Oh god.. another terrible bedtime

[LittleBridge]

I’ve just lost it (again) with DS10. He’s knackered, but just won’t bloody settle down. He usually needs 10 hrs of sleep or so but he wakes early around 6 most mornings so I try to get him into bed for 8, and then we either read together or he has some time to read by himself. Lights out by 8.45 usually, 8.30 sometimes. Trouble is he just resists it. It’s infuriating (to me) and I also find it difficult to switch off until I know he’s asleep. I think he’s always slightly sleep deprived. I’ve always done a good bedtime routine with him, right from when he was tiny, but he just won’t/can’t switch off. Gets up, messes about in his room, turns his light back on when I’ve gone downstairs, reads, will try to come downstairs to say he can’t sleep, wants today good night to the cat, needs water etc etc etc. I’ve explained he’s not missing anything.

I’m exhausted with it, night after night, and feel so trapped and depressed by it as it feels like I get no time to myself (single parent).

What can I do? I’ve tried everything (well it feels that way) - praising good bedtimes (at age 10?? Is this normal? ), cutting screen time, shouting . Tonight I just lost it really and this obviously makes me feel much worse. Sad and upset for both of us. It’s having a negative impact on our relationship.

Should add he’s normally awake at 6am and has a pretty full on day. We don’t get home from the childminder until 6 on some days, others he plays sport etc. He’s tired, but seems to have a huge problem with unwinding to go to sleep.

I have got round this by telling DC - in bedroom from 8.30pm, do what you want in there, go to sleep whenever you like as long as you're in your room. It's worked for us but I'm guessing you've probably tried that. In which case I have no advice but I do feel your pain - esp as a single parent.

Have you tried letting him listen to audiobooks? Helps me wind down and relaxes me enough to fall asleep. Might stop the constant getting up/fiddling around.

Also lavender oil is extremely soporific.

Would pocket money be an incentive that might work?

Thanks for your replies.

whybirdwhy maybe I need to try that. I guess that’s the next level up as I’d be worried he’d just mess about for hours, then come downstairs anyway But maybe I need to give it a go.

humphreycobblers we used to, when he was little. He’s very easily stimulated though - can be hyper - so I stopped doing it, as he’d just listen to them over and over!

Bed for 8 is way too early for his age , my son was going at 9 at that age

Can you lay with him while he goes to sleep?

8pm?

At 10yo my children have extra curricular sports and clubs that start at 8pm. He will be missing out on so much his peers are doing.

Is it worth trialling going to bed at the same time as him so that when he gets up, he sees that literally nothing more exciting is happening?! Then if it works, you can gradually phase it out!

Other than that I would try:

• lying down with him til he falls asleep
• white noise/sleep stories (Calm app)
• bath before bed
• no screens after 6pm

Um that's it, I'm sorry 😳 best of luck though, it's miserable...

I'd be pushing bedtime back to later if he's not settling. I have a sleep refuser/insomniac child of 10. We have agreed that bedtime is 9 at the latest. Once in their room as long as they're quiet, it doesn't matter what time they go to sleep. Getting up at a set time is non-negotiable though.
Books are allowed, quiet CD.
No tv in the room, no screens/games.

bucklestimeshare noooo, surely I don’t have to do that! God. I think that would finish me off. Joking aside, that would just seem such a backward step - although I get that desperation makes you try anything.

coldwine75 I have wondered that. But he’s up so bloody early, at 6 most mornings. And often he seems completely knackered. His behaviour nosedives when he’s tired, so I really notice. I’ve tried doing the later bedtime thing, at a various ages, but he still gets up at the same time.

His light is never out at 8, it’s usually 8.45 and often he’s not asleep until after 9 anyway. Last night he was messing about until after 10

@FATEdestiny

8pm?

At 10yo my children have extra curricular sports and clubs that start at 8pm. He will be missing out on so much his peers are doing.

What a load of rubbish!

It's just at 10 my son was doing Cubs and scouts so we didn't get in till 9 to 9.30 some days. I'd say bedtime 9 to 9.30 ?

Assuming he has no additional needs, WTF are you putting a 10 year old to bed?

He sounds like he is morning chronotype. You aren't going to change that by trying to make him go to sleep earlier. Just leave him be. No screens in the bedroom, but he can read etc till he's sleepy.

My ten year old is in bed reading at 8pm, normally light goes out between 8.30 and 9, has to be up for school at 6.30. So I dont think your bedtimes are off in my opinion. To stop messing around at bedtimes I have to admit we resorted to a bribe of sorts - she gets a magazine on a Saturday if she has stayed in her room every evening for the week.

Genuinely interested in how others put their 10yr olds to bed. I usually go upstairs with him, sometimes chat while he brushes his teeth or he’ll have a shower then I come up when he’s in bed, but we usually read some of whatever book he’s reading. Depending on the time, he’ll either read some more himself or it’ll be good night:lights out.

Maybe I need to adapt things

Thanks namechange34, that’s good to know.

My 5 year old goes to bed around 8pm and wakes around 7:30. Sounds like it's all a bit early OP

I'd say 8PM a 5 to 6 year olds bedtime

When mine were 10 I sent them up to clean teeth and get sorted, then I'd pop in and say goodnight, sometimes we would read a few lines each of a book then I'd leave them to read for 10 mins and lights out by 10

It’s hard to say about the bedtime. I’ve canvassed opinion amongst various parents and so much seems to depend on the child, what time they get up, what type of sleeper they are (or not), how full on a day they have etc etc etc.

As I say, he’s upstairs by 8 but lights out 8.45ish, often more towards 9. That seems late enough with a 6am start?

WTF @worriedandannoyed? No need to be so rude.

My now 11yo has tonight been swimming training 8pm-9pm. Home for about 9.20pm. He's been doing it for more than 2 years.

Scouts (boys aged 10) runs 7.30-9pm. Guides (which my DD was attending when she was 10) 8pm-9.30pm.

Now sure why you think my childrens actual real life is "rubbish"?

My 11 year old DD goes off to bed about 9.30 she gives us a hug and kiss and off she goes. She has a shower every other day. She doesn’t want reading to anymore but if your DS enjoys that I would still be doing it. I do miss the reading time.
I get you need some down time but maybe push it back to bed at 8.45 read for half an hour.
Then leave him to it.

We had this for a little while. I now don't force bedtime until 9pm and asleep for 9.30. He goes off so much quicker. He feels like he is winning. He still gets up early but he just falls asleep much quicker. It's torture not being able to sleep straight away. It was making my son worse faffing around trying to stay up late or just struggling to settle. This way he is sooo ready for bed! Sometimes he is asleep by 9.10! But he knows he has until 9.30 so he lets himself nod off as it's his choice if that makes sense. Goodluck. It's horrible not having an evening. We had it for so long where it would get to 10.30/11 some nights but he'd been in bed since 8 so was overthinking and keeping himself wired.

I'm not sure what this means? Why would she not be putting him to bed at some point? He's ten not 28 ffs. They don't just start living like adults when they reach double figures you know.