Would you disown your kids for serious criminal activity?

[zenithfreedom]

I'm not talking about drug crimes, stealing etc... I mean things like murder, rape, terrorism.

I was watching a documentary on the 'Hamburg Cell' of the 4 pilot 9/11 hijackers. One of the family members felt shame and refused to be interviewed.

I don't have kids myself yet but can't imagine how I'd feel if I learned that my son/daughter participated in the murder of thousands of people. What's worse is that even if you forgive them, people who know you would look at you differently.

This is what the mother of the Columbine shooter, Sue Klebold experienced

if my children try to twist their lovely middle class up bringing into some sob story I won’t be feeling guilty.

Yes I agree with this.

It would have to be a 10 on the heinous scale but I think yes I would disown them.
Mass murder like terrorism/school shooting, murder of a child or severe cruelty, serial killer etc.

I wouldn't forgive their actions but I'd still love them as my child.

I don't thi k anyone can answer this unless they are in the situation, and even then it probably still depends.
I can't imagine how it would be to not love my children unconditionally. But I also can't imagine them as murderers or rapists.

if my children try to twist their lovely middle class up bringing into some sob story I won’t be feeling guilty.

If that's genuinely what they had, it's highly unlikely you'll end up in this situation. Honestly, among the teens in work with, once you know their stories, you never coem across one and think "well how did this happen?". There's always something, usually trauma, most often multiple trauma. Some have outwardly nice lives but once you know the full background it makes you want to cry every time, even though we're hardened to it. Really really sad stories for the teens and their victims.

Psychopathy runs in my family so this is a real life dilemma that relatives of mine have faced.
And something I discussed seriously before having kids.
I'm very clear that I wont cover up criminality for my kids. I won't allow my affection for them to override my duty to keep others safe.
But once they are in custody, yes I think I would visit them, send them letters and make sure they have money to spend in the canteen.
It's a sad thing about some people that you can only have a safe relationship with them if they are locked up. But I would want that relationship, yes.

I think this is one of those things that is so horrible you just couldn't possibly comprehend how you would feel unless it happened to you.
Saying that if I'm honest I personally think whilst I would be disgusted by it. I would stand by them.

Nope. Love is unconditional, a mother's love especially so. I see no benefit in disowning a child for any reason.

Also, it's a bit rich to mess up your offspring to such an extent that they commit atrocities and then try to walk away, whistling nonchalantly, as if it's nothing to do with you.

Anyone heard of the Watts family murders? His mum told him in a released prison phone call that she “didn’t care” about him killing his pregnant wife because, and I quote “we know what she was like” and he also killed their 2 little girls and blamed his wife for it, and in court then his mum got to give her victim impact statement and she told him that she forgave him! That takes unconditional love to a whole new level.

I'm always surprised by the behavior of the parents of lubitz, the Germanwings pilot.

www.google.de/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2017/mar/24/father-pilot-crashed-jet-killing-150-disputes-inquiry

@MissScotland101

Anyone heard of the Watts family murders? His mum told him in a released prison phone call that she “didn’t care” about him killing his pregnant wife because, and I quote “we know what she was like” and he also killed their 2 little girls and blamed his wife for it, and in court then his mum got to give her victim impact statement and she told him that she forgave him! That takes unconditional love to a whole new level.

Yeah, she's deluded.

If Chris Watts was my son, I don't think I could ever stop loving him but I would find it very difficult to accept what he has done an impossible to forgive

I've always thought that if I knew my son had committed a crime, I would shop him but I would still visit him in prison. I hope I'm never tested!

I teach young people who have been convicted of such crimes but are deemed too young for prison. Parents often blame ANYONE but their child or themselves, particularly when the child is in care. Often the young person has had an absolutely horrific upbringing and there have been a chain of events/people who have ultimately contributed.

I would. I'm shocked at how many people wouldn't.

If my DC killed all those people I'd never see them again.

If my child turned out to be a pedophile like Ian Watkins then yes I would disown him.

How can people imagine this when their children are small and innocent. I can't contemplate not loving them unconditionally or them doing anything awful to hurt someone. Does this dilemma become more straightforward when they are adults? Do you have more distance to be able to see clearly who they are and judge them not forgive them. Equally if anyone hurt a child deliberately I can't see how anyone could talk civilly to them ever again let alone love them. I don't think I can think straightforwardly about my children since becoming a mother I feel this would probably have been a simpler question beforehand.

I wouldn't.
I could hate the action but never not love my child.

@Krook

I don't know what I would do in all honesty. Not quite the same obviously as her son is no longer alive but the mother of one of the Columbine 'shooters' speaks about her experience. She did a TED talk.

Sue Klebold. Her book 'A Mother's Reckoning' was very poignant and moving.

It's very difficult to say. I think it depends on the crime. A senseless, brutal murder would be hard to look past.

@MissScotland101

Anyone heard of the Watts family murders? His mum told him in a released prison phone call that she “didn’t care” about him killing his pregnant wife because, and I quote “we know what she was like” and he also killed their 2 little girls and blamed his wife for it, and in court then his mum got to give her victim impact statement and she told him that she forgave him! That takes unconditional love to a whole new level.

I watched that very clip this morning, funnily enough.

She never even went to their wedding because she didn't like the wife, and I definitely got the sense within that speech she was more bothered about his prison sentence, than the actual crime.

If it was a one-off (like a stabbing, or fatal car crash) and he was truly remorseful, I couldn’t walk away. I certainly wouldn’t hide it or condone it, and I would feel wracked with guilt in case anything I had done in his childhood had caused it. But I would worry about how desperate he might be if even his own mother turned her back.

Domestic violence, pre-meditated rape or murder, terrorism? And no remorse? No, I couldn’t. I suspect people who do, have convinced themselves their child didn’t do it.

i work with troubled teens, some of their behaviour is awful, occasional heinous. Quite often parents do wash their hands of them, but I'm afraid, almost always, the behaviour stems from some trauma in their history that either the parents caused or should have protected them from. - This, almost always this.

It would depend.

Rape, sexual assault, pedophilia. Absolutely get the fuck out of my life. Honestly that sort of violation of another humans body is unforgivable. And I’m certain there’s research that shows sexually abused kids don’t go on to be sexually abusive adult (I am one of the kids that never became an abusive adult)

Everything else can go either way. Murder can be premeditated or heat of the moment/self defence.

We see young teens groomed into terrorist groups, gangs and drug crimes. We see them go into it willingly.

Age and any difficulties would need to be taken into account too. As well as the situation.

No. I couldn't.

@NewMatress and @MrsPsmalls, slightly off topic, but is it possible to volunteer in some way with teens or young people who are troubled or need help? It’s something that I’ve always been really interested in doing. Thank you

I don't imagine DC doing this, but ultimately, sometimes, thugs & terrorists come from Naice Homes. I'm not complacent enough to think that's impossible.

I imagine I would disown for acts of brutal violence. Terrorism, especially.

I’m not sure you can answer that truthfully unless your in that situation. I’d like to think I wouldn’t ever disown my kids and I hope there’s never a reason I would even have to think about it. It also depends on the crime, murder is a tough one as if it was self defence then I absolutely wouldn’t disown my kids however if it was something more cynical, I’m not sure I could disown it will be maybe never forgive and wonder what I did wrong. You just really don’t know.

This is too awful to think about.