Am I being a holiday snob?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Looking to book a cottage/apartmenr (uk) for a weeks break at some point over the summer. There are, thankfully; still places to choose from. We have two DC 7 and 10.

Dh keeps sending me links to places that just dont look comfortable at all. He is a fan of a particular holiday let website that only ever seems to upload one or two pics of each place, and 100% of the properties on there look like they've not had so much as a lick of paint or a new mattress since the 1940s.

I honestly am not a snob. But I feel like I'm being made out to be one when it comes to these places.

They are all off the beaten track, no beaches near or attractions to visit near.

They (in the main) do cost less than going to more touristy areas but what's the point in saving 100/200 if there is literally nothing to do?

2019 he chose somewhere off this site that was similar to all the other ones - shabby and v v old, location was truly awful, I did the whole "it will be what we make of it" and we both found the trip so crap that we did the same (one) attraction with the kids twice in one week, and left a day early. It was so disappointing.

I just think the ages they are I would like

1. To see more of the place I'm staying, not 1/2 pics
2. To have days out available (kids at an age where they are ready to do a theme park, or failing that good beaches)
3. I'd like the place to look and feel comfortable. We spend evenings in the property as our kids crash out by 8pm. I want it to be at least as comfy as sitting on my sofa at home!

I think you and your DH need to have a list of non-negotiable criteria e.g.

• dishwasher, washing machine
• children's activities within x distance
• within 2 hour drive of your home (or whatever)
• supermarket within x miles

I also think you need to decide on area or areas first ... it's overwhelming otherwise

This year has been a difficult year for holiday accommodation. So many people's bookings were rescheduled from last year that there's been less accommodation to chose from plus some companies / people have grossly inflated prices because there's demand and I'm not prepared to pay £300-£400 per night for average accommodation. So I've booked something that I wouldn't normally - not my taste in style or decor but it has got other things going for it e.g. beach and playpark in walking distance.

A London city break wouldn't feel like a holiday to him but a grim industrial estate beside a nuclear power plant does?

Sorry OP, but it does he understand what a holiday is? In your place I'd be considering paying hackers to take down the website of hellish holiday lets to cut him off at the source.

Is he doing the thing where you do it badly so you’re not asked to contribute again? Hoping his suggestions are so shit you’ll take on the planning so he can just sit back and not deal with it?

@FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack

A London city break wouldn't feel like a holiday to him but a grim industrial estate beside a nuclear power plant does?

Sorry OP, but it does he understand what a holiday is? In your place I'd be considering paying hackers to take down the website of hellish holiday lets to cut him off at the source.

We only book properties nicer than our home unless it’s Butlins or similar for the activities. My dh doesn’t care where I book though he has never planned a single holiday.

YANBU, it’s why I always book our holiday accommodation abroad and UK. DP does not ‘see things’ like I do.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

The place we left early, the only beach worth visiting (ie not grey swamp river bed edge) was underneath a nuclear power plant. It was like an scene from A Series of Unfortunate Events.

And the only day out was a farm park (we have two identical ones near our house).

Walks were pretty much a no go as the cottage was in the middle of a run down industrial estate (small run of tiny cottages in the middle most of which had scrap vehicles parked around them).

We managed a drive into the nearest town thinking at least there would be a playpark - swings had been cut down).

I'm sure it wasn't remotely funny at the time, but you do write about it in such a funny way....maybe you could monetise your suffering by pitching tgis as a series of newspaper articles on 'shit holidays my husband has organised'

Have you talked about what your joint concept of a holiday is?

What was good/bad about where you stayed last time. What is your minimum list for when you are booking somewhere?

We are more hotel people but have a list that goes something along the lines of parking, wi-fi, central location, air con (depending on location), some sort of feature that makes it look nicer than our house - if none of these we'd rather stay in the Premier Inn as it's cheap and reliable.

Main criteria this year turned out to be No Shepherd's Huts

Your DH's fav website looks like it hasn't been updated since 2005.

On another forum I was once berated for complaining that a relatively expensive, 3 bed seaside property (so bound to be mostly booked by families with children) had nothing but a washing line for drying beach towels. And this was U.K. seaside, not Hot Abroad.
I was being VU to expect at least a heated airer. Didn’t I know that ‘making do’ was part of the fun? 🤬

Take control! I hated this when kids were younger so I took full control over where, what and when. Gave him rough dates to book as leave, a couple of options I was considering, thanked him for comments then booked what I wanted. Now he just gets the dates and there has never been a issue. He does occasionally suggest a country but that’s it 😂

I don’t think it’s snobby tbh. It’s just about choice and preference. Some people who can very much afford to go to upmarket places, will choose to go to these shabby, out in the wild places, just because it ticks all their boxes as to what they want from a holiday.

Look at N Somerset, not as popular (so cheaper) but ticks your boxes, Bristol has loads for kids to do, Weston super mare has a great beach and kids activities, cheddar is interesting (not sure if caves have reopened). Airbnb's in my town aren't too expensive because we don't have a great beach but otherwise it's got everything you need including lido, rock pools, boating lake, marina they can go crabbing in etc

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

The place we left early, the only beach worth visiting (ie not grey swamp river bed edge) was underneath a nuclear power plant. It was like an scene from A Series of Unfortunate Events.

And the only day out was a farm park (we have two identical ones near our house).

Walks were pretty much a no go as the cottage was in the middle of a run down industrial estate (small run of tiny cottages in the middle most of which had scrap vehicles parked around them).

We managed a drive into the nearest town thinking at least there would be a playpark - swings had been cut down).

Good grief, did your husband learn nothing from that experience?

So stop focusing on these crap cottages he's suggesting and divert attention to something better.

Come up with a list of criteria and tell him you don't want to see anything that doesn't meet those.

The thing that takes time and effort when searching for holiday cottages, is checking cottages against your criteria. Though that's easier if those are simple and you have one or two areas in mind. It's easy to do a quick search and say 'what about this, what about that?' without bothering to check the number of bedrooms / layout / proximity to important facilities. That approach relies upon someone else doing the time-consuming work of checking everything.

Sounds a bit like he's hoping you'll step in and do all the tedious, time-consuming work.

We'd agree with your dh. Choose something cheap and in an area we want and that's used for sleeping and a base. We do like to have WiFi (teens), but other than that it doesn't matter that much. The money we save on the place means we can eat out a couple of times extra which we all like and is less stressful on us.

Although last summer we stayed at Pontins. I can thoroughly recommend it if you like listening to other people's music at a high volume from around 8am to 2am every day. We did see security one night when there was a report of a fight in one of the other apartments, and one of the security lights had gone wrong and was flashing constantly straight through the thin curtains. We told them about this three times over the week. I'd like to bet it's still going.
However it was extremely cheap, so we literally slept there, went out, ate out and came back late. It would have been a bit of a nightmare with young children though.
And it had the advantage that, despite being teens, they suddenly became ever so thankful for our parenting having observed others there.

No, it's not snobbish to have preferences.

I personally like the sort of out of the way places your husband is choosing, and I don't care at all if the accommodation is shabby and basic - as long as it's reasonably clean.

But different people want different things from a holiday and that's fine - it just means when you are a couple you need to find a compromise - whether that's finding accommodation that falls at the midpoint between your preferences, or taking turns to have the holiday of your choice.

@Kokosrieksts

Why don’t you book something this year for a change? I wouldn’t want to stay in places that I don’t actually like or find comfortable.

This. Just tell him his options look crap and you’re using you’re well deserved holiday to stay somewhere less comfortable than your home. Plus after the less than successful location of last years holiday, you think this years would be best left to you.

• you’re NOT using

The DH isn't even doing cheap and in an area the OP wants though is he?

He's just chucking out random places with no thought of the location at all. And there's cheap and cheap because it's disgusting.

We've done the 'it's only a base' but even then there is a minimum standard.

Can I have the link to the “ crap lets” site ?
Sounds like my thing ….. though I do want a decent mattress it’s true.
Old stuff. Dated decor and middle of no where all tick boxes for me and the dog !

I like a place to be very clean but because we spend most of the day and evening out, old fashioned decor wouldn't massively bother me.

Not being near things to do is a deal-breaker for me though.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

The place we left early, the only beach worth visiting (ie not grey swamp river bed edge) was underneath a nuclear power plant. It was like an scene from A Series of Unfortunate Events.

And the only day out was a farm park (we have two identical ones near our house).

Walks were pretty much a no go as the cottage was in the middle of a run down industrial estate (small run of tiny cottages in the middle most of which had scrap vehicles parked around them).

We managed a drive into the nearest town thinking at least there would be a playpark - swings had been cut down).

Oh, OP! I'm sorry, but the way you describe it, it's really funny!

I learned from my mistake of booking a first holiday with baby DS that I really had to do my research and compare loads of different places if we wanted an enjoyable holiday. That first one was awful, literally flea-infested carpets in an old chalet. Awful. Like a prison camp. We came home early then too. I wish I'd have looked harder as we could have gone somewhere so much nicer for a 100 quid cheaper.

What I've learned is that you do have to book well ahead as the nicest places are taken early by regulars or by people like me who are fussy about location/dishwasher/parking etc. Especially this year there is now not a lot left to choose from if you want to go away this summer. I booked our cottage a few months back when the government made it obvious there would be minimal foreign travelling again this summer. There were quite a few dates to choose from then but within the week it was fully booked up for the whole summer (term time included).

I'd never let DH take charge of booking somewhere as there's a danger he would book the first thing he saw without even looking at all the pictures, and would just skim read the description. He trusts my judgement though and is happy for me to do the legwork of research. Now and again he'll have a look himself and has found a couple of good ones but generally it's an unspoken agreement that I will do the research and arrange our holidays.

If he's anything like my DH he'll just just have chosen the first thing he sees (or the cheapest). As others have suggested Airbnb is a really good shout for comfy, unique places to stay and at least you have all the reviews of previous guests.

@Helenluvsrob

Can I have the link to the “ crap lets” site ? Sounds like my thing ….. though I do want a decent mattress it’s true. Old stuff. Dated decor and middle of no where all tick boxes for me and the dog !

Its upthread:

Www.cottageguide.co.uk

The website looks like an antiquated Microsoft Pages site of the type that were popular 20 yrs ago. Its not a booking platform, just a listings site.
Many of the "owner's website"s look to be the same format as if they are subpages.

I'd probably assume that owners using it prioritise cost over quality . Always an incentive when booking a holiday...

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I'd go for the London option. I think it will be quiet this summer because families decamping to the countryside and few foreign tourists. We did a houseswap when DS was quite young to Chiswick and there is so much stuff to do in London with a young family - Kew Gardens, Diana playpark, transport museum and if you have a car a day out to Legoland. I was blown away at how good a holiday it was and this year is the time to do it.