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Original poster

Not told his family?

63 replies

Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 16:19

I’ve been seeing someone exclusively since the start of the year. This weekend we went to stay somewhere around 10 miles from his parents. He wanted to see them during the trip and said when he went over he was going to tell them about us.

Over the last few weeks I have started to query why he hadn’t already told them. He said he didn’t want to tell them on the phone, that this was a big deal to him and he hasn’t had a partner in many years. I accepted this - there doesn’t seem to be anything else to it, not married etc.

Anyway. He’s been to see them today. Just go back. Absolutely no mention that he’s told them. Do I ask? Does it matter? It’s making me feel really upset but maybe I’m being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 16:22

*just got back

OP posts:
Muddydoor · 30/05/2021 16:24

I would wonder if he has another relationship. Or if he was worried they would get embarrassing photos out. Speak to him. What kind of relationship are you planning to have with him?

Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 16:25

@Muddydoor he hasn’t. I’m as certain as can be about that.

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Relationship problems
PurpleDaisies · 30/05/2021 16:26

He doesn’t sound like he’s serious about you. Why else wouldn’t he have told them?

Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 16:28

@PurpleDaisies I don’t know. It is making me really upset. He’s got back and now suggesting a board game?!

I don’t want to be the person who is asking their partner stuff like this. I’ve never been like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 16:30

I just don’t know whether to ask him. And if I do and he says he hasn’t, what do I do? Leave him over it? That would seem dramatic. I’m so upset by it though.

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 30/05/2021 16:30

Don’t let it fester. Just say something light like “soooo what did your parents think to your news about having a girlfriend, you haven’t mentioned it so were they totally horrified?”

His reaction / facial expression will tell you everything you need to know

MimiSunshine · 30/05/2021 16:31

Meant to include. Make it sound jokey and laugh but carefully watch his face

TheCanyon · 30/05/2021 16:33

Oh just ask him. Our of interest, why didn't he invite you?

KarmaNoMore · 30/05/2021 16:33

He may be defending his privacy as some parents get over involved or it may be that he doesn’t consider the relationship serious enough yet for an introduction.

MimiSunshine · 30/05/2021 16:35

@Fanalanel

I just don’t know whether to ask him. And if I do and he says he hasn’t, what do I do? Leave him over it? That would seem dramatic. I’m so upset by it though.
Maybe not leave straight away but have a serious talk about why he hasnt and how you feel. Don’t let this be the start of how the relationship progresses, where you sit in silence hoping and waiting for him to progress it
Andylion · 30/05/2021 16:42

He said he didn’t want to tell them on the phone, that this was a big deal to him and he hasn’t had a partner in many years.

Maybe this has something to do with it. He might be concerned that they will make a big deal over him finally being in a relationship. He could be embarrassed by this fact.

Andylion · 30/05/2021 16:43

Mean to add, but yes, ask him f he has told them. If he hasn't, this is a good time for a discussion. He

Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 16:43

I’m scared to ask now as I made such a big deal out of it recently.

OP posts:
ICanSmellSummerComing · 30/05/2021 16:45

Op just ask, get it over and dive with now.

Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 16:46

How shall I phrase it?!

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PurpleDaisies · 30/05/2021 16:47

@Fanalanel

How shall I phrase it?!
“Were your parents surprised when you told them we’d been dating since the new year? How did they react?”
Worriesome · 30/05/2021 16:50

Go ahead and ask him, a healthy relationship is based on trust and honestly. It’s okay to be direct and you should be comfortable to ask him about anything that makes you feel a certain way x

Worriesome · 30/05/2021 16:50

honesty

Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 16:52

He hasn’t told them

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Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 16:53

And is now sitting here in silence after he answered. I’ve said nothing.

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MissMaple82 · 30/05/2021 16:55

I dint have a great relationship with my parents and would struggle to tell them I'm in a relationship after years on my own also. Not everyone has the same abilities to communicate easily with their family. Just ask him if he's told them.

KM38 · 30/05/2021 17:03

@Fanalanel Maybe his family have a history of getting over involved? What age are you both? My parents got far too involved in my brothers and my sisters relationships when we were growing up. Always giving their opinions about everything (partly both siblings faults for over sharing).
I just don’t need that in my life. My parents didn’t know about a single one of my boyfriends until I met my now DH. I met him while I was at uni in a city 40 minutes from home. We lived together for over 2 years before my parents knew anything about him 🤷🏻‍♀️ They never visited me so it was never an issue and I didn’t feel the need to share that I was in a relationship 😅
I still don’t discuss my relationship with them at all.

Kinsters · 30/05/2021 17:12

It is a bit weird. Not mentioning you on the phone is one thing and kind of understandable but what did he tell his parents he was doing in the area? At least he didn't lie to you about not telling them...

Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 17:14

I’m in tears. Feel like such a dick. He’s just said he wanted to catch up generally this time. That was his reason apparently for not mentioning it.

I’m so fucking insignificant that I don’t come under a general catch up.

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