Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

adults obsessed with routines

30 replies

Missushbb · 09/06/2021 20:37

hi, is this common? my sister in law is obsessed with times, totally inflexible if things don't fit her exact schedule.
this was pre kids too but she is much worse now with two kids.
so shopping has to be certain day, you can see her getting twitchy if it gets to a certain time and you're out, she always has to be home
for lunch at same time, goes to
bed at 8.30pm. Literally will run away to get home by a certain time.

it's quite stressful as you know if we're making plans to meet, it will either have to be at the crack of dawn, or she will say no!

OP posts:
PixieDust28 · 09/06/2021 20:38

Does she have anxiety? I am funny with times and always have to be somewhere on time or early.

I can be flexible but do like to stick to some sort of routine.

LizzieSiddal · 09/06/2021 20:41

I too was going to say anxiety.

I know people like this, I feel sorry for them as it must be awful to live like this.

Temple29 · 09/06/2021 20:41

Could be an obsessive thing. I’m personally quite strict with my kids routine (babies) and wouldn’t be flexible but is she like that when she meets you on her own?

Original poster
Missushbb · 09/06/2021 20:53

i have thought it must be anxiety. i have anxiety, i'm on citalopram which has massively helped. she makes me more anxious!

OP posts:
Original poster
Missushbb · 09/06/2021 20:55

when her parents were looking after her first child overnight, for the first time, she had written out a full document of timings, i mean, there must have been several pages of A4 paper

OP posts:
MournfulTromboneNoise · 09/06/2021 20:57

Ah, she's not hurting anyone. It's a hard life.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 09/06/2021 20:59

My mums like this I put it down to an old people's thing

Jowak1 · 09/06/2021 21:02

I have anxiety and am too on Citalopram which helps lots. I don't have a fixed routine though for example tea isn't a certain time as the kids do various activities most nights do we work around those. If I'm enjoying myself at my friends i don't feel the need to be gone by a certain time just so I'm home at the same time.

Jowak1 · 09/06/2021 21:05

Forgot to add I do have to be early every where though! I'm out of my comfort zone being on time or late!🤪

H1978 · 09/06/2021 21:36

I’m the same about being on time. Last dentist appointment I was 45 minutes early but I’d rather that then be rushing in with minutes to go.

newnortherner111 · 09/06/2021 21:40

Liking punctuality yes, valuing sleep good, meals at set times not a bad thing, but this seems to indicate (non-medical opinion) either anxiety or being perhaps somewhere on the autism/asperger's spectrum?

Original poster
Missushbb · 09/06/2021 21:51

maybe not hurting anyone but it can be hard work when it's ok for other people to compromise or change plans, but she never would. it can be a bit much!

Re anxiety, i'm never anxious about getting places on time, it's more catastrophising for me. or a general feeling of unease.

OP posts:
Doghairismyglitter · 09/06/2021 22:00

I wouldn’t cancel seeing someone if it affected my routine, but I do obsessively think about time/timings/the days structure and find myself extremely on edge and internally stressed if it changes. However as a lone parent to young children I’m not sure if that’s caused it, as I was never like this before having children! Sometimes meal times or nap times etc being messed up can be monumentally stressful, so best to avoid at all costs if possible! Perhaps this may be the case with your sister in law? I wish myself I wasn’t so time rigid however! And any form of myself being late makes me through the roof stressed out.

Onefelloutofthecuckoonest · 09/06/2021 22:08

@Missushbb

when her parents were looking after her first child overnight, for the first time, she had written out a full document of timings, i mean, there must have been several pages of A4 paper
TBH I did this when my in-laws had DD1 overnight for the first time. They were asking loads of questions, and I wanted to make it as easy for them as possible, so I figured if I told them what I did, they could take it from there, and choose to follow it or not.
Worriesome · 09/06/2021 22:12

Gosh I see myself a bit in ur sis in law 😬 I revolve my day around kids routines and try and stick to them. I do have a little anxiety tbh

Dizzywizz · 09/06/2021 22:18

Yeah I’m recognising quite a lot of myself here, but I dont have strict timings that cannot be changed, although a sudden unexpected change would stress me out

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 09/06/2021 22:27

I've got my set routine and habits and timings . Some are set around DD ,some are just for me.

I can deviate from them and be flexible if needed, but I do "pay" for it.

Things not being done and adding up, feeling overwhelmed,stressed ,"flappy". That stupid,irrational feeling that I'm forgetting something essential and I'm not prepared. The domino effect .The list goes on.

I can easily see how other feel that all those things are just not worth it.

HelloBunny · 09/06/2021 22:28

We’re the opposite... Random things can crop up, and we go with the flow. Our baby has been brought up like this since day one... Things happen at general times, like breakfast, naps, playing. But there’s no set routine, and things can change. DS sleeps when he feels like it.
Same if my mum is looking after him. She knows how to feed / change him, get him to sleep. I don’t need to tell her! I suppose it depends on what kind of person you are. Me & DH aren’t 9to5-ers, are easy going, so it suits us & our baby to live like this.

Original poster
Missushbb · 09/06/2021 23:07

i can understand a rough guide possibly, but this was stuff like, put her dressing gown on after her bath!

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 09/06/2021 23:33

some PFB confessions to show you she's not alone

Original poster
Missushbb · 09/06/2021 23:41

😂 i'm recognising myself in some of those PFB antics!!
i definitely think it's a control thing. she set the alarm to wake up to feed the baby during the night. this struck me as mental!

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 10/06/2021 10:56

TBH I did this when my in-laws had DD1 overnight for the first time. They were asking loads of questions, and I wanted to make it as easy for them as possible, so I figured if I told them what I did, they could take it from there, and choose to follow it or not.

Me too. It was - here is her routine, if you screw it up she’s a nightmare. It was up to them to choose that or not.

Triffid1 · 10/06/2021 11:13

How old are her DC? Because I think if you have difficult babies, sometimes the routine is the only thing that gets you through and/or the babies really respond to that. I remember MIL telling me that 7 month old DS could stay up a bit later because it was "holidays" and my retort that the later he stayed up , the more times he woke in the night so if she was willing to do all the night wakings, then sure, he could stay up late.

Doghairismyglitter · 10/06/2021 11:26

I used to set my alarm to feed my baby in the night, he was underweight so didn’t want to miss or be late for a feed.. And agree with PP, sometimes routine changing can really have a domino effect and ultimately it’s the parent that pays the price/has the stress from it

Doghairismyglitter · 10/06/2021 11:29

I also think if you’re a lone parent, routine becomes more prominent as well as there’s only one person to get everything done and it’s bloody hard work (understatement of the year Grin)