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Original poster

Feeling a bit violated and annoyed at myself.

98 replies

dullhouse · 31/05/2021 17:49

I feel like a bloody idiot. I had a boyfriend during my teens - we were friends before and after - but we have not spoken in at least a decade ('dated' nearly 20 years ago).
He'd recently made a social media post about being an uncle for the first time etc. So I messaged to say congratulations, I was friendly with his sister in my teens too. A simple conversation about what are lives are like now, during this exchange he did make a few odd comments and asked if I was divorced, which I am not, and replied as such - happily married two kids etc.

Said he was off to the pub. The conversation ended there, I wasn't expecting any further contact, just a polite, normal exchange between two people who once knew each other.

Then late that night, I get a stream of 'the one that will always have my heart' messages followed by a dick pic.

I don't consider myself a prude, but I dated and married way before tinder and the equivalent, so have never actually experienced an unsolicited picture, but it has really bothered me. I just blocked straight away, but feel really stupid for having the conversation in the first place, and a bit violated opening my messages to that.
(I told DH and he was disgusted, especially as we're all a similar age, and not youngsters!)
I just wanted to vent about how it made me feel like an idiot and I don't really want to mention it to anyone in RL because it feels so juvenile. I know this post sound positively Pearl-clutchy and I'm prepared to be told to get over myself, but a looking at a middle aged mans penis over the bank holiday weekend wasn't what I had planned.
We'd had sausages on the barbecue for dinner as well (not envy)

OP posts:

mangoontoast · 31/05/2021 19:21

You are definitely not being a prude or overreacting. I did online dating for a while and got many dick pics (and videos of them wanking). They never failed to disgust me. I cannot understand why men do this. Surely it always fails? I have asked men and they've said things like "some women like it". I really don't believe that's true...

Topia · 31/05/2021 19:33

Why do men do this? It’s not attractive to see a pair of purple plums & an economy sausage pop up on your phone. FFS these people must have egos the size of the universe. Why on earth would it seem like a good idea to take & send photos of your genitals to someone you like? How primal is that?

TheBullfinch · 31/05/2021 19:34

I had this when I joined Facebook.

All the creepy men from my school, married with kids sending all sorts of pictures and messages and wanting to 'catch up.' Put me right off.

Structuredsward · 31/05/2021 19:36

My sister had this happen to her and she replied "yes you are indeed a dick" and blocked him.

Bebeschitt · 31/05/2021 19:38

Well, you are obviously going to leave your DH immediately and run into his arms, aren't you?
What a dick. In more ways than one. What must go through their minds?
I had a similar interaction but luckily no dick pic. Vile.

ScrollingLeaves · 31/05/2021 19:44

What a shock for you, and now you’ll never look back on your previous relationship with him 20 years ago in the same way again. I bet it almost seems to have tainted your past.

I am really sorry this happened. It’s not something you can get out of your mind easily either. 💐

AnyFucker · 31/05/2021 19:50

“That looks like a penis but smaller”

I don’t blame you for feeling awful, op. Who are these fucking idiots that think they are God’s Gift to Women? The delusion is immense.

CheesyCheddar17 · 31/05/2021 20:00

I wouldn't consider this "pearl-clutching" at all. A man who used to be your friend lulled you into a false sense of security after you took the time to reach out to him. You told him you were a happily married mother, and yet he still thought his bait & tackle was important enough to send to you, without any warning or consent?

He took advantage of your kindness to stroke his own ego. No wonder you feel violated.

FrenchieFromGrease · 31/05/2021 20:09

@mangoontoast

My theory about the 'some women like it' is that men are catfished by other men on dating sites. The other men pretend to be a woman and ask Original Man to send dick pics. Original man thinks women like dick pics but it was never a woman. My brother does OLD and told me that some women do ask for dick pics. When I asked him if he'd ever met any of those dick pic requesting women in real life, or spoken to them on the phone he said no... So I'm convinced it's just other men adding to their dick photo collection.

Why isn't sending unsolicited dick pics illegal? It's like flashing. The police would only have to prosecute a few people before men started seeking permission. It would be easy to prove with screenshots and would stop this harassment dead.

billy1966 · 31/05/2021 20:14

That is really shocking.
I must be a prude too, because I honestly cannot understand this whole idea that some men have that all women want to see their appendages.
🤢🙄

Sunbird24 · 31/05/2021 20:21

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

Isn't it funny that when you remember things from your youth, you always remember them as being much bigger.

Usually we’re talking about Wagon Wheels when we say this though…

You’re not being a prude to feel violated OP, nobody wants to see that.

BobbleToggle · 31/05/2021 20:25

YADNBU OP. That is disgusting and violating. I agree with the poster who says it should be made illegal with a few high profile prosecutions.

noodlezoodle · 31/05/2021 20:35

"pair of purple plums & an economy sausage"

Don't be annoyed with yourself OP, you didn't invite it, it's seriously grim and I hope he's ashamed of himself.

I've never understood why men do this either and the catfishing theory is intriguing...

IHateCoronavirus · 31/05/2021 20:44

Totally grim I don’t know any woman who would find this a turn on. I know quite a few men who would though!

Original poster

dullhouse · 31/05/2021 20:46

Thank you all, you have really made me feel better.
I have actually been flashed, in my twenties, by a trench coat and bobble hatted man (it was winter) I don't remember feeling quite as awful about it, maybe because I was able to report it?
My DH wanted to report it, it turns out it's not really illegal... he did suggest sending it to his family, but I'd rather just forget about it.

OP posts:

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 31/05/2021 20:49

Dick pics are modern day flashing. It’s not something to trivialise. I’m sorry for what happened to you OP, it’s never acceptable. You’re right to feel violated because it was a violation.

Honeyroar · 31/05/2021 20:54

I wish you said “I’m not interested in your heart or your revolting picture and I’ve remembered why I haven’t had any contact with you for over a decade. 🤮” before blocking him.

Sunbird24 · 31/05/2021 20:54

There was even a spate of men sending dick pics to random women’s phones if they were in a public place and able to pair devices via Bluetooth, it’s one of the reasons I keep my Bluetooth off all the time now!

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 31/05/2021 20:58

My colleague got dick-pic’d on the Tube on the way into work at about 8am a couple of years ago (before Covid). She was looking round the carriage wondering which of the men it was. Beyond creepy. I wish there was a way of reporting this kind of thing because men who don’t have these basic boundaries will be likely to go on to other things.

OhRene · 31/05/2021 21:04

I remember when flashing used to be illegal.......

Dick pics are the same yet it's just one of those things now? Disgusting. I'd send it to his mother

pinkpapaya · 31/05/2021 21:25

Yuck! I actually had a guy pull his penis out in front of me telling me he wanted f me 'this much'. I did a faux pearl clutch and said at the top of my voice 'Good God! The last time I saw anything like that, it was coming out of a chicken's body cavity in a plastic bag!'

Everyone around roared with laughter and the offender slinked off with his economy size cocktail sausage even more shrivelled and unimpressive than before.

Seriously! Where do these men get off?!

HmmmmmmInteresting · 31/05/2021 21:29

Yuck, dick pics are the new flashers from when I was a kid. You should have said 'It looks like a penis, only smaller?' then blocked him. Surely unsolicited pics like that should be some sort of crime.

You did make me laugh talking about sausages on your BBQ though

HmmmmmmInteresting · 31/05/2021 21:31

Hadn't rtft but I can see others agree with me about it being like flashing. I wonder if there is a law against it.

LittleCatDog · 31/05/2021 21:33

So disgusting, it happened to me nearly 10 years ago and I was really upset. Totally out of the blue, I felt really violated by it. Been flashed too and that was awful no one seemed to think it was a big deal at the time and told me to laugh it off

Nitpickpicnic · 31/05/2021 21:38

I’d have prolly sent back a close-up pic of my sausages on the bbq with ‘I like mine better- and I actually requested these.’ I’d be tempted to include DH and tongs too, so he knew we’d had a good laugh.

I acknowledge I’m not easily shocked by juvenile behaviour, and I try hard to brush things like this off. I don’t want to give it brainspace and be forced to replay the pic in my mind endlessly (by creating neural pathways).

He was drunk, he’s a saddo and probably doomed to be very lonely. Rise above and shake it off. He doesn’t deserve the attention you’ve given this.

Side note: I’d be amazed if any straight woman ever craved or appreciated one of these pics. I suppose some must, but there’s no todger so picturesque and no lover so compelling that I’d see it as positive. It’s just so toddler-like, showing off your willy like it’s special.

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