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Original poster

Not told his family?

63 replies

Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 16:19

I’ve been seeing someone exclusively since the start of the year. This weekend we went to stay somewhere around 10 miles from his parents. He wanted to see them during the trip and said when he went over he was going to tell them about us.

Over the last few weeks I have started to query why he hadn’t already told them. He said he didn’t want to tell them on the phone, that this was a big deal to him and he hasn’t had a partner in many years. I accepted this - there doesn’t seem to be anything else to it, not married etc.

Anyway. He’s been to see them today. Just go back. Absolutely no mention that he’s told them. Do I ask? Does it matter? It’s making me feel really upset but maybe I’m being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 17:18

I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do now?

He’s saying let’s go for a walk and go into town and get a cab. There’s a horrible atmosphere between us. How can he not see that this is hurtful?! How can he want to just carry on the evening as usual.

OP posts:
MootMoot · 30/05/2021 17:21

It's only been 5 months or so? I don't think he's being entirely unreasonable.

Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 17:21

Yeah @MootMoot maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m being full on. He’s 40 though so I feel like it’s really weird. I don’t know.

OP posts:

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MadMadMadamMim · 30/05/2021 17:24

I'd not be in tears and I'd be civil and politely neutral for the rest of the weekend.

And then I'd not bother see him again once I got home. He's clearly not that invested in the relationship and I'd be ending it now.

Aprilwasverywet · 30/05/2021 17:24

I was a bit miffed a year in and I hadn't met dh's dm. Realised it had been me he had been protecting.. She was a conniving cow. We went nc even before we got married.. Don't be so quick to assume it is you he is ashamed of..

joystir59 · 30/05/2021 17:25

I think it's time to have a blazing tow personally. Both barrels.

joystir59 · 30/05/2021 17:25

Row obvs!

CandyLeBonBon · 30/05/2021 17:27

Yeah I'd feel a bit put out. What's his relationship like with them - do you know?

Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 17:35

He’s really close to them.

I just don’t get it? I asked if he’s ashamed of me and he says ‘oh my god no of course not I want to take you out tonight ‘

He’s so nice usually. I don’t get this.

OP posts:
Twizbe · 30/05/2021 17:35

Why the hell can't a 40 year old man tell his parents he has a girlfriend?

Are you from a different culture or religion?

Either way I'd be dumping him. This does not bode well for the future

Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 17:36

I know @Twizbe it feels shit.

OP posts:
WilsonMilson · 30/05/2021 17:37

It’s a bit weird that you didn’t go with him, but it’s certainly very weird that he seems resistant to telling them.

Either he has a very odd relationship with his folks, or he doesn’t see this as a long term thing.

WilsonMilson · 30/05/2021 17:38

Also, fuck that. I’d have it out with him and find out what is going on. Why waste your time if this is how it’s going to be?

Original poster
Fanalanel · 30/05/2021 17:39

@WilsonMilson it’s not his family. His family are nice from what I can tell.

He definitely doesn’t give the impression that this isn’t what he wanted for the long term. But who the fuck knows. Men have screwed me over many times before.

OP posts:
KenAddams · 30/05/2021 17:41

This has just happened to my best friend if ur name starts with a L u might just be.... He's seeing someone else!!

Haffdonga · 30/05/2021 17:43

Suggest popping over tomorrow morning to meet them.

Judge by his reaction whether he's really not ashamed.

AlternativePerspective · 30/05/2021 17:44

I would end it personally.

If you and him were that close he would have told you if there was a significant reason why he hadn’t told them about you.

He clearly doesn’t see this as a long term relationship hence why he hasn’t mentioned you to them.

I wouldn’t bring it up again. Assuming you came in one car I would wait until the end of the weekend and then I would end it.

Susannahmoody · 30/05/2021 17:45

So you didn't get invited to go see them? Wtaf. I'd be outta there, op.

unfortunateevents · 30/05/2021 17:46

Have you at least met any of his friends? Personally I think it's bad enough that he didn't tell them but he must also have actively lied to his family about what he was doing in the area - unless they think he has a habit of going away on his own!

itwa · 30/05/2021 17:51

Just ask him why he didn't tell them?

ChicChaos · 30/05/2021 18:01

How often do you see him, OP?

crimsonlake · 30/05/2021 18:05

So you were both visiting a location close to his parent's and he went to visit them on your own. I would be more worried about the fact he did this rather than bring up the fact he was in a relationship with you.
Seems basically that you are not a priority in his life, sorry.

MyOtherProfile · 30/05/2021 18:09

Oh dear. Sorry to hear that.

MyOtherProfile · 30/05/2021 18:09

What do they think he's doing nearby then?

HilaryBriss · 30/05/2021 18:15

So you were on a weekend away amd he left you on your own so that he could go and visit his parents? I wouldn't be happy about that for starters.

What did he say to his parents, how did he explain being in the area?