Page 2 | Wwyd? Funeral a week after giving birth

bec687 · 2021-06-04T11:11:36+00:00

I'm due for a planned c section next week, we have had a death in the family, and the funeral is the week after, the funeral is a hour away, would you go?

Original poster

bec687 · 04/06/2021 12:58

Thanks everyone, they are leaving a space for me anyway, with my first I had sepsis after a failed induction/ emcs and was in hospital for about 4 days after birth. I hate feeling pressured!

OP posts:

Mummy0220 · 04/06/2021 13:04

My Grandad passed away the week before I gave birth. His funeral was 5 days after birth, 40 mins away.

I went. I was really close to him, he brought me up for 5 yrs during my teen years and I would never forgive myself if I didn't go. If it had been someone that I wasn't close to I wouldn't have gone.

I think like others have said it depends on how close you were to your uncle. Forget what the rest of the family thinks, yours and your babies health is much more important then missing a funeral. You can always visit the grave in your own time to say goodbye.

CagneyNYPD · 04/06/2021 13:06

It would be a no from me. A week after a c section, you should be at home, resting and taking care of your baby. Your OH should be on paternity leave looking after you, older dc, the house, visitors etc.

It is very straight forward. You simply tell you family that due to the complications last time, your consultant and midwife have advised lots of rest for at least 10 days after the section this time. Job done.

Oldraver · 04/06/2021 13:09

Your family members are out of order fir frowning on you not going

SinkGirl · 04/06/2021 13:11

Please don’t feel pressured to go OP - it’s major surgery plus a newborn to look after.

My twins were in NICU so I was daily in a car, in uncomfortable chairs for many hours all day etc, and it was really difficult to recover. I made myself quite ill. So while I know physically a lot is possible a couple of days after a section, I would not recommend it if it’s at all avoidable.

I think only you can decide and nobody should be critical if you’re not physically able to do it.

Nightbear · 04/06/2021 13:13

With Covid ‘attending’ funerals digitally has become common and it sounds like it would be much more sensible for you and the baby to stay at home.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 04/06/2021 13:16

Id ask for the digital details to stream.

PASStheCAKEandCHOC · 04/06/2021 13:16

I would for any of my aunts and uncles.. Bar maybe 1 or 2 as not close.
But if I felt crap all my family Would understand

123sunshine · 04/06/2021 13:19

It depends on your character and whether you are someone that can just get on with things and how important the funeral is to you. in my experience 1st pregnancy long labour ended up in emergency c section, day 5 I got out of hospital and went to the shops for a couple of hours as just needed some me time. On day 10 I actually went to a wedding for several hours leaving my baby (baby hadn't taken to breastfeeding as had been poorly when born whole other story) I expressed milk and the baby was in the hands of a friend who was a special care baby nurse, more capable than I was as a first time mum! it was lovely being out and seeing friends. 2nd birth 15 months later by planned c section 48 hours later I walked up the road and sat at a kids birthday party for a couple of hours with new baby and 15 month old. I appreciate others may not have felt so confident about doing these things but its not a big drama. Yes I was uncomfortable at times, but you can't just sit on the sofa anyway (certainly if you have other children to look after) as any mum 2nd or 3rd time round would tell you.

Wallabyone · 04/06/2021 13:21

I wouldn't - do not feel bad if you don't want to x

itshappened · 04/06/2021 13:22

I went to the funeral of my parent a week after giving birth. It can be done, but I would only have done it for someone very important to me. Could you go just for the service?

Notaroadrunner · 04/06/2021 13:25

@bec687

It's a uncle, I kinda feel if I don't go certain family members will complain, I debated going for the wake only but this will also be frowned upon. This is second section, and I'm bottle feeding. It's just a dilemma

No I wouldn't go unless it was a parent or a sibling, so in your case stay at home and mind yourself. A week after a c-section is no time to be travelling to a funeral as you are in early stages of recovering from major surgery. If your relatives cannot understand that, sod them. Send your condolences in a card with another member of your family.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 04/06/2021 13:33

It's a no from me. My c-section was incredibly painful for weeks. It transpired I had a massive infection. It was unbearable in a car. I really had no idea how much I used my cord muscles just to sit in a car!

1n5piration · 04/06/2021 13:43

I kinda feel if I don't go certain family members will complain

So you would only go because your idiotic family members will complain rather than you were close to him and feel you should pay your respects?

In that case, no, I don't think you should go. You should rest at home.

EveningOverRooftops · 04/06/2021 13:45

Not to scare you OP but even planned sections can go awry. I was in hospital pre birth as I had a suspected clot and then an infection post birth requiring IV antibiotics and a transfusion. Even planned sections can require a transfusion and you can feel ropey for weeks because of the anemia.

You may be required to stay in longer. Baby may need monitoring or you may be really unlucky and have a super clingy baby wanting to feed constantly or have a screamer and be even more exhausted to fuckery or your older DC might be a total arse and the jealousy could hit like a ton of bricks for them.

There really is no way to be sure for these sorts of things so I’d politely decline and send flowers or whatever you think appropriate instead.

megletthesecond · 04/06/2021 13:46

No. An hour away is too far IME.

TheyIsMyFamily · 04/06/2021 13:47

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't feel bad about it either. Any family members should be relieved and happy you and baby are doing well, especially after a death in the family which should have put things into perspective, not put out that you couldn't recover in time.

im2sad · 04/06/2021 13:48

I did, 3 hours away on a train, left baby with DH. It was for my grandad who I was very close to, would only do it for a very close family member.

Nomorepies · 04/06/2021 13:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

cookiecreampie · 04/06/2021 13:51

No I wouldn't go. If it was local I would have said go if you're feeling up to it. I've had four sections and after about a week I've still been sore but been up doing stuff. But I wouldn't be up for travelling an hour away with a small baby.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/06/2021 13:51

plan for going, but do not feel obliged to go and decide on the day.

sorry to hear about your loss

Loubiemoo · 04/06/2021 13:56

@bec687

It's a uncle, I kinda feel if I don't go certain family members will complain, I debated going for the wake only but this will also be frowned upon. This is second section, and I'm bottle feeding. It's just a dilemma

Just tell them you can’t go on medical advice if they start.

Thesearmsofmine · 04/06/2021 13:56

Don’t feel pressured. My grandparent died when I was in hospital having my youngest and I didn’t go to the funeral, anyone who judges you for not being be there is an idiot and not worth your worry.

2bazookas · 04/06/2021 14:00

No. I'd excuse myself.

Everyone who matters will understand, and any who don't, don't matter.

BountyIsUnderrated · 04/06/2021 14:02

I wouldn't have gone after my normal vaginal birth let alone a c-section!
You will be very tired and probably not want to leave the house for the first few weeks, you can't walk very far for long the first couple weeks after having a baby either.
I would just say you are advised to rest after the operation.
Not to mention a crying newborn will likely disrupt the whole funeral.