Being a bridesmaid with 3 week old newborn?!

[JoFranks01]

Hi, I need some advice!

My friend is getting married in August (postponed from last year) and it's 3 weeks after my due date. I'm due to be a bridesmaid but am FTM and as I get closer to my due date am starting to panic I won't be able to go. I know it's always been a possibility, could be late / c section etc.

Problem is I don't know how to talk to my friend about this all. She hasn't been the most enthusiastic about my pregnancy and knew my due date when wedding was rebooked. Obviously I want to be there, but how realistic is it? She's not once suggested to just see how I go or been understanding that I'll be a bleeding, leaking mess. If anything I've just been told stories of how others have magically been fine the next day 🙄 Planning on bf too, so baby will be with me. I think she just presumes I'll be there or has been burying her hand in the sand like me.

I don't like confrontations or awkward conversations like this, so anyone else been in the same boat and have some wise words for me?? Thanks

I would tell your friend you can't be her bridesmaid.

FWIW I've had 3 babies and I was that person who was "absolutely fine the next day" each time. Straightforward births and "easy" newborns and managed to go on holiday/attend weddings/do school runs etc a few days after each birth.

However, it's very difficult to be on someone else's schedule in the first few weeks after giving birth even if you are an experienced mum for whom the whole thing has gone as well as possible. Also, the role of a bridesmaid is to focus on and help the bride. That won't be possible for you because a newborn needs constant attention which will be very stressful for you (and actually impossible) and irritating for the bride, who does not sound like someone who would be very understanding tbh.

I think you will be glad if you take the pressure off and say no. If she's upset, well, not much you can do, it's just one of those things. A true friendship will survive it!

You need to tell her immediately right now. Don't wait until a few days before then suddenly say you can't come. That will be so much worse.
Personally I'd say no now.

You might be okay OP, my brothers wedding was booked for my due date, DS was born at 38 weeks and I was fine to go and be 'best man' on what would have been DS's due date.

I was a guest at a wedding 4 weeks after DD2 was born, we missed the entire ceremony due to the fact that we simply couldn't leave the house due to feeding/pooing/sicky baby.
(And I was pretty fine!)
Had a lovely time at the reception but didn't stay too long as I was ready for bed!

I was bridesmaid when my second was 6 weeks. It was hard going but worth it as a very close friend. I had to keep going to express milk. The biggest issue was getting the right size dress.
I also attended a wedding when he was less than 48 hours old. Very old friend and I went for the meal only so I could see and speak to her. Only stayed about 4 hours. However looking back I am not sure how I managed it! At the time it was really important to me to be there and there was no pressure from her at all. I went because I wanted to.
Don't feel pressured you have to do what is right for you. I would however have the conversation early.
Good luck.

The feeding will be the biggest obstacle (if your baby arrives in time...).

3 weeks is not long enough to have established even a vague anticipatable pattern, and you really wouldn’t be able to do the whole service with a howling newborn desperate for a feed.