Wwyd? Funeral a week after giving birth

[bec687]

I'm due for a planned c section next week, we have had a death in the family, and the funeral is the week after, the funeral is a hour away, would you go?

Depends on
How you feel after the birth physically
How close you were to the deceased
Whether anyone will be very hurt by your absence

I had this. DHs grandmother died the week after DS was born. Funeral was 90 minutes away. I didn’t go. Not only was I still recovering from the birth and trying to establish breastfeeding, I wasn’t particularly close to his grandmother. Is it a close family member? Would you regret not going? If not, then I wouldn’t. Especially after a csection

Depending on how close the family member was or how close you are to the primary mourners, I'd aim to try and go but I wouldn't beat myself up if it turned out to be impossible. After my c section, I was surprisingly mobile so as long as someone else was driving and I had help with DD, I could easily have managed a funeral. But I took DS to a birthday party, with DD in arms, at about that time and two women were completely shocked because they'd both still largely been stuck at home and in too much discomfort to go out.

I would hope that the extended family would understand that you'll try but might not be able to make it.

Sorry for your loss.

It depends how close the person is but honestly I wouldn’t...I don’t think I could of. Physical and also mentally.

Car journeys are super uncomfortable for a little while.

This situation is more about you, baby will be absolutely fine going.

I wouldn’t if it was an hour away tbh, I’ve had 3 c-sections and the odd half hour in the car was OK but any more than that was tough.

It's a uncle, I kinda feel if I don't go certain family members will complain, I debated going for the wake only but this will also be frowned upon. This is second section, and I'm bottle feeding. It's just a dilemma

No.

And no one should expect you to

I’d have been fine to go after my first and third c sections but struggled after my second and found it too painful after the fourth.

Considering numbers are likely to be limited, I’d probably say no now so someone else can have that space to go.

Almost certainly not.
If whoever it is that is arranging it felt it were imperative you were there, they need to postpone the funeral.
You will not only be a week post surgery (enough on it's own) but will also be fighting lack of sleep, and hormonal changes, and trying to wrangle a new born.

Can your partner go to represent you? I would hope people will be understanding though

I didn’t go to OHs Gran’s funeral, she sadly died two days after I had ds

I’m sorry for your loss

No. I couldn’t have managed this a week after my section.

There are a lot of variables. You could feel fine. You might not. With both my c section births I was in hospital for over a week afterwards.

I wouldn't have been able to sit in a car for that length of time, or sit through a funeral service.

Look at it this way, if a man were a week post surgery for something, no one would expect him to go.
C sections are literally the only major surgery that people seem to expect you to get up and do stuff after. Take the time you need to recover.
Sorry for your loss

I ended up in hospital for a week after mine so would say maybe..but probably not so they can offer place to someone else....

I didn’t go to an uncle’s funeral because it was a week before my due date. I definitely wouldn’t a week after a C section. I don’t know anyone who would expect you to.

No, you will have had major surgery. Get a doctor or midwife to confirm that you cannot sit in a car with a seatbelt on your wound for an hour each way. That will shut up the people who are complaining.
I am sorry for your loss and hope the section goes well

let them frown, it is a completely understandable reason for not being able to go

I couldn’t imagine doing this a week after a section.

If you don’t feel up to it just tell them you’ve got post surgery complications....you don’t have to expand. Or say the midwife has advised against a car journey of that length as you’re at a higher risk post surgery of a DVT.....you will likely be on clexane type injections or just finished.

It’s a big op a c section, you will be recovering and have a newborn and life will be overwhelming as it is. Don’t worry about what others will say/think, so what’s best for your family x

do

You don’t need to go into any of these complicated explanations, OP. “I’m not well enough to go” is plenty.

No, I wouldn't go. It would be unreasonable of anyone to expect it.

Is it being streamed? I would watch the feed.

I wouldn’t want to commit to this.

There’s too many variables. Things might go perfectly and you might feel well enough to travel, but you might not. I’d have struggled with this, I was in hospital for a week after my c-section.

Presumably numbers are limited at the moment, so it’s a bit tricker giving a maybe answer?