you think ?

Don’t give his phone back anytime soon and keep talking to him about how damaging this could be to him. Find other ways to occupy his time that could lead to him forming healthy relationships.

OP, does he have any learning or mental health difficulties?

How are his friendships and so on?

It sounds as though he has a very shaky understanding of how relationships are formed and needs some help with that.

I’m not minimising or excusing his behaviour but if he genuinely is that naive, then that’s not entirely normal.

My 15yo has done the same (not dick pics, topless photos of himself). I’ve had the conversations, removed his phone, reported him to safeguarding (who said I was handling it perfectly and closed the case.)
It didn’t help. Twice he’s had his phone back, twice he’s repeated the behaviour. He’s not getting it back again.
I don’t know what to suggest. Safeguarding didn’t have any other suggestions either.
I just wanted to tell you you aren’t alone.

Also wondering if your son has a learning/development delay you haven't mentioned here, OP? You describe him as exceptionally confused and naive, crying when confronted about porn and no idea about even basic internet safety. He sounds more in the age range of 12-14, not 16. If you're in Scotland, he could be going away to university next year, you won't be able to take his phone off him then and by the sounds of it he'd get himself into an enormous mess.

On the other hand, are you babying him, and describing him as younger to make sure he comes off as innocent in all of this?

. I have sat down with him and explained to him how dangerous social media is, that he'd never know who he really is talking to, and even if they were girls, they could be decoys for grooming by creeps

Sorry what??????
You should have sat him down and told him he is being a disgusting pervert, committing a crime and harassing women.
These poor girls are being sent illicit photos out of the blue and you make it about HIS safety??

Tell him to stop being so nasty, noone wants to see pictures of his dick. Disgusting.

Porn has a lot to answer for in this country. God help us if this is what normal harmless behaviour in teenage boys looks like.

Your attitude to this is worrying too. It is extremely disturbing that your son thinks this is a normal way to interact with girls online. You need to be impressing on him that his behaviour is not acceptable because women do not want to be sent dick pics (nothing to do with whether it's a "decoy" targeting him). Does he think it's ok to flash his penis at an attractive woman he sees in the park? I'd hope not...

I just want to point out that even him sharing pics of himself could get him into trouble for child pornography. And if he is sending explicit images to younger girls then this is a can of worms you don’t want to open.

Explain to him what would happen if it is found out that he has been talking to and sending images to younger girls. He could be a registered sex offender simply for the pics. He doesn’t want that when it can ruin his life. We underestimate the harm this can do to his life. Say he is chatting with a 14yr old girl. Innocent enough until it becomes sexually explicit.

Also speak to him about how adults posing as children groom children online. They often solicit pics from children, and then sometimes escalate by blackmailing that child to send more and more explicit pics or videos.

You need to take the phone away. Not only is he putting himself in danger from being groomed online, he’s also putting himself in danger to get himself into trouble with the law.

I really don't understand why posters are intent as placing him as the victim and as 'at risk' of strangers on the internet.

HE is the dodgy stranger on the internet!!

He is actively seeking out girls to send them unsolicited sexual photos, he's vile. At 17 you're old enough to know this.

It's alarming you're more worried about your son getting groomed when he should be the one girls should be scared of I.e he could be doing the grooming. You're more scared his pics will end up elsewhere? How about not send the disgusting pics in the first place.

I couldn't agree more @thisplaceisweird. He needs a wake up call. This is wrong in so many fronts. How his mother cannot be appalled at his behaviour I don't know.

Please also tell him that if any of the girls are pretending to be 16 but are younger he could be put on a sex-offenders register.

Your ds is playing a dangerous game.

He's breaking the law by sending nudes. He's also breaking the law if he has indecent images on an under 18 on his phone. Whether it was consensual or coerced doesn't matter. If the other person speaks up or their parents or school speak to the police he risks being questioned as a sex offender.

On MTV there's a programme called Catfish. Sometimes the person is who they say they are but usually they are not and have used images of friends or randoms from the Internet. I suspect that some of these accounts could be men - how does he feel about an old adult wanking over his images?