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Original poster

Disagree with ILs about safety, am I OTT?

83 replies

theresarugonmyfloor · 06/06/2021 12:07

I would appreciate some unbiased opinions.

Once a week my DH takes my 2 and 5 year old sons to his parents. I sometimes go too, sometimes I stay home because it gives me a break (one child has ASD I'm his carer and I'm a sahm so I'm with them 24/7 excluding when the eldest is at school). His parents are not elderly, it's not childcare as DH is always there too and they love having them visit for the day. They get upset if we have to miss it for any reason.

When the eldest was small (2/3) I had to have a conversation with them because they kept letting him stand on a step and 'help' when making hot drinks. I hadn't realised I thought he was just putting a teabag and spoon of sugar in the cup then getting down, but I walked into the kitchen and saw him pouring milk in and stirring. He was closely supervised but I instantly said 'we don't let him near hot drinks, please don't let him do that, get down DS'. At the time they were a bit put out because they said they were careful etc but I was quite firm and said it wasn't to happen again. DH wasn't there, and I'd forgotten about it until now.

Anyway, yesterday DH sent me photos of them having fun there, including one of them both helping to make the hot drinks! He got home and I said that I've previously said I don't want them doing that, it's dangerous. He said they do it all the time, adults hold the cup etc and I said regardless it's boiling hot water, accidents happen even if you're careful and I don't want them doing it.

DH thinks I'm being OTT and his parents are upset that apparently I don't trust them to keep the children safe.

Am I being ridiculous? I mean, to me young children and hot drinks are just a complete no no. My youngest is 2! We still put cups of tea up out of reach, and no way would I let them do this at home.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
RubyFakeLips · 06/06/2021 13:14

I think you’re OTT. I like getting children involved in this sort of thing as means they are occupied instead of working around them and having to keep and eye at the same time. They aren’t going to suddenly pull the cup down onto themselves.

I would also let a child of this age help with cutting veg/fruit or stirring hot food. They enjoy it.

cheeseismydownfall · 06/06/2021 13:15

I think this is a borderline one - if VERY well supervised I don't think it is an utterly reckless thing to do, but equally I don't think it is OTT to take the position that it is an unnecessary risk to take. In the circumstances, for such a trivial activity in terms of benefit to the children, I think it would be reasonable to follow the policy of the more risk-adverse parent.

namechange30455 · 06/06/2021 13:15

But it's clearly not your ILs you disagree with. It's your partner. He was there yesterday and let them help. So they presumably thought it was fine as a parent had said it was ok.

It's him you need to talk to.

And fwiw I think you're being a bit OTT yes.

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DarcyLewis · 06/06/2021 13:17

I know of a child who had to have skin grafts when a cup of freshly made tea was spilled on them. For me this would be a no.

Even if they are closely supervised - show me an adult who has never ever spilled a hot drink?
No one is infallible, accidents happen.

Just not worth the risk IMO.

Abouttimemum · 06/06/2021 13:18

I would let my DS aged 2 do that under close supervision. He usually has a tiny one with me to be honest, with extra milk. He knows it’s hot and dangerous.

But by the by, you asked them not to do it and they aren’t listening to you and that’s the problem. I don’t like my Ds to have ridiculous adult sized snacks (think full jam donut for example) at my FIL but it still happens when i’m not there and it fucking infuriates me, so yeah you’re not being unreasonable.

AllOptionsAreOnTheTable · 06/06/2021 13:22

Your DH was there, surely any decision should be up to him at the time?

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 06/06/2021 13:33

I was one of those children who got burnt as a child still have some scaring. I was left unsupervised and the dog startled me. I also cut myself and burnt myself helping with food as a child. When it came to my own I made sure I supervised and also talked about safety so that away from the kettle they stayed away from hot drinks etc, as I also had a n accident with a cup on a table.

SarahAndQuack · 06/06/2021 13:36

Personally, I agree with you. I've let my DD use the hob since she was tiny and she can stir her own hot chocolate etc, but boiling water straight from a kettle is a bit much IMO.

I also think, in general, if one parent objects and will feel uncomfortable, on the whole you both go with it. There are a zillion things I don't let DD do because DP is more cautious than me; that's life.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 06/06/2021 13:40

I think you're being OTT, sorry. Under supervision and with an adult there holding the cup they'll be fine.

There are YouTube videos of kids that look 3 ish preparing food using huge, sharp knives and then cooking it over a fire!

Cocolapew · 06/06/2021 13:42

Why would anyone let a 2 year old hold a cup you're pouring boiling water into? One wobble on the step and it's all over them.

SarahAndQuack · 06/06/2021 13:46

@Cocolapew

Why would anyone let a 2 year old hold a cup you're pouring boiling water into? One wobble on the step and it's all over them.
Yep.

Children's skin is very thin, it burns really easily.

Notachanceinheaven · 06/06/2021 13:49

I wouldn't be happy with this, but my son was badly scalded with a boiling cup of tea whilst in the care of grandparents.

namechange30455 · 06/06/2021 13:49

@Cocolapew

Why would anyone let a 2 year old hold a cup you're pouring boiling water into? One wobble on the step and it's all over them.
Eh? The OP says an adult was holding the cup, and it doesn't say that the kid was stood right there while they poured the water.
SarahAndQuack · 06/06/2021 13:49

I also don't get the point of it?

I wouldn't pour boiling water into a cup my DP was holding either; nor would I expect making tea to be a two-person process because that sounds like a pretty obvious way to end up getting in the other person's way.

Whereas, children using sharp knives are at least learning something. They need to learn to do that safely.

BelleBlueBell · 06/06/2021 13:51

@DarcyLewis

I know of a child who had to have skin grafts when a cup of freshly made tea was spilled on them. For me this would be a no.

Even if they are closely supervised - show me an adult who has never ever spilled a hot drink?
No one is infallible, accidents happen.

Just not worth the risk IMO.

And I know a grandmother who knocked a cup of tea over her primary age grandson causing nasty burns

These are common accidents and as there is no need for young children to be making hot drinks there is zero downside to keeping the two well apart.

Iknowyouknow · 06/06/2021 13:54

I can’t see any reason why they need to ‘help’ make boiling hot drinks. It’s stupid. Why can’t they just make squash or something. Accidents can happen so easily I can’t see they want children anywhere near boiling water.

romdowa · 06/06/2021 13:55

I agree with you 100% my sibling ended up getting hot coffee spilled on his arm and was lucky not to need skin grafts. Spent months in bandages. All it takes is one slip or one mistake. My dad had gotten my brother into the habit of helping and one day while my mam was at home she made the coffee and left it on the side to grab the milk and my brother reached for the cup while her back was turned and spilled it all down his arm. Layers of his skin came off. It's not worth getting small children into the habit of touching boiling hot drinks.

Hsjdb7483939 · 06/06/2021 13:58

I wouldn’t let my 4 year old do that and definitely not when younger; I’ve taught her repeatedly to keep away from hot cups of tea and coffee as I’ve heard too many stories about burns and I feel that would contradict what I teach

Sunbelievable · 06/06/2021 14:01

Completely OTT

Children learn how to do things safely through practise. Your ILs sound incredibly sensible with it and I'd feel insulted if I were them too.

My opinion slightly swayed by watching Our Yorkshire Farm at the moment though 😁

DifferentHair · 06/06/2021 14:02

YANBU for two reasons:

  1. hot drinks and young children should be kept apart. For what possible reason would you want a small child around boiling water? Absolutely fucking stupid IMHO.

  2. whether or not others share your view regarding point 1 - you are the mother. You make the rules. You told them it's not ok for safety reasons and they don't get to ignore your view and insert their own.

If your ILS are otherwise nice and respectful people, I'd assume they forgot and I would raise it. 'Hi FIL, I saw DC were making drinks with you so I'm just reminding everyone that we don't allow DC around hot drinks. It's an important rule to me so i ask that we make it consistent wherever they are.' Or whatever.

Babymamma192 · 06/06/2021 14:06

I wouldn't let my 2 year old dd do it. I completely agree with you there is absolutely no need for your ds to be doing it and he could end up seriously burned!

Don't know anyone who would let a child do it tbh!! It's just asking for trouble imo and I would not be happy that they have gone against you and I would be going to theirs everytime ds went.

kowari · 06/06/2021 14:07

While they should follow your rules, I think as long as the two year old is not pouring boiling water or carrying a not boiling but hot enough to burn hot drink then the rest is fine. I think it's sensible to introduce them to risks, they can feel the heat of the mug, learn how to be careful and only help when an adult is there and so on. I think then they are less likely to knock over a hot drink that is kept of their reach 99% of the time, or touch the kettle unsupervised.

JM10 · 06/06/2021 14:08

I think you're being ott

VeryHungryCaterpillarYum · 06/06/2021 14:14

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but then I am very wary of children around hot liquids as my nephew was badly burned and scarred by a cup of tea as a baby.

KeepingTrack · 06/06/2021 14:18

OTT imo.

At that age, they can pour milk (which is cold), mix with a spoon etc...

I also think that if there was an issue, then it should. Be with your DH, not the ILs.
The dcs have done that with their grand parents AND THEIR FATHER’S APPROVAL.
If you are going to have a go at someone , it should be your DH. If you, together, decide it’s not safe, your DH should tell his parents, not you.

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