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Original poster

DH not home

71 replies

MrsJVJ · 23/05/2021 02:01

Hi
Looking for some advice as starting to really worry now. DH went to the pub to watch football at 2pm yesterday with some friends. Rang about 6.30 to say he would be home soon and we would order a takeaway. Text again at 9pm apologising and saying that he was setting off. The pub is max 15 mins away on foot.
He is still not home. Messages are no longer delivering to him and calls straight to voicemail (assuming battery has run out). I've messaged the two friends he was with and their partners and have had no response.
I've just woken up with my 2yo crying and now I'm really starting to worry. I don't want to over react and call the police but not sure what else to do. I'm at work at 8am in the morning and he is looking after our son. Any advice or hand holding appreciated thank you

OP posts:

Flittingaboutagain · 23/05/2021 09:08

Some posters don't get context at all OP. They obviously don't know how many men die from misadventure when drunk every year. You are perfectly entitled to be annoyed with him for that and for thinking he can safely be responsible for your child this morning after having a huge drinking session until 3.

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and I can function because I haven't spent the night awake worrying about someone I love; just awake because I can't get comfy! Totally different.

Adultasd · 23/05/2021 09:17

This kind of behaviour was cited on my divorce. I put up with it for a long time as I was accused of being controlling expecting him
Home at a reasonable hour when we had a tiny baby. The prick is someone else's problem now.

LividBlabber · 23/05/2021 09:26

Only those who haven’t had the misfortune to be in this position can excuse this behaviour.

My ex-h used to pull this type of shit.

I ended up phoning the police once and ringing round the hospitals. After that, I’d just sit up and worry.

Shame on me for putting up with it.

My second husband wouldn’t ever act like this, because he’s not a selfish twat. If he didn’t come home I’d be on the streets with a torch and a search party because there’s be no doubt something had happened to him.

DarcyLewis · 23/05/2021 09:35

If I said I was on my way home and then didn't show up my DH would be calling the police

I can't believe there are adult women on this thread who genuinely wouldn't give a fuck if a "loved one" said they were on their way home and then disappeared
In that situation no one would just think nevermind! and go to bed. Would they???

SmidgenofaPigeon · 23/05/2021 09:40

I’m puzzled as to why you got no response from the people he was with though. Why was that do you think? I presume you only text and didn’t ring them but weird that no one replied.

Obviously if OP was seriously going to call the police she’d have rang the friends to try and get a response first.

MyGrassIsBrowner · 23/05/2021 09:43

@DarcyLewis My DH would absolutely do the same. Cant understand the mentality of some of the women on here who are saying OP is controlling. Wtf.

thenewduchessofhastings · 23/05/2021 09:48

Bully for him.

He gets to go out on a 12 hour bender and then get a child free day he can spend in bed in a quiet house.

Sounds like a cracking weekend for him.

His pregnant partner on the other hand has to take care of their young child and work a full day after sod all sleep and has to organise childcare because her partner is a irresponsible twat.

Btw all you idiots saying "he could have looked after DC still"

No he really couldn't;he would have had to up after 4 hours sleep to look after DC so OP could go to work;he's been drinking all day and wouldn't be in any kind of fit state to take care of his DC.

OP is being responsible by making sure her child is adequately taken care of.I'm betting DC will not have been picked up by the time she finishes work.

NoMontaguesOrCapulets · 23/05/2021 09:59

So sorry this has happened OP. To all those saying he's a grown up, it's controlling etc - I know of four separate incidents of grown men who went to the pub one day and never made it home so of course you were right to be worried and of course you're right to be livid.

I hope you're ok and that work passes quickly

BrownEyedGirl80 · 23/05/2021 10:02

Dh once went to watch boxing at his friend's house I knew it would be a v late one as the match didnt start til the early hours.He kept in touch and didnt get home til 9am drunk as a skunk.It was a one off and I didnt mind too much as I knew he was safe.If he had gone zero contact til that time though I'd have gone batshit tbh.

RizzleRazzle · 23/05/2021 10:09

@Christmasfairy2020

I wonder if he was with a woman at her house. Lockdown. Poorly mum, young family hope your OK at work today with little sleep x

Oh come off it. Did you hurt your back reaching that much?

Tlollj · 23/05/2021 10:15

My ex used to do this. I didn’t care though I just went to bed and expected him when I saw him 🤷‍♀️
I didn’t love him though so I suppose that would be different.

grapewine · 23/05/2021 10:35

@Christmasfairy2020

I wonder if he was with a woman at her house. Lockdown. Poorly mum, young family hope your OK at work today with little sleep x

There is always one.

knittingaddict · 23/05/2021 10:42

@3Britnee

Not sure I agree with ops stance.

He went out, stayed out later than she thinks he should and his phone died. Her response is controlling. He's an adult. So far he hasn't shirked his duties in the morning. No doubt op will be on to reply that he's comatose though.

Imagine if a man bollocked a woman for not constantly checking in and staying out later than she was 'allowed'.

Just because he's been drinking doesn't mean he'll be incapable tomorrow.

You don't understand what controlling is.

If any half of a couple, male or female, said that they where 15 minutes from home and on their way and didn't turn up for 6 hours, they would be having words from their partner. All that totally unnecessary worry and stress that could have been avoided by a quick message from someone who is supposed to be an adult. It's so disrespectful to act like that towards someone you love.

If you put up with that without a word of protest then you're the mug.

Scrumptiousbears · 23/05/2021 10:45

Shocking how many people think what the DH has done is acceptable. You lot need to give your head a wobble.

knittingaddict · 23/05/2021 10:46

@Cactusesi

You rearranged the child care. Your job to pick the child up.

Don't be an arse.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/05/2021 11:04

There are some posters that are better off just being ignored. Engaging with them just details the thread and feeds their egos.

@MrsJVJ. Apologies for not cut it. He needs to understand what he's out you through. You need to tell him exactly what you've said on here. I hope when he sobers up properly he understand what he's done & isn't all 'can't I even have fun now, you're a nag etc etc'.

I hope you're ok at work today. (Your job doesn't compare to other posters who do entirely different jobs).

thedogtookit · 23/05/2021 13:36

He's too immature to have his own children. Men like this are not worth the worry.

thedogtookit · 23/05/2021 13:37

@thenewduchessofhastings

Bully for him.

He gets to go out on a 12 hour bender and then get a child free day he can spend in bed in a quiet house.

Sounds like a cracking weekend for him.

His pregnant partner on the other hand has to take care of their young child and work a full day after sod all sleep and has to organise childcare because her partner is a irresponsible twat.

Btw all you idiots saying "he could have looked after DC still"

No he really couldn't;he would have had to up after 4 hours sleep to look after DC so OP could go to work;he's been drinking all day and wouldn't be in any kind of fit state to take care of his DC.

OP is being responsible by making sure her child is adequately taken care of.I'm betting DC will not have been picked up by the time she finishes work.

Yep all of this.

leftout1 · 23/05/2021 13:45

Who the fuck gets home 8 hours later than planned, AND doesn't keep their partner up to date with what's going on?! I'd be livid! Plus, you thought you were getting take-away for dinner, that didn't materialise. Selfish arsehole.

Christmasfairy2020 · 23/05/2021 14:14

Not sure why people are picking on my post. If my husband was this late home I'd presume he had been having it of with someone

DinosaurDiana · 23/05/2021 16:43

I would also assume he was up to something with someone.

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