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Original poster

DH not home

71 replies

MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 02:01

Hi
Looking for some advice as starting to really worry now. DH went to the pub to watch football at 2pm yesterday with some friends. Rang about 6.30 to say he would be home soon and we would order a takeaway. Text again at 9pm apologising and saying that he was setting off. The pub is max 15 mins away on foot.
He is still not home. Messages are no longer delivering to him and calls straight to voicemail (assuming battery has run out). I've messaged the two friends he was with and their partners and have had no response.
I've just woken up with my 2yo crying and now I'm really starting to worry. I don't want to over react and call the police but not sure what else to do. I'm at work at 8am in the morning and he is looking after our son. Any advice or hand holding appreciated thank you

OP posts:
cocoloco987 · 23/05/2021 06:47

It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't sent the 'leaving now' message. It's half understandable getting carried away after so long of restrictions and everything else going on. Obviously still bad knowing you are working but to let you think he was on his way but never made it is terrible. Of course you were going to be so worried. He has some serious grovelling to do!

DinosaurDiana · 23/05/2021 06:48

He is a selfish twat. Presumably he gets to sleep his hangover off today while you battle through work sleep deprived.

OnlyInYourDreams · 23/05/2021 06:57

I would be fuming.

There are no excuses for telling your partner you’re just leaving at 9:00 and not rolling in until almost 3 AM.

spidermomma · 23/05/2021 06:58

My husband did this once and tried to come home at 9am the next day, he was at our friends house why his girlfriend was away an they got carried away and "couldn't get A taxi" so I locked him outside on my front until he next morning in his car. He's never done it again :)!!!

3Britnee · 23/05/2021 07:08

Not sure I agree with ops stance.

He went out, stayed out later than she thinks he should and his phone died. Her response is controlling. He's an adult. So far he hasn't shirked his duties in the morning. No doubt op will be on to reply that he's comatose though.

Imagine if a man bollocked a woman for not constantly checking in and staying out later than she was 'allowed'.

Just because he's been drinking doesn't mean he'll be incapable tomorrow.

Original poster
MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 07:28

@3Britnee controlling?! Never. He told me he was on his way home (15 min walk) and wasn't home until 6 hours later. I thought he was dead in a ditch! He was meant to be looking after our son whilst I work today. I'm pregnant and have lost almost 3 hours sleep before going to work.
No I'm not controlling, I would expect exactly the same if this was me who had taken the mick stayed out all night. I would expect the same level of concern for my safety. And a rightfully upset husband when I got home. Except I would never to that to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 07:28

Thanks to everyone else for the support x

OP posts:
RizzleRazzle · 23/05/2021 07:29

@3Britnee

Not sure I agree with ops stance.

He went out, stayed out later than she thinks he should and his phone died. Her response is controlling. He's an adult. So far he hasn't shirked his duties in the morning. No doubt op will be on to reply that he's comatose though.

Imagine if a man bollocked a woman for not constantly checking in and staying out later than she was 'allowed'.

Just because he's been drinking doesn't mean he'll be incapable tomorrow.

He'd been out drinking for 12 hours and got in 5 hours before he's meant to be looking after his child, of course he will be in no fit state to look after his DC. And being worried because your partner isn't home 5 hours after setting off for home and angry because actually he decided to stay out but not tell her is not controlling.
AngelDelightUk · 23/05/2021 07:33

Hope he has the hangover from hell for putting you through that!

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 23/05/2021 07:34

@MrsJVJ

He is home. I have just lost my mind with him. He is full of apologies but it is not washing with me. He had been at his friends house. DS will still be going to my parents in the morning as clearly a day with hungover dad is not fun for anyone. He will have to go and collect him with his tail between his legs. Selfish pr*ck. We are all struggling right now so no excuses
You don't own him ffs
baubled · 23/05/2021 07:37

The OP isn't bothered he went out or stayed later- she's pissed because he said he was setting off home, didn't come for hours which caused her to be awake in the middle of the night FFS! He's supposed to be looking after their child so she can go to work, it's not controlling to be pissed off or making it clear that he was out of order for causing that worry.

SwanShaped · 23/05/2021 07:43

I’d have been so worried. Hope you manage to sort it out with him and it’s a very selfish one off. Rather than a pattern of being thoughtless.

Idontknowanymore05 · 23/05/2021 07:44

@SakuraEdenSwan1
He is an adult, he has responsibilities and so therefore he should know better than to stay out all night!!

Op @MrsJVJ I hope you got some more sleep in the end..

GertieCB · 23/05/2021 07:45

Oh good, the cool wives have appeared on the thread Hmm
OP, any chance you could take emergency leave today to catch up on your sleep? Pregnant and sleep deprived - you must feel shocking Flowers

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/05/2021 07:48

Someone says they are on their way home and it's a 15 minute walk, when 30 mins passes you realise it's likely they haven't left yet. I would assume he got another drink.
One pint lasts my P about half hour so 15/20 minutes after that if he's still not back I then worry.
Maybe he did start walking and was hit by a car.
Maybe he tripped and banged his head on the curb.
Maybe he was mugged - now his phone is off.

When you love someone you become concerned and your mind can run away with you.
And he shirked his responsibilities the moment he decided to get pissed because he won't be in any fit state to look after a child.

OhGloriousDay · 23/05/2021 07:51

@3Britnee

Not sure I agree with ops stance.

He went out, stayed out later than she thinks he should and his phone died. Her response is controlling. He's an adult. So far he hasn't shirked his duties in the morning. No doubt op will be on to reply that he's comatose though.

Imagine if a man bollocked a woman for not constantly checking in and staying out later than she was 'allowed'.

Just because he's been drinking doesn't mean he'll be incapable tomorrow.

Have you read the OP properly? He said he was on his way home and then went AWOL.

If you think that level of disrespect and lack of care is good enough you have seriously low standards

LemonLemonLemon · 23/05/2021 07:56

OP I am with you here! Don’t see how anyone can excuse that behaviour with the circumstances you just described. Different if you didn’t have children for example.

I’m such a worrier and my mind would have gone to the worst place.
Hope you’re okay today!

espressoontap · 23/05/2021 08:14

I'd also be furious. My DH did similar when I was due to go to the hospital for bloods to check my HCG levels as I was miscarrying, we had no childcare and I didn't want to take DS as I had to go on the a ward with it being the weekend. He was in no fit state to look after him and I had to take him with me Sad I've still never forgiven him.

Cactusesi · 23/05/2021 08:15

You rearranged the child care. Your job to pick the child up.

year5teacher · 23/05/2021 08:18

@3Britnee

Not sure I agree with ops stance.

He went out, stayed out later than she thinks he should and his phone died. Her response is controlling. He's an adult. So far he hasn't shirked his duties in the morning. No doubt op will be on to reply that he's comatose though.

Imagine if a man bollocked a woman for not constantly checking in and staying out later than she was 'allowed'.

Just because he's been drinking doesn't mean he'll be incapable tomorrow.

What an absolute reach. It’s the saying “I’m leaving now” and then just... not appearing for hours. I doubt OP would feel the same if she knew he wasn’t going to be coming home until 3am! I’d be worried sick if my partner did this. I love him, and would be so worried he’d fallen in a bloody river or something! If you think this is acceptable behaviour then god help you.
MsTSwift · 23/05/2021 08:20

Thoughtless idiot. Shame you have kids and set up home with him. Inexcusable in this age of constant communication. One text could have given you a nights sleep

blackcat86 · 23/05/2021 08:30

Utterly inexcusable. I would be livid to. Does he think he's a teenager rather a father with a wife and childcare responsibilities? I'm all for a good night out but not when you are being relied upon for childcare and not when he says he's on his way only to disappear completely. What a twat. You are not controlling OP. I would hope someone would worry about me if I said I was on my way and just didn't turn up! Presumably the oh so cool wives here are also totally cool with OP being the one doing the chasing around and having to arrange alternative childcare like she's her DHs mother. Sod that. I would be having a come to Jesus talk that if that ever happened again I would be gone. Very immature and unattractive behaviour

Roselilly36 · 23/05/2021 08:42

Totally with you on this one OP. Very selfish behaviour, you must have been worried sick. Some on here, with extremely low standards if they think it’s acceptable. I hope you are ok, you must feel tired out.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 23/05/2021 08:58

I would be incredibly pissed off for sure, and DH would know it, but I’d try to keep a lid on the dramatics. He got drunk, he lost track of time, we all make mistakes, your two year old is well cared for today, I know you’re pregnant but it is still possible (although less pleasant) to function on little sleep. I’m nearly six months and haven’t haven’t slept properly for weeks but still have to go to work and do my job.

Christmasfairy2020 · 23/05/2021 09:00

I wonder if he was with a woman at her house. Lockdown. Poorly mum, young family hope your OK at work today with little sleep x

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