How many close friends do you have?

[boompah]

Not including family.

I have two. I feel that's low. Have other friends but not close close.

1. Both men. No really close female friends

@midsomermurderess

These threads pop up frequently and I find them quite sad. Not sad when people say they have few or none, but that either they don't do anything to change their situation, or find an acceptance of it, struggle with feeling that their lives are not normative.

I posted that I have no close friends last night, and have been thinking about it since. I am not sad about this. Maybe because I have gone without a close friend for so long (all my adult years maybe?) but I actually find it hard to envisage how that sort of relationship works when you also have a dp/dh. My dh is my best friend, the person who knows everything about me, the one I would turn to in trouble. (Though I find the concept of a friend who would help you bury a body a complete anathema - surely people don't commit crimes for friendship's sake). I am not sure what my marriage would look like if there was an outside friend who I was closer to than my husband.

What does make me sad is the lack of a social life, the casual friendships, someone to go shopping with, or invite round for dinner. I do have friends like that, but they are not local.

I have quite a lot, somehow.

My best friend at infant school - still friends 45 years later!
The wife of DH's best friend - first met her at my wedding 19 years ago and we instantly just clicked. She's more like a sister than a friend. Our families holiday together every year.
My bridesmaid and DD1's godmother - been best friends for nearly 30 years (she was the cousin of an ex).
My closest confidante - met at work over 20 years ago, and totally bonded over a love of reading & books.
My School Gate Mates - the 4 ladies I met 14 years ago, when all our DDs became friends at school. We meet up most weeks for coffee or lunch or shopping, and I love them to bits. Even better, our DHs bonded over a shared love of golf. So, for years we have all holidayed together too.
Various people from school/university that I'm still occasionally in contact with, via FB and social media.

@suggestionsplease1

I've nurtured multiple friendships over the years.. some have been from childhood, some teens, university and from different origins over adult life.

So I've got quite a few but although I'd be saddened to lose any of them I'm not dependent on any of them...and I think nurturing so many connections would make it easier to withstand the loss of one or two.

It also makes friendships less intense, reducing pressure and making them more likely to stand the test of time.

I'm also more likely to be the one that makes effort and that doesn't bother me. And I'm not offended if someone doesn't have time etc as I recognize everyone has their own things going on.

So maybe someone else wouldn't call those friendships close, but actually they all really have been at times that have mattered for either of us in it.

Friendship is incredibly important to me, but I'm pretty diversified!

This 100% ^

I often read threads like this on MN. Sometimes about people asking 'how to make a friend'. Sometimes 'I haven't got a best friend'. Often (as part of other threads) where people are talking about "ending the friendship / going no contact / cutting them off completely" etc etc. They often make me think that is why you don't have friends.
It is very 'pressured' to have one single intense friendship. I think SuggestionsPlease has got it spot on here.

Am quite concerned how many people measure their friendship depth by whether they would help them bury a body though

Four. But two live in other countries now. And I have many cousins to whom I am very close who are like really good friends.

Life is too busy and too short for fostering lots of “close” relationships.

See I find that so odd, my life literally revolves around my close relationships with friends. I just love them and love being around them, life without close people is just unimaginable to me.

1. Unless I count my husband, then 1.

I have loads and loads of friends though, just none I would consider close.

That seems really sad written down.

2 locally and one at the other end of the country. And another local one who is heading towards close friend territory.
The local ones are all single. The far away one was single for a long while and her partner isn't great. I wonder if married people have different friendship dynamics that don't suit me!

I have three close friends, one of whom lives in Australia! I have been let down by people in the past who I trusted and thought were close, but found they were not the friends I thought they were.

I have a really tight group of four girl friends, we go right back to school and everything since.
I also have a group of good guy friends from an old workplace, probably five or six that I would consider truly close friends.
Three who live on the other side of the planet, but we work to stay in touch and remain close.
One close friend who’s a bit more like a little sister at 9 years younger than me, we ride together.
I’d probably also class three of my husbands friends wives/girlfriends as close friends too.

Two who I completely trust and would tell anything to. They’ve been my two best friends and confidants since secondary school. A couple more who aren’t quite “help me bury this body” friends, but that I am close to.

3

@HaNNaHC92

0. Prior to having my three children (3yrs, 21m and 2 weeks old) I had two close friends. They both shit on me. I have no idea why I always seem to pick the wrong people to be friends with. I give my absolute all in friendships but never seem to get the same back. For that reason I've gotten use to my own company and not relied on friends. Then the obvious of having three children very close together so I'm far too preoccupied and happy with them.

Same here. Had several good friends years ago, but having a large family has meant no time for others outside of my family bubble. Life is very busy.

I don't mind to be honest. I thought it might trouble me but it doesn't. Haven't much free time to dwell 🤷

@Dumbledoresgirl

None. I have been let down over the years and no longer try to get close to people. My husband is my closest friend.

I have been let down too so it's just easier as time went on to keep myself to myself.

...

1 at a push. I feel like I've tried really hard to make friends with mums at school as my DD started reception but I think for whatever reason I'm one of those people that everyone will tell you is nice but when they are inviting people out or doing stuff I'm quite forgettable.

I have some social anxiety so I find it quite hard to be the one to make plans, I'm supposed to be inviting my DDs best friend over but I overthink things every time I want to send the mum a message

1. But they're all separate which makes me sad sometimes. Always envied those close girl friendship groups

No one I could really trust with a secret.
I have long term colleagues I would be closer to in ways than neighbours etc.
No one I fully trust in life. Been hurt a lot.
One best friend was truly spiteful when I finally got married and had dc. I already had the career. She really turned on me. Another friend is still single and I don't have much in common with her (I probably bore her)
I get on better with men than women usually.

Sadly I have none. I didn’t realise that until a big life change hit. It’s been a very difficult to handle revelation

None, but ave made peace with it. Cant be dealing with fake people in my life.

Each time I have had a close friend every one of them has eventually shat on me from a very great height including one who stole personal items from my bedroom when she and her H and kids stayed one weekend.

One texted me during a very bad time in my life, saying she couldn't be bothered to wait for me to invite her to my new home, and needed to make new friends.

One used me for money and took advantage of my generosity, always pleading poverty, while spending hundreds on household furniture and beauty treatments.

That is why I no longer have close friends.

This thread is really sad.

3 best friends since 11 (now 32/33) but im closer to one of them out of the group.
2 more recent close friends but talk to pretty much daily.

None, but ave made peace with it. Cant be dealing with fake people in my life

Me too