I've messed up

[Ballsinabiscuittin]

Flame me, throw tar and feathers in my face!
I have completely messed up, my Dgm died 7 weeks ago and we were very close my exdp and I lived with her up until we had our dc 10 years ago.
Anyway her funeral was five weeks ago, I was very upset and definitely had too much to drink and ended up sleeping with my ex, who was there to pay his respects.

I've just done a test and I'm pregnant!
I'm really not sure what to do or even if I want to tell ex or continue with the pregnancy, he has a partner and recently had another dc so I know that this will create a world of hurt for everyone involved.

It has never happened in the 7 years we have been apart, I feel so guilty and conflicted.

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to drop in and say you sound really measured and realistic and this must be so difficult on top of your grief.

I'm sure your decision is the right one and I hope it all works out for you.

@RedthroatedCaracara

But women and our rights do not exist in a vacuum. Others, particularly our children, should be taken into consideration. Indeed they should be prioritised when they are so young.

I'm guessing that OP's DC are aged between 10 & 7 - what impact is that going to have on them emotionally, practically and financially (OP will presumably be taking maternity leave)?

How will it affect their relationship with their dad? What impact will it have on his relationship with his other child - s/he matters.

And what if he chooses not to have a relationship with his fourth child - how will that impact their sense of self worth, their relationship with their siblings.

I'm not trying to pressurise OP into an abortion, I'm arguing against those who say she should do what's best for herself regardless of others.

But are you not suggesting OP is being selfish? I don't read it like that at all. She IS choosing to prioritize her child, who happens not to be born yet, even at the cost of making her life more complicated. If she already feels a bond and an instinct to care for the child, the way most women do about their pregnancies at this stage when they're planned, that's nothing to feel guilty about.

I know that this will create a world of hurt for everyone involved

^^ The OP's own words.

She doesn't have a third child yet so she isn't prioriting that child. She is being urged to prioritise her own wants and feelings without taking into consideration those of her existing child and her ex's child.

And I do think her ex's wishes should be taken into consideration too.

Good luck with everything op.

@TaraR2020

Congratulations on your pregnancy op :) you'll work your way through the rest as it comes and you come across as thoughtful and sensitive so I'm sure you'll manage whatever happens next the right way. Good luck and I hope you don't beat yourself up too much.

This

How are you doing OP? Hope you're ok.

@NessieMcNessface

When I saw a counsellor once during a pre- abortion consultation, she said that if any part of you wanted to keep the baby you should go ahead with the pregnancy regardless of anything else you might have to deal with as a result. I believe that to be right. I didn’t feel able to follow her advice due to circumstances that would just be too outing to disclose. However, I so wish I had. Congratulations on your pregnancy OP!

I am assuming this is one of these counsellor’s connected to a religious organisation, because it’s harmful bullshit.