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Original poster

Not told his family?

63 replies

Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 16:19

I’ve been seeing someone exclusively since the start of the year. This weekend we went to stay somewhere around 10 miles from his parents. He wanted to see them during the trip and said when he went over he was going to tell them about us.

Over the last few weeks I have started to query why he hadn’t already told them. He said he didn’t want to tell them on the phone, that this was a big deal to him and he hasn’t had a partner in many years. I accepted this - there doesn’t seem to be anything else to it, not married etc.

Anyway. He’s been to see them today. Just go back. Absolutely no mention that he’s told them. Do I ask? Does it matter? It’s making me feel really upset but maybe I’m being unreasonable?

OP posts:
katy1213 · 30/05/2021 18:15

Maybe his parents are weird and he thinks you'd make a run for it if you met them?
Also, since the start of the year isn't that long - I wouldn't be expecting introductions after just a few months. Especially if he thinks they'll get over-excited and read too much into it.

wishingitwasfriday · 30/05/2021 18:18

5 months is a long time to be exclusive without family being told. It really isn't a big deal to say "I'm seeing someone and I really like her". I'd run to be honest, he either needs to tell them and introduce you or tell you why he won't.

fallfallfall · 30/05/2021 18:31

I’m one of those crazy over involved mothers. Youngest DS didn’t tell me of his relationship for over a year. Rightfully so, I fell in love with the lovely young woman right away and went directly into wedding planning mode.
If your partner is 40, I suspect the pressure is on.

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CandyLeBonBon · 30/05/2021 18:58

@fallfallfall

I’m one of those crazy over involved mothers. Youngest DS didn’t tell me of his relationship for over a year. Rightfully so, I fell in love with the lovely young woman right away and went directly into wedding planning mode. If your partner is 40, I suspect the pressure is on.
Why? That sounds suffocating?
newnortherner111 · 30/05/2021 19:03

@fallfallfall you are not alone in this. My sister when in her early twenties discovered a boyfriend's mother like that.

However, I do sense something that the OPs boyfriend is hiding.

Redwinestillfine · 30/05/2021 19:54

He sees you as casual. I would start treating him the same way. Keep your options open and if someone else asks you out, well then.....

ShinyBlackBoots · 30/05/2021 20:14

@fallfallfall

I’m one of those crazy over involved mothers. Youngest DS didn’t tell me of his relationship for over a year. Rightfully so, I fell in love with the lovely young woman right away and went directly into wedding planning mode. If your partner is 40, I suspect the pressure is on.
Good grief! Why?

Do you have no self awareness?? Confused

KarmaNoMore · 30/05/2021 20:32

Oh gawd, don’t fall on Fallfallfall so heavily, it happens. My mother is the same, the mums of two of my exes were too. You may be like that when your children are older, you have no way to know until you get there Grin

Having said that, I avoided to introduce anyone to my mother unless I was 300% sure the relationship was strong, that way I was strong enough to deal with my mum’s disappointment about my choices or her over enthusiastic response.

My partner and I have been together for three years, I have not introduced him to my family yet but mostly due to Covid restrictions and the need of multiple flights. I also dread what my mother is going to come with to offend him, offend me or offend us both. I know DP is not happy about this but then... he has not met my mum...

CandyLeBonBon · 30/05/2021 21:08

@KarmaNoMore

Oh gawd, don’t fall on Fallfallfall so heavily, it happens. My mother is the same, the mums of two of my exes were too. You may be like that when your children are older, you have no way to know until you get there Grin

Having said that, I avoided to introduce anyone to my mother unless I was 300% sure the relationship was strong, that way I was strong enough to deal with my mum’s disappointment about my choices or her over enthusiastic response.

My partner and I have been together for three years, I have not introduced him to my family yet but mostly due to Covid restrictions and the need of multiple flights. I also dread what my mother is going to come with to offend him, offend me or offend us both. I know DP is not happy about this but then... he has not met my mum...

I have no intention of being so suffocating that my children feel they have to hide a relationship from me for a year.

And I've said to them that if I show ANY signs of being that way, they are to have stern words with me.

Of course you can help it. It's a choice to behave like that.

ShinyBlackBoots · 30/05/2021 21:11

@KarmaNoMore

Oh gawd, don’t fall on Fallfallfall so heavily, it happens. My mother is the same, the mums of two of my exes were too. You may be like that when your children are older, you have no way to know until you get there Grin

Having said that, I avoided to introduce anyone to my mother unless I was 300% sure the relationship was strong, that way I was strong enough to deal with my mum’s disappointment about my choices or her over enthusiastic response.

My partner and I have been together for three years, I have not introduced him to my family yet but mostly due to Covid restrictions and the need of multiple flights. I also dread what my mother is going to come with to offend him, offend me or offend us both. I know DP is not happy about this but then... he has not met my mum...

My children are older - well one of them is at least. I'm certainly not falling in love with his girlfriends or wanting to plan weddings! Confused
fallfallfall · 30/05/2021 23:36

I’ve got wide shoulders, I’m pretty self aware at the age of 63. My plannings are for the most part kept to myself and a few close friends. But I suspect my two unwed children see right through me.

RAOK · 31/05/2021 00:18

I would be so upset that he didn’t take you let alone not tell them about you. It would make me question everything.

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/06/2021 19:31

How are you OP?

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