Do we find motherhood harder than previous generations and if so why?

[user365683]

This is just my personal experience so I could be wrong. When I first became a mum I think it shocked me how hard it was. I think the sudden change in lifestyle/lack of sleep etc. My sister has recently also had a baby and was the same. She even said to me why did no one tell her how hard it was. Our mothers response was it's not hard just different. My MIL seems to think similar. I have heard similar from other friends aswell.

So my question do you think previous generations found it easier and if so why do you think that is? Or do they just forget/look back through rose tinted glasses?

My only possible thought could be when I look at the differences between my mums parenting to mine. She apparently left me downstairs in the cot from day 1 at night. Obviously that would be considered terrible parenting now but she said it was just normal then and meant she was never sleep deprived.

My mum sympathises that parenting is hard. My brother didn't sleep through the night until 2.5yrs, we squabbled as children etc. Her parenting was fairly similar to mine but I also suspect often people have forgotten elements of it.

No such thing as "previous generations". Too many variables with class, economic bracket, ethnicity, region, family support etc.

Both my MIL and mum warned me that parenting was hard and seemed disappointed when we had children. They have very little to do with their grandchildren.

I think women put a lot more pressure on themselves and others to be perfect. This mantra of never leaving a child to cry is very challenging and a misunderstanding of attachment theory.

I think people forget! Also, different attitudes ie leaving you downstairs.

I know my mum made great use of a playpen whereas no one I know uses one now. I think that would have made a big difference.

I've seen loads of modern playpens! They tend to be mesh and plastic rather than wood.

Yep. 2 obvious reasons:

2 people, 2 full time jobs

2 full time jobs to buy a MUCH more expensive family house

So greater pressure all round

They generally didn’t work. I think people expected much less of them. I know my MIL basically ignored DH and his siblings as much as possible, even as babies.

I know my mum made great use of a playpen whereas no one I know uses one now. I think that would have made a big difference

I used a playpen extensively for DS in 2005, he was a very active crawler from 7-11 months and walked at 11 months, how else could I for example wash the kitchen floor or clean the bathroom ?

Yeah because we have to work full time, or near enough.
My parents left us cry, which I won’t do with mine.

He is 17 and seems ok.

We’re more aware of what others are doing in the wider society, previous generations didn’t have social media and weren’t constantly bombarded by what they ‘should’ be doing. They would only compare their careers, homes, clothing, beauty rituals, diets, children’s achievements and parenting to their family and friends- who were likely in the same socio economic bracket as them so very similar. Probably a simpler time but hardly easier when many didn’t have washing machines, their own money, husbands who helped, supermarkets etc. So like a previous poster said, not easier, just different.

Life was generally harder and more physical so less contrast when a baby was born.
Larger, more local families so women tended to have more experience before starting their own.
Less expectation of "parenting" you could let baby cry, put it in a playpen, leave the pram outside the shop. Children could play out with other children. Less focus on educating and entertaining.
If you were having to do chores like laundry manually, you couldn't manage to be 100% focussed on a baby/ toddler.
Less social expectation to have it all so not handwringing over choices. If you had to work, you had to work. If you could be a SAHM, that was the norm. Not worrying so much over the cost of choices like career progression.

I'm not saying they were halcyon days, but expectations were probably more realistic and the lifestyle less of a shock.

@FakeColinCaterpillar

They generally didn’t work. I think people expected much less of them. I know my MIL basically ignored DH and his siblings as much as possible, even as babies.

Many women had to work and have always had to work. My grandmother and great aunts were all cleaners.

Also, especially where I grew up (am 34 so not a million years ago) everyone pitched in. We lived in a cul de sac and there was always other kids at ours/us at someone else's for a big batch tea (mince and dumplings/pie and peas/curry and rice) always enough but never 'fussy'
My dm definitely had a 'village' to help raise us, we have none of that with our 2 due to ft work and living far from friends

I think expectations were much lower - some parents thought nothing of leaving their children in the pram or playpen for hours, refusing to play with them, kicking them out to play after breakfast, leaving them to cry themselves to sleep etc. These practices are all frowned upon nowadays but they do make life easier for the parents!

I would take everything the older generation says about parenting not being hard with a pinch of salt: it's likely they have forgotten a lot of the hard bits.

@AnneTwackie - good points. Different, in someways easier and more straightforward, other ways harder and more difficult. Just different.

Im not sure they did find it easier. Theres a reason so many got addicted to vallium or drank mothers ruin? And working class women always worked..

But I do wonder if different expectations of what being a good parent was make a difference to some aspect. I was 4/5 when i was allowed to walk to school alone and i was allowed to the park by myself at that age too.

Cry it out and strict routine certainly used to be more common.

My mum was an attachment parent before it had a name and her style wasn't the norm.

I read something somewhere that said we are the last generation to listen to our parents, but the first generation to listen to our kids. For me at least, it's true as my dad didn't give a fuck if I was emotionally supported, intellectually stimulated, or ate a good diet. He just raised me. Anything he didn't know he asked his mother who was born in 1934 so the advice was slightly outdated!

I spend hours researching every parenting technique (benefits of the Internet), nutrition, child psychology, different play styles, etc. I make myself into my child's entertainer, counsellor, disciplinarian, friend and confidant.

It's harder now as the world is so child centric. But easier as we have baby groups, technology, and the benefit of hindsight.

It won't be a popular view but I think people are less resilient these days. Maybe because life is generally easier than it used to be, people don't expect to struggle in the same way, so it's a shock when they do.

I think the internet makes it easier sometimes but often harder. My DM is always amazed I know so much about parenting and nutrution etc. Not saying o know much at all but she generally says they used to go on the advice of one or two people and get on with it rather than questioning every move

Isn't it good to leave them to entertain themselves for 10 minutes ?. Ds was happy in his playpen he pulled himself up on the bars, I attached various toys to it. Hours and hours obviously not but a few minutes here and there ?

I think we (I was born c1970) have freedoms our parents could only dream of and pressures they'll never understand.