Different conversation styles at table.

[Wallywobbles]

Ok so as a bilingual family we are DH and his 2 kids. Me and my 2 kids. All kids are teens. My family conversation style is chatty, loud, multiple conversations happening. My side are more bilingual than his (so DH might tune out if we are taliking in my mother tongue) but there's not much in it apart from attitude.

DH family conversation style is long to get started, no interruptions, questions or chipping in. So monologues basically. If there's a conversation going on he won't have a separate one.

He is always interrupted, often by me. And then just stops talking. Currently he is just sitting at meals in silence.

His kids can do both styles. Mine can't and really not can I. A monologue is not a conversation.

For the 7 years we've been together it's been an issue. And I just don't know how to make it better. Can anyone verbalize what it's like being DH? So I understand it better. The psychologist said we should treat him like he's slow. But he's not. And after 9 months of going we never managed to really improve this.

@3Britnee maybe it isn't obvious from my first post but I was actually asking for help for me, not to change him. He's lovely.

However I only get an hour or so with the kids a day, and that's over supper and I do want to talk to them too.

Exactly JaninaDuszejko

For those that think it is rude, what would you do if you went out as work colleagues, or old University or school friends, or friends from a hobby ? Would you honestly all sit there and take turns to listen to each person in turn deliver a speech, or would you all be chatting about wherever the conversation leads you ? By definition, conversation is an (at least) two way thing.

My DH is much the same OP. He is less tolerant of having his monologues interrupted and will tell me to stop being rude. My family is loud and all over the place however a lot of us are on the ADHD spectrum so that might be part of it. My DH's brain works in a linear logical way and he has to start at A, go through B and come out at C. if he get interrupted at B it completely ruins his train of thought.
I have no solution for you but it might be that when DH is speaking you try harder to concentrate on just him - but he has to realise that you can't do this for an entire meal. I like what daspepe had to say on it.

@3Britnee
Of course it’s just the dinner but it’s important to people in different ways, including catching up with everyone at the end of the day.
So I was advising OP, because she has asked for advice but I Did also consider looking at and adapting to the husbands point of view.

My example of extroverts/introverts- though badly linked, was included because it was so helpful to me for grasping how different people perceive the concepts and the world around them. I had genuine rage when people would talk “without thinking” until a clear example allowed me to understand that this is how they think.this understanding completely removed my rage but it was also gave me an insight into how much our differences can stretch.

So I think introspection and understanding how you perceive the concepts and that others might perceive them differently is the key to some (not all) of the solutions.

The understanding of our differences might not always fix / change how we are: that’s how we are after all! But it does remove some of the stress and anger when these differences clash. And that can really help.