If you don't live in a standard "normal" way, how do you live?

[curiositykilledthecatsplat]

Curious to know how people live if you don't live in "standard" way, how do you live? ie you live in a commune, you travel the world with your family etc etc

I often feel I don't have a conventional female life. I have been married for 25 years but no kids. I have a high powered job Monday to Friday in London, DH is retired, then we go to our cottage in the country every weekend and on holidays, in a tiny village. I have noticed that people attribute any setbacks or unhappiness I suffer to my 'choices' in life and often get the feeling they don't quite approve of me (in reality I didn't make big dramatic decisions, my life just evolved.) I do sometimes look at women who appear to fulfil the feminine ideal with a career and a brood of perfect kids and wonder if I have gone wrong somehow. But mostly I trundle along contentedly enough and just think I seem to have got on a different bus! Then again, is the template of wife, husband, detached 4 bed house, etc etc really the norm - or just a social stereotype? Among my family and friends I think more people don't live like that than do.

I'm coming back later to read this with wine

We are a boring family of 4 in a city Suberb with normal jobs and normal lives. I'm getting ever so invested in this thread!!

There's a chap who lives off grid in our local garden centre. He lives in a disused ambulance, they charge him next to nothing to have the pitch and he only uses a thimble full of elecky and water.

Does an amazing job of sharpening our tools - he's a real craftsman. He went backpacking round NZ before COVID struck - went out to where his children live. I am too conventional to do it myself but I love his adventurous spirit.

I know enough self declared odd balls and misfits through work and volunteering to give me a fix of wanderlust. I live vicariously through them!

Which mountain? I used to live in Fachwen opposite Snowdon.

Our DD who is her late forties still lives with us. Property in our area is beyond the reach of a single person on a normal wage. We all get along and we like having someone younger in the house.

What is standard ?????

@Spongebobfrillypants

Thank you so much for this thread. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading it & it has made me think that there is more to life than a 9-5 job & a weekend of telly watching on the sofa! I am 52 years old & soon the kids will be adults & hopefully making their own way in life. This thread has made me think that I can still have an adventure of my own - maybe I'll meet some of you in a few years time when I go on my backpacking expedition!

Perhaps we should cobble together a group to go backpacking together?!

I decided last year to move my family of 6 incl 4 children, 5 hours away from family and friends and a normal 9-5 life to live in a UK holiday destination.
Life now consists of surfing, walking, beach days. Feels like we live on holiday, lots of family time and we have constant visitors.
I don’t feel like I have a normal life anymore.

sometimesfraught Yes, i have a Husband a between the pair of us we have 6 Adult children.

Friends of mine - she's an architect and he has a building company - live on a canal boat. Raised two kids there. Inherited some money, decided to buy holiday property - you'd have thought something on dry land for a change. Nope - they got an abandoned lighthouse, the ground floor of which gets regularly flooded. They are very happy there and spend most of their holidays sailing. I have a strong suspicion they are half mermaids/mermen.

Wish my ex was wealthy I won't ever get anything off him for my daughter lol

As for myself - does living in a very multicultural family count? Celebrating both Easter, Jewish Passover and Nowruz (Persian New Year) in the spring. All with the same bunch of people?

I travelled working in my hectic early twenties and came back when I was 25 with a baby after a disastrous fling abroad. Everyone was horrified and thought my life was over. But I managed to get funding for a phd while working still working from home and got a tiny house far from everyone i knew. I travelled with my little one, took him to uni, and for weekends to stay with friends. I feel I have an alternative parenting journey/ style compared to other parents and sometimes feel looked down on. But I feel like I have a rewarding and comfortable, if hectic, life compared to many families.

I am now 30 and met my partner a year ago and we are soon to move in together. So I feel my life is about to become a bit more conventional :)

@DesertRoze

I’ve namechanged for this.

I arrived in the Middle East as the 18 year old bride of a gulf National many many moons ago and though my marriage ended after almost 40 years I’m still here. Not that we’re divorced but we are separated and I’m the one still living here in my husbands home country whilst he has gone on to pastures new.

It’s been so interesting and included stints living in the desert as well as on an island where I was the only European women for long periods of time.

My children also lived in out of the way places with us before we made their education a priority and settled down in the city.

I laugh when I see influencers on the likes of Instagram posting their pictures of places they think they’ve discovered and I can recall being there 40 odd years ago when it really was something to write about.

My youngest adult son is severely autistic and I live with him in a custom built house that caters for all of his needs as well as mine as a mum who is too old to look after him on her own nowadays and needs the help of a 2-1 round the clock team of carers. All of my children live very close by, minutes away, and we see a lot of each other. My husband almost killed us such was the pain of our family breakdown but we got back on our feet and we are doing absolutely grand.

I’ve recently been asked to write a book about my experiences but right now I can’t honestly be bothered. I’ve had a very serious health scare this year and I like getting up in the morning and pleasing myself apart from days I look after some of my grandchildren so their parents can work.

I also travel quite a bit and my next adventure is to inter rail through Europe alone as soon as it’s ok to do so. I didn’t have a gap year so I’m going to do at 64 what I could have done at 18 if circumstances had been different. Im not buying a back pack though, I’ll stick to a suitcase, but I will stay in hostels when available.

I’ve had the most interesting of lives and I’ve absolutely no regrets.

This sounds fascinating, I'd love to read about your experiences should you ever do decide to write about them. I'm sure some of those times were painful but I'm glad you're in a good place now.

After a 30-career in the NHS in London, now reclaiming a derelict farmhouse in the west of Ireland.

When I say reclaiming, I mean from the elements, not from people (we have bought it).

I softer surf at present but I’m trying to get a van I could live in

I sofa surf at the present but am hoping to get a van I could live in

@TropicalFairyCake

Pretty unusual to spend 8 weeks in winter abroad I'd have thought!

My ideal dream when I retire is to spend the winters in warmer climates. It would do my arthritis so much benefit!

I went around the world alone carrying only one tiny backpack (planned to take a massive backpack but ditched it last second). For part of it I flew around Southern Africa in light aircraft deciding each morning where I would go - jumped into a plane with only my tiny bag, chucked in the back and the pilot asked if that was it. We then took off straight away on a short runway. Never felt so free.

I live a conventional life now but as a child I grew up in extreme poverty in Africa. I was homeless from birth until 17 years old when I finished school. I slept in a tent for a few years but mostly in a shack made from metal scraps and bricks. I had to walk a mile to the nearest communal toilet/shower. I regularly only got one meal a day which was porridge more often than not. I didn’t own my 1st pair of shoes until I was 8 and they were donated by a church. The most unconventional thing about this all is I am white and white people didn’t live like this in the 80s in Africa. Although quite a few do now.

When I turned 18 my grandmother gave me her life’s savings which was about £500. It was enough to buy a one way ticket to London and pay for a visa. I arrived with £100 in my pocket and bag of tatty clothes not knowing a single person and never been on a train or plane before.

20 years later I have a 4 bed semi detached and a professional career with 3 spoilt children and a DH. I often have to pinch myself to realise this is my life now, my children will never go hungry or sleep on a street. I am very proud of how far I have come.

@nannykatherine

What is standard ?????

Well in U.K. for starters, it's standard to live in a house or flat, either mortgaged or rented. Living on a houseboat or in a park home is quite novel, not what the majority of people do. Living in a tent and wandering from place to place isn't standard. Not having a fixed abode, living on the streets, which is sometimes a choice rather than being inflicted isn't standard.

Anything the main population don't do tends to be a non-standard way of life.

Not sure if this qualifies. My father is a Wall Street corporate bank executive and my mother is a French actress. I was born in London and hold a British Passport but my naïve tongue from ages 4-14 was French and I still speak with a slight French accent.

Qualified as a Nurse/Midwife. Married at 22, had a baby 90 months later and then decided to work overseas, in numerous countries, taking baby with us. Returned to the UK five years later with two nippers.

My husband can fly a Jumbo Jet ( altho not many left now ) and my father bought me a 1958 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud for my 40th birthday. My 16 yr old daughter is completely ambidextrous and can write with both hands at the same time. I have a photographic memory. My husband has a working Spitfire engine in his garage/workshop and owns a double-decker London bus.

We had loads of kids and once they'd left home we found ourselves returning to the same place year after year on holiday, so often it really wasn't worth coming home. The cottage in which we stayed eventually became vacant and we were given first refusal to rent or buy it. We moved to a remote part of Scotland at 3 weeks notice after the death of one of our (adult) children, deciding you only live once.
We grow most of our own fruit and veg, shoot and are off grid. We are not self sufficient but we are about 60% there, it wasn't what we planned we just sort of evolved that way. Initially, I commuted 4.5 hours each way (doing 2 nights and staying over in between) for 8 months, it was hard but well worth it.
We used to travel a lot and now we have no desire at all to even leave home. We just love it here, we are loathe to go to any towns now and hate to leave our bit of loveliness. We are very lucky, we are monetarily poor but our only regret is that we didn't realise sooner how great it is to be richer in things other than money.
If you've every fancied a total change do it now; don't wait like we did. If u want it enough you can make it happen