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Original poster

I've messed up

82 replies

Ballsinabiscuittin · 11/06/2021 00:55

Flame me, throw tar and feathers in my face!
I have completely messed up, my Dgm died 7 weeks ago and we were very close my exdp and I lived with her up until we had our dc 10 years ago.
Anyway her funeral was five weeks ago, I was very upset and definitely had too much to drink and ended up sleeping with my ex, who was there to pay his respects.

I've just done a test and I'm pregnant!
I'm really not sure what to do or even if I want to tell ex or continue with the pregnancy, he has a partner and recently had another dc so I know that this will create a world of hurt for everyone involved.

It has never happened in the 7 years we have been apart, I feel so guilty and conflicted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ballsinabiscuittin · 15/06/2021 10:31

I'm not absolving him at all, I know he's just as much to blame and he is the one that's cheated, however he doesn't know about the baby yet as I haven't told him so I feel like right now I need to take responsibility as for now it's my problem until I'm ready to share it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ballsinabiscuittin · 15/06/2021 10:33

I do want to keep the baby and have decided that I will. No i wouldn't get back together with him, we we're not good together.

OP posts:
SengaMac · 15/06/2021 10:35

Your ex has cheated and his DP will be heartbroken if she finds out.
That's his responsibility, not yours.

Good luck with whatever you do.

NotLinear · 15/06/2021 10:36

Just seen your update Flowers I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for you.
I didn’t comment previously as I knew I would keep the baby as I’d personally regret it but I didn’t want to make you feel any shame if you chose not to

Original poster
Ballsinabiscuittin · 15/06/2021 10:38

Thank you @NotLinear It's been a hard decision to make, I know that if I had a termination I would regret it I would never shame any woman if that's what she chose, but it's not for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ballsinabiscuittin · 15/06/2021 10:39

@SengaMac I know she will be and she will eventually find out as you can't really keep a baby a secret for too long.

OP posts:
NotLinear · 15/06/2021 10:43

@Ballsinabiscuittin
I feel the same way but the last thing a woman who is going through a termination needs is someone telling her they’d keep the baby. I’m pro choice although I’ve never had a termination (or a pregnancy, for that matter) but I understand that even wanted terminations stir up lots of emotions Flowers

I want to wish you luck with telling your ex. Remember he’s the one that cheated but I’d still have sympathy for his poor wife

NotLinear · 15/06/2021 10:44

By that I mean she might lash out at you because she’s hurt! Have sympathy but I wouldn’t take all of the shit - he deserves the majority.

HollowTalk · 15/06/2021 10:45

This reply has been deleted

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FourTeaFallOut · 15/06/2021 10:49

How do you think your current children will react to having a full sibling with a parent who is living with and quite possibly remains living with another partner?

2ndtimemum2 · 15/06/2021 10:51

Op I don't know what to say I hope your at peace with your decision.ive had an unplanned pregnancy so I know how hard it is on your emotions. At the end of the day you have to weigh up what's best for you and your family and you sound like you've decided that continuing with the pregnancy is the best choice

Frownette · 15/06/2021 10:53

Grief is a funny time. What's done is done and sorry for your DGM.

Original poster
Ballsinabiscuittin · 15/06/2021 11:03

@HollowTalk I'm aware of what may or may not happen, his partner also doesn't need to have anything to do with me or the baby.
I was also using contraception and have already been to my doctors, as I only tested a week ago, so it isn't a late pregnancy I'm still very early.

@FourTeaFallOut I'm not sure how they'll react, but that will be a bridge I'll have to cross when I come to it.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 15/06/2021 11:05

But of course his partner will have to have something to do with the baby - her partner will be seeing all his kids at his own house, presumably? So staring her in the face is the proof of her partner's infidelity.

And if she leaves then her child won't have their dad living with them, either.

The knock on effects are horrendous.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/06/2021 11:14

Best of luck to you, you’ll need it.

Original poster
Ballsinabiscuittin · 15/06/2021 11:22

@HollowTalk what exactly would you like me to say?
He already doesn't live with two of his children, my dc! I cannot say it's all going to be a bed of Rose's and know people will get hurt, relationships break down alot of the time and lots of children don't live with both of their parents, it is something we will all have to deal with.

OP posts:
kurtney · 15/06/2021 11:30

You are throwing a hand grenade into so many people's lives. How are you going to explain this to people? If he stays with his partner she'll be destroyed and won't want anything to do with you or the new baby. If she leaves, he won't be living with any of his children

Perhaps exdp should have thought of all that before sleeping with someone else. But as usual, it appears that the responsibility lies with the woman. I'm pro choice and would probably terminate in this scenario but the OP shouldn't have to consider everybody else in this situation instead of what she wants to do. That's was for her her exdp to do before shagging her.

Curlymam88 · 15/06/2021 11:32

People need to leave OP alone. She knows it's not the ideal situation and has said she wants to keep the baby so leave her be. Seems like people are trying to make her feel bad and to terminate.

Worriesome · 15/06/2021 11:34

@Ballsinabiscuittin do you think his family would break apart due to his infidelity? He is just as much to blame for this x

Morgan12 · 15/06/2021 11:37

It's going to be a very tough time for you all. I really wish you all the best. At the end of the day a new wee baby will be coming into the world and a baby that's wanted and loved isn't ever a bad thing. Good luck.

Mama1980 · 15/06/2021 11:41

I wish you all the best with your pregnancy op and I'm glad you've reached a decision you are comfortable with.

Original poster
Ballsinabiscuittin · 15/06/2021 11:42

@Worriesome I really don't know if they would break up I don't know much about their relationship, they have only been together 2 years.
I know he is also as much to blame and I do feel awful, so thank you to you and others who have been supportive and not flamed me,
I really am struggling with the the situation.

OP posts:
SurelyNott · 15/06/2021 11:47

He is more to blame, you didn’t cheat he did. You were drunk and full of grief, he shouldn’t have slept with you.

Ok so it wasn’t great you have facilitated that cheating but it doesn’t sound like you would have in normal times.

As you’ve made your decision congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope the fall out isn’t too hard

Worriesome · 15/06/2021 12:14

@Ballsinabiscuittin just sit on it, don’t make any hasty Declan’s go with your gut. I’m sorry you’re going through this predicament x

Worriesome · 15/06/2021 12:15

Sorry not Declan’s I meant decisions