Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DH not home

71 replies

MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 02:01

Hi
Looking for some advice as starting to really worry now. DH went to the pub to watch football at 2pm yesterday with some friends. Rang about 6.30 to say he would be home soon and we would order a takeaway. Text again at 9pm apologising and saying that he was setting off. The pub is max 15 mins away on foot.
He is still not home. Messages are no longer delivering to him and calls straight to voicemail (assuming battery has run out). I've messaged the two friends he was with and their partners and have had no response.
I've just woken up with my 2yo crying and now I'm really starting to worry. I don't want to over react and call the police but not sure what else to do. I'm at work at 8am in the morning and he is looking after our son. Any advice or hand holding appreciated thank you

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 23/05/2021 02:03

Shit, do you have anyone who can step in and look after DS? Even if he deigns to return home, he's going to be in no fit state...

Sorry this is happening, OP. I've had it happen to me and it's a nightmare.

Susannahmoody · 23/05/2021 02:05

Sorry5if this is super obvious, and I'm sure you've checked etc, but are you sure he's not passed out in the spare room /garden or something?

Original poster
MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 02:07

Yes I know I can call my parents but if he is not home I don't think I'll be able to go to work as my job requires a high level of concentration and with him missing my mind will just be elsewhere. I've text my mum already to ask her to call me so hoping she does as soon as she wakes up.
DH has been known in the past to stay out late and enjoy a night out. But never if I'm at work and he would generally always message me to let me know what is going on.
Feeling sick but I'm not sure if that is worry, morning sickness or the fact it is 2am!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 02:08

No I have just been downstairs to look he is definitely not there or the spare room. Our garden is covered in cameras (burgled a few years ago) and none of them have been triggered. I've even opened the front door to have a look!

OP posts:
mynameisbrian · 23/05/2021 02:08

Sounds like he is still out with his mates. My OH was terrible for going out and not thinking to text to say he was having a late one. I would be left anxious and worrying. I hope it isn’t anything more serious

FetchezLaVache · 23/05/2021 02:13

I'm sure he's fine, just got carried away with being able to have a drink and watch the footie with his friends for the first time in however long, especially as he has form! Hope your mum gets your text in time and that you manage to get some sleep...

Original poster
MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 02:14

Thanks @mynameisbrian me too. I'm wide awake just going over things in my head. He has done this before but not since our younger days! I am wondering if this is because he hasn't been out for months due to covid (not excusing him) I hope it is something like that anyway.
I'd love to go back to sleep but I'm far too worried now my mind is in overdrive
I'm sure he is at a friends house or something but I can't help but worry.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 02:16

Thank you all for the company at this ungodly hour. My 2yo has just woken up again so he is in bed with me now for company

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 23/05/2021 02:24

Another one who thinks he is fine but what is he thinking!!

You are due at work tomorrow, you are pregnant, you have a toddler and he told you he was on his way home twice. This is really not ok behaviour.

If he’d said I’d really like a big night out you could have planned accordingly and you would not be unable to sleep stressing
He owes you big time.

Spartak · 23/05/2021 02:26

Is it worth calling the partners of the friends he was with to see if they have come home? I wouldn't mind being disturbed under the circumstances

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 23/05/2021 02:27

Hand hold here. Hope he’s just daft and passed out at a Mates house.

Can you use find my phone? Apple ID and password needed?

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 23/05/2021 02:28

I also wouldn’t mind Being woken in these circumstances

GrimDamnFanjo · 23/05/2021 02:30

I'd be calling friends, checking social media etc

Marty13 · 23/05/2021 02:32

He most likely had to much to drink and his mates too. Might have passed out at one of theirs. He most likely is fine. Hand hold here.

Original poster
MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 02:36

Nothing on social media. Even checking local news and nothing. I've tried calling the pub I know he was at but they are obviously closed now.
If he is not home by the morning then I will call my parents and go round to the houses of the friends he was with. One of them is single so no partner to ring. The other I do have her number and have text but don't feel comfortable calling yet (I will do if not home in the next few hours)
I was angry with him (still will be when he comes home) but the longer this goes on the more I just feel worried. I do have my work laptop and could technically look if he is in A and E but I could get in trouble for doing this so don't want to.
It looks like DS will be going to my parents tomorrow whatever the outcome because clearly he is going to be in no fit state. As much as I would like to inflict crazy two year old on his hangover I would never put DS through that.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 02:38

We have had some difficult news in the family this week and his mum is really unwell with bowel cancer so I think this is heightening my worries.
Also worst case scenario thinking of how will I parent/get through without him. We generally have a really happy marriage

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 02:43

Its now coming up to 3am. I have been awake for almost two hours. He has got some serious questions to answer

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 23/05/2021 02:43

Oh goodness, it sounds like a terrible time for you.

If, as we assume, he is letting his hair down as a coping mechanism, that is really not fair on you.

I am so glad you have support in the form of your parents, OP.

Chienloup · 23/05/2021 02:43

I hope he has just been an idiot OP and turns up soon for the bollocking he is due.

Original poster
MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 02:52

He is home. I have just lost my mind with him. He is full of apologies but it is not washing with me. He had been at his friends house. DS will still be going to my parents in the morning as clearly a day with hungover dad is not fun for anyone. He will have to go and collect him with his tail between his legs.
Selfish pr*ck. We are all struggling right now so no excuses

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 23/05/2021 03:48

Pleased that he is home op. Good on you for the bollocking. That kind of behaviour is a big fuck you

FallingStar · 23/05/2021 04:15

Glad he's home op. My dh once climbed into someones mini cooper and fell asleep he was so drunk. Had me worried sick!

Castlepeak · 23/05/2021 05:08

Glad to see he is home.

I would be furious. Seriously, just furious. I wouldn’t let this go. It’s completely unacceptable behavior for a partner and father.

LittleRa · 23/05/2021 06:07

Hope you’re ok @MrsJVJ
My ExDH used to pull stunts like this.
I foolishly used to let him get away with it when it was just us (can remember driving around in the car looking for him in the early hours) but once we had DD that was it.
I can remember one night he didn’t come home all night, no communication, the next morning I got up, got myself ready for work and DD (probably around 2yo) ready for nursery, left the house around 7.30am and drove past him walking down the main road with last night’s clothes on and a takeaway coffee in his hand. It was like slow motion as I passed him open mouthed.
We’ve been split up 5 years now (DD is 7) and I have a new baby with my DP who couldn’t be more different.
Take care OP

Jobsharenightmare · 23/05/2021 06:26

I'm glad he's safe. What a disrespectful way to treat the woman you love. Selfish ass.