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Original poster

Feeling a bit violated and annoyed at myself.

98 replies

dullhouse · 31/05/2021 17:49

I feel like a bloody idiot. I had a boyfriend during my teens - we were friends before and after - but we have not spoken in at least a decade ('dated' nearly 20 years ago).
He'd recently made a social media post about being an uncle for the first time etc. So I messaged to say congratulations, I was friendly with his sister in my teens too. A simple conversation about what are lives are like now, during this exchange he did make a few odd comments and asked if I was divorced, which I am not, and replied as such - happily married two kids etc.

Said he was off to the pub. The conversation ended there, I wasn't expecting any further contact, just a polite, normal exchange between two people who once knew each other.

Then late that night, I get a stream of 'the one that will always have my heart' messages followed by a dick pic.

I don't consider myself a prude, but I dated and married way before tinder and the equivalent, so have never actually experienced an unsolicited picture, but it has really bothered me. I just blocked straight away, but feel really stupid for having the conversation in the first place, and a bit violated opening my messages to that.
(I told DH and he was disgusted, especially as we're all a similar age, and not youngsters!)
I just wanted to vent about how it made me feel like an idiot and I don't really want to mention it to anyone in RL because it feels so juvenile. I know this post sound positively Pearl-clutchy and I'm prepared to be told to get over myself, but a looking at a middle aged mans penis over the bank holiday weekend wasn't what I had planned.
We'd had sausages on the barbecue for dinner as well Envy(not envy)

OP posts:
IndecentCakes · 01/06/2021 00:47

We need a thread - Women: do you literally ever want a man to send a dick pic?

JanuaryJonez · 01/06/2021 01:28

@noirchatsdeux Love this! I think my DH would have done the same!!

FictionalCharacter · 01/06/2021 03:11

He’s disgusting. Please don’t feel like an idiot or be annoyed with yourself. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

Gremlinsateit · 01/06/2021 04:43

Laughing so hard at economy sausages and picturesque todgers Grin

OP, you did the right thing to block. He wanted a reaction and you didn’t feed the troll.

Gremlinsateit · 01/06/2021 04:46

PS “picturesque todger” reminds me of the penis song from The Sweetest Thing, which might cheer you up after this distasteful experience?

tara66 · 01/06/2021 05:41

I thought it WAS illegal - i.e. ''indecent exposure''? So awful.

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2021 06:05

Christ that must have been quite disturbing op. More so that he’s grown up to be such a middle aged weirdo. He was probably quite drunk.

I don’t understand the dick pic thing either, it shows how many men have the desire to be a flasher, I don’t know any woman who wants an unsolicited dick pic from some guy she’s not involved with. It’s just friggen odd and disturbing.

Rangoon · 01/06/2021 06:31

My mother was in her late 70s when she was flashed. She reported it to the police. They asked her if she had said anything. Mum was very embarrassed and told the policeman that "the words had just slipped out". She eventually admitted she had told the flasher that "she had seen bigger earthworms". There was a significant pause before the policeman managed to choke out, "Well madam, that would have taken the wind out of his sails".

Lokdok · 01/06/2021 06:44

I’d have just replied ‘LOL’ blocked and forget about it.

MagentaDragon · 01/06/2021 08:39

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

Isn't it funny that when you remember things from your youth, you always remember them as being much bigger.
😂😂😂
Ozgirl75 · 01/06/2021 09:13

I sent a friendly email to a brother of a boy I used to date when I saw on Facebook that he’d had a new business. In fact I asked about the business as I thought we might be able to use them.
Anyway, his responses were full of innuendo and sexual suggestions even though it’s clear from Facebook that I’m married with young children - and so is he!
I have no idea where some men get the idea that this would be a successful endeavour. Gross, I blocked him immediately.

FrenchieFromGrease · 01/06/2021 10:09

@Ozgirl75

I sent a friendly email to a brother of a boy I used to date when I saw on Facebook that he’d had a new business. In fact I asked about the business as I thought we might be able to use them. Anyway, his responses were full of innuendo and sexual suggestions even though it’s clear from Facebook that I’m married with young children - and so is he! I have no idea where some men get the idea that this would be a successful endeavour. Gross, I blocked him immediately.
A previous poster had it right: these men would never bother being nice to a woman unless they wanted to shag her, so when a woman messages him he assumes she is clearly angling for a tumble. Imagine being so shallow and lacking in social skills? Confused
Newestname001 · 01/06/2021 10:19

@Ozgirl75

I sent a friendly email to a brother of a boy I used to date when I saw on Facebook that he’d had a new business. In fact I asked about the business as I thought we might be able to use them.

What a fool he is - he's not only alienated you, but lost out on potential business for himself. 🌹

Original poster
dullhouse · 01/06/2021 10:27

DH looked into it, due to flashing being in a public place and these images are usually made in private, it is not illegal. A reform to the communications act (2003) was looked at in 2020 but I don't think anything has happened, however 'digital flashing' has been illegal in Scotland since 2009? I think that's the 'Bluetooth your dick on a crowded train' though, rather than in a conversation.
Some of your responses have given me a good giggle! I don't feel annoyed at myself now, but I do feel angry about it - I'm going to try and report it to Facebook (as it was the messenger app) as I don't think he should be able to get away with it so freely. DH said he probably gets off on women's disgust or something Envy (not envy)

OP posts:
Ozgirl75 · 01/06/2021 11:00

@Newestname001 I know! And all presumably for some text based sexual contact as I don’t even live in the same country as him. What an absolute failure of a man.

MrDarcysMa · 01/06/2021 11:02

Same as flashing IMO. I'd be forwarding it on to his friends and family to teach him a lesson. He's lucky you don't go to the police.

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2021 11:44

DH said he probably gets off on women's disgust or something

I think that’s true foe stranger flashing. I don’t think it’s likely true in your context, I suspect in his deluded drunken head, given the context of his messages, he thought you’d love to see it, or he wanted to show you how much he fancied you. Sick as fuck and totally deluded but I doubt he was trying to disgust you.

angelcakebananabrain · 01/06/2021 12:27

How gross! I got sent my first ever dick pic last week - not unsolicited tho. I mean I didn’t specifically ask for it either but when he offered I thought why not. And the convo we were having was very much a sexual one.

But the idea of just having a normal convo and then suddenly being presented with that, that’s grim and I’d be upset. Find it bizarre how common is apparently is to be having a standard non-sexual convo with a man and then suddenly be presented with a dick pic! Why!!!

Staffy1 · 01/06/2021 19:52

@Rangoon

My mother was in her late 70s when she was flashed. She reported it to the police. They asked her if she had said anything. Mum was very embarrassed and told the policeman that "the words had just slipped out". She eventually admitted she had told the flasher that "she had seen bigger earthworms". There was a significant pause before the policeman managed to choke out, "Well madam, that would have taken the wind out of his sails".
This gave me a good laugh, thank you!
MaidEdithofAragon · 01/06/2021 19:55

You aren't being silly at all. That's bloody gross and rude when you were just making polite and courteous conversation. He's taken advantage of you being pleasant and kind and is a vile sexist arse.

leprintemps · 01/06/2021 20:01

I had this from an ex about ten years ago. He'd found me on Facebook and was becoming increasingly stalker-ish in his liking and commenting on everything I posted. I blocked him immediately. How these men think that women find this appealing is a mystery to me.

CharlieParley · 01/06/2021 20:03

I have been told by women who are OLD that there is one purpose for which the unsolicited dick pic is ideally suited - to weed those idiots out as unsuitable candidates before they waste any time on them.

TheresNothingIWantMore · 01/06/2021 20:16

Just a word of warning - if you un-block someone on Facebook you can't reblock for a certain amount of time. I can't remember for sure but I think it's 24 hours.

(not necessarily aimed at OP, reading the responses I Dont think she'll unblock just a general warning as some others had suggested it!)

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