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Original poster

Wwyd? Funeral a week after giving birth

75 replies

bec687 · 04/06/2021 12:11

I'm due for a planned c section next week, we have had a death in the family, and the funeral is the week after, the funeral is a hour away, would you go?

OP posts:
deathbypostitnote · 04/06/2021 14:03

I wouldn't.

SprayedWithDettol · 04/06/2021 14:11

People who are putting pressure on you don’t have your best interests at heart.

Sceptre86 · 04/06/2021 14:17

No,I've had 2 sections and I wouldn't have been physically up to it for a few weeks let alone after a week. Condolences and prayers can be offered from anywhere in the world you don't need to be physically present to show you care. Anyone offended doesn't deserve your time, it's not like you are going on holiday instead. Pregnant women need time to recover.

ChateauMargaux · 04/06/2021 14:41

Please don't feel like you need to minimise your birth, the facts that it's a second section and you will be bottle feeding do not negate the fact that birth is a huge event for you and your baby and that getting out of bed let alone leaving the house is a big deal in the first few weeks. You and your baby need to snuggle, bond, adjust to the world as well as recover from surgery. Don't put yourself under any pressure to do anything other than enjoy the love bubble of your new arrival.

Lots of others have made suggestions of what to say to relatives.

Original poster
bec687 · 04/06/2021 15:42

Thanks everyone! My plan is to see how birth goes, then make a decision.

OP posts:
1n5piration · 04/06/2021 15:43

Just re-read what you posted and struggling to see the reason you mention bottle feeding. Are you / they meaning you could leave the baby because you’re bottle feeding? Shock

Isababybel · 04/06/2021 16:04

I would have been physically incapable.
Nobody will expect you to go.
Is it being streamed online so you can pay your respects that way? Im not sure what the rules are now with covid and the numbers of attendees allowed now but i know it became a thing for them to be streamed online.

Roselilly36 · 04/06/2021 16:07

No, and no one should expect you too either. Good luck

muckypaws · 04/06/2021 16:21

No one will expect you to be at a funeral after major surgery.

MinnieMountain · 04/06/2021 17:29

I didn’t go to my grandfather’s funeral 3 weeks before my due date as I was massive and it was a 6 hour train journey.

Nobody in my family has ever said anything.

Cherrysoup · 04/06/2021 18:32

Ignore family pressure and see how you feel. This is a very personal situation and nobody has the right to push you to go.

MrsDThomas · 04/06/2021 20:32

My good friend and colleague died 2 days after i gave birth. I didnt go, i was physically well but emotionally not.

TurquoiseDragon · 04/06/2021 20:37

I wouldn't make a decision until after you've had your CS. You won't know how you'll feel, and it could be very different to how you felt after your first.

ItsReallyOnlyMe · 04/06/2021 20:41

Funerals usually have a Zoom link now.

That way you can 'attend' without the travelling - and dip out of you don't feel up to it.

Mrsjayy · 04/06/2021 20:44

What "they" say doesn't really matter you will have just had a major operation a new baby ,send flowers and condolences.

Notavegan · 04/06/2021 20:47

Not a chance for an uncle. I do like my uncle's btw.

Bobbybobbins · 04/06/2021 20:53

I missed my close colleague's funeral 3 days after my CS. Physically I could have hobbled through it but emotionally I was all over the place and would have had to have taken the baby which I didn't think was a good idea.

badg3r · 04/06/2021 21:00

I think you're bang on with your plan. Tell them you will try to, give yourself permission now not to go and mentally set your default to not going. It'll take off the stress from your side. Then at the time of you really want to you can and if you decide not to then just tell them you are still not recovered from the major abdominal surgery you had 168 hours previously and will he busy caring for your newborn...

It is bonkers that they are pressuring you. If you had had any other surgery I bet they would be leaving you in peace.

PigGondola · 04/06/2021 21:02

See how you feel, OP. I trekked across London on public transport with newborn DS a week after a CS for the funeral of a dear friend’s stillborn twins, but she really wanted me there. I felt dreadful afterwards, though.

Carandi · 04/06/2021 21:03

Is it a cremation? I'm a funeral arranger and most crematoria are still doing webcasts so that those who cannot attend can watch online. I'd personally find out if it's being streamed.

Workyticket · 04/06/2021 21:04

I wouldn't go. Assuming the uncle was as old as mine he'll have been from the era that women were in hospital for a week after birth.

It's only recently in my opinion that women in this country are expected to cary on as normal after abdominal surgery.

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/06/2021 21:07

A week after mine I could only have gone for very close family. Even then i would have suffered a great deal. I just don't think you can say until the day before.

CookieMonsterMunch · 04/06/2021 21:07

What @workyticket said. If anyone hassles you about not going ask them if they were even out of hospital at this stage. Back in those days the babies even went to a hospital nursery so mum could rest at night! They’ve not got your best interests at heart if they are pressurising you over this. If they need you there they should delay the funeral by 1-2 weeks

TentTalk · 04/06/2021 21:13

Yes I did. But my c section was a very easy recovery compared with my VB.

TentTalk · 04/06/2021 21:15

It was my gran, and wild horses couldn't have stopped me.

I appreciate it could be really different for others and I wouldn't judge anyone for not coming. People were surprised to see me (and baby).

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