Appealing a suspension

[OckRd]

DS has recently been suspended from school for seven weeks (effectively permanently as he is in his last year) for climbing scaffolding on an historic school building. Case not helped by the 5 pints of beer. We do not live in the UK and he has only been at the school for 6th Form (since September 2019 - so he has barely been at school at all). Otherwise unblemished record - indeed glowing character references from his housemaster. Goverrors' appeal next week. Does anyone else have a feeling for the severity of the penalty?

No one is attacking the op. Facts aren't rude. Son did something really really stupid and has a minor punishment. His life is unaffected which is really lucky. Fact is she should be grateful for what has not happened.

Case from 2018 has come up, someone did something stupid involving a train window while pissed. Not so lucky. Drunken stupidity kills, be grateful that it didn't.

@looptheloopinahulahoop you're right, no one is perfect.

BUT if my son endangered his life by being a stupid idiot while drunk I'd be right there with the school on the punishment.

I'm trying to teach my kids that actions have consequences and that mummy can't come and fix it every time.

OPs son has to take his punishment and learn his lesson.

He needs to learn that actions have consequences and that Mummy and Daddy can't make everything better when he fucks up. Accepting the punishment is the best thing you can do. If you try and get them to allow him back he'll be begging you to fix whatever other drunken mistakes he makes over the years.

Crossed posts with @Twizbe 😃

such as selling drugs to other pupils and setting fire to the chemistry labs

I'd be shocked if a student wasn't immediately expelled for the above.

I’m interested to know what punishment you think would be appropriate OP?

As for your sanctimonious comments about all this - anyone would think you'd never been young and/or done anything stupid yourselves. I don't believe it. I saw loads of teenagers getting drunk when I was at school
I can only speak for myself, but I drank underage and got drunk. I didn't climb up scaffolding on old buildings though.

Doing stupid things after a few drinks is falling into a hedge or kissing a friend, not scaling the scaffolding on an old building, putting my own life and potentially other people's lives in danger in the process.

And all your MNers - just wait until your perfect children do something stupid. I look forward to hearing about it on here because I repeat - nobody is perfect.
We made it to page 2 before the "but your perfect children" has been trotted out.

Another rich private school idiot who thinks they are above the rules because Mummy and Daddy have money?

Why is it so important to you to appeal? He behaved like a moron and is extremely lucky not to have been severely injured or worse; why do you want to condone this idiocy by not letting him take his punishment?
They clearly don't want him back on school premises again, and I can't blame them.

If climbing is involved I'm willing to bet it wasn't "just" drink

@looptheloopinahulahoop

MNers can you please STOP the personal attacks on the OP.

As for your sanctimonious comments about all this - anyone would think you'd never been young and/or done anything stupid yourselves. I don't believe it. I saw loads of teenagers getting drunk when I was at school.

How about providing support instead of personal attacks.

OP was this in school time or at a weekend? I'd be a bit concerned if he was drunk in school time but if it was outside school hours I couldn't get too worked up about it. Of course it was foolhardy and could have ended in serious injury or death. But it didn't. And it wasn't like doing drugs, as you rightly point out. In ds' school people got 2 weeks suspension for using drugs and permanent expulsion for pushing them. The only person the OP's son would have hurt here was himself.

And all your MNers - just wait until your perfect children do something stupid. I look forward to hearing about it on here because I repeat - nobody is perfect.

Yeah your quite right nobody is perfect but the issue isn’t what he did and berating the op for it as your right kids do daft things but these daft things have consequences and you need to learn by your mistakes take the punishment and move on not bloody appealing as that’s the wrong message to your dc.

I really don’t think that you will get anywhere by appealing but I can see why you want to.

Have you spoken to the school to plead alternative punishments?
Are the police involved?

As PP have said, 7 weeks is essentially a kinder expulsion given it’s almost the end of term. Whether it’s fair or not really depends on the level of punishment the school gives for other offences, which nobody on here will know.

When I was a boarder it was either 1 or 2 week suspensions or expulsion, nothing in between. Drinking heavily whilst underage would be 2 weeks, drugs or sex was expulsion.

What do you hope to gain by appealing? Is it the issue of what to do with him until the end of term or will they specify the length of suspension on references and you are concerned about the impact on his future?

He's an adult - he's 18.

If he thinks they were wrong then get him as an adult to deal with it.

If he's (apparently!) a mature enough adult to go to the pub then he certainly needs to deal with any fallout from his irresponsible drinking too much.

He's not the first adult who will have to do this and won't be the last!

But in all honestly I'd make him face it like the adult he is - and as a mum you can relax as he's likely done his stupid drunken night of stupidity earlier than some

Why do you want to appeal? If he’s finishing sixth form, then his school record isn’t going to matter, his exams/assessments are finished. Appealing for him to go back for a jolly with mates to end the school year seems a bit rich.

Ok so Dh was suspended from a boarding school for something similar, except not with the death defying scaffolding climb.

Ops son has been booted out till the end of term, just like DH was (albeit with only 2 weeks to go). Tbh that kind of twatty behaviour deserves being excluded till the end of the next semester anyway.

Op, it has made not a shit of difference to DH's career that he was excluded. He is still, 20 years on, mortified about it, absolutely mortified. Schools have a legal responsibility towards their pupils and if a pupil has demonstrated he can't be trusted they are right to boot them out. Your son was given a chance to do his exams online so it really, really doesn't make any difference if you appeal and he goes back for a few weeks. Unless you need the childcare which could be the crux of the matter. I would kindly suggest you leave it with your school and focus on making sure your son knows he could have been killed, in front of his mates. My DH's experience made him much more wary of drinking, which can't be a bad thing.

Never mind what school have had to do. What are you as his parent doing? What actions are you taking to support your son?

He is drinking and climbing scaffolding. Why? What is behind his actions? That is extreme behaviour. What are you now immediately putting in place to support your son?

Climbing scaffolding while drunk. Happy people do not take these extreme risks. Your son is unhappy.

"He was able to stay with family in the UK".

Where are you ? Your son climbed scaffolding while drunk and then stayed with family? Have you come to see your son? Where are you in all this?

So he is a boarder and the school don't want him on site due to his behaviour?

@OckRd

He was suspended just before he had to do the assessments for his Teacher Assessed Grades. He was able to stay with family in the UK and the school organised for him to do his assessments online. The ongoing provision of academic support is not really an issue for us in the appeal and he has no further exams or lessons.

Then what the hell are you appealing against?

As @AppleKatie said, he's done. They've been quite kind to him considering.

My last lecturing work was in a residential FE College and I too can confirm that what has been done has been something of a kindness. They don't want him back on site, many students are under 18 and they have to have zero tolerance. They have allowed him to complete all he needed to complete. He misses only the social side of things, year book, pictures etc. Tough!

Oh, and I assume that when you said the trip to the pub was authorised by his housemaster You had some intention of using this as part of your appeal? Forget it.

1. You will only cause trouble for a member of staff and ensure that no other 18 year olds are ever allowed a celebratory pint at the end of their course.

1. Make yourself look even more daft, no matter what you say about the quantity you are saying that your DS was 'sanctioned' and somehow couldn't help it

1. It will make no difference whatsoever to his suspension and that suspension will have no impact on his future.

Just ring them up and say that after further thought you are grateful for their forebearance and have no wish to cause any more ructions.

test

@LadyMargaretBeauforte

Excuse me?? Do you know this person? He is very happy and was out with the pub with some mates. Got too drunk and did something foolish, like literally every British teen has. Please don't make such rude assumptions about someone you don't know. The author of this text is seeking KIND, non-judgemental advice not rude comments like this one. Also, there's this thing called COVID and travel restrictions. Author lives abroad but son was safe and SUPPORTED by family. Now how about you go take care of yours :)

@KateTheEighth

School did a test. Just alcohol, but thanks for your input :)

Wow. What consequences do you consider appropriate then? Four weeks? A week? None? Your school is trying to teach your son consequences and the importance of personal responsibility. Let them.