How do you makes friends when you hit middle age?

[midnightiswherethedaybegins]

I’m at a complete loss as to how I make friends. I feel awkward for saying that because it’s often a given that by this age, we have our friendship groups sorted! I’m a headteacher and can’t befriend the parents in my child’s class for obvious reasons. I can’t befriend colleagues even though we get on really well. I don’t have time for hobbies, but would just like a friend to catch up with and do stuff with on the odd weekend or school holiday. Any ideas?

Dunno but i have the same problem. Friendly with people at work but feel like I have to maintain some distance as I manage them. Have a couple of good friends from my twenties but haven't met anyone recently. Probably need to take up a hobby but not much time, and it feels a bit 'needy'.

Absolutely. I think the pandemic has just increased general feelings of isolation. There must be a solution out there for the whole friendship thing!

I'm in the same boat. Lost contact with friends over the years, and feel very lonely. Working from home now and won't be back in the office at all so new work friendships now unlikely. Perhaps we should start a mumsnet friendship club.

It won’t just happen- join a gym club/through sports (for me). Volunteer, join a hobby club, a walking club etc - the WI or similar.

I realise your busy but you need to try find dome time for yourself

Going for walks around local parks/ beauty spots- it's quite likely you'll bump into the same people and get chatting.

Try a women's only guided holiday - u make friends before u go, have the experience, then catch up about it after.

Women's institute

Same. I have friends but they all have better friends. I suppose I am just used to it now i a few years I plan to go on solo holidays. Im single so that may be why Im left out of some things. I have single friends but their children are younger.

Go and do something you enjoy alone, and be prepared to strike up conversation.

It's not easy OP. I did develop some friends through volunteering in the past but as a result of loads of shit happening to my family, everything's fallen away.

Some people have suggested MeetUp.

That sounds tricky as your circumstances are quite unique. How about neighbours? Or teachers from other schools? You might meet people at CPD events for example (when things are back to normal).

Try volunteering, I met lots of friends as a youth mentor volunteer and now volunteer as a Mind telephone counsellor and made friends there too. Although if you’re busy then this isn’t really possible. I gave up full time 9-5 works for the lack of work life balance and found I have a much fuller life now. Is there anything you could do? Join a running club, do an evening course, start yoga? Are you able to invite someone over for dinner, tea? Also, another way I made friends unexpectedly was through BorrowMyDoggy, I basically invited a couple over for dinner who looked after my dog for free and we have been friends for two years now. It really depends on your interests though.

I’m 40 this year. Moved to a town just months before the first lockdown, where I knew no one other than DP, (who is lovely but has no interest in friends of his own).

I joined walking groups, a ladies group (similar to WI but less stuffy) and set up my own Facebook page for people who wanted to walk together with their dogs.

I now have a lovely group of a few local friends and many acquaintances who I can meet with, message and have lunch with.

I will also resume Pilates and yoga next week which I don’t expect to yield friends, but gives me another social outlet.

Just put yourself out there!

Bumble app has a friend bit separate to the dating one I think. It's tricky though and the lockdowns have made it almost impossible imo. When things open up I'd say groups like drawing and cinema? Meetup used to be good but lots of groups seem to have died during lockdown

Ah that's tricky with the child situation. Can they join out of school clubs and meet new children and you might meet some new parents?

I can’t understand why you can’t befriend the parents of your child’s friends (unless you are head at your child’s school?)

I made some good friends at activities that my children attended. Sitting watching gymnastics together on a Saturday morning week after week was good bonding time for lots of us mums. Depending on how old your children are, it might be worth trying to strike up conversations at things like that.

What about old friends who you’ve lost touch with. Could you perhaps text/ email one of them with a message saying something like you were looking through old photos and they got you remembering a nice time you shared together, that you’d love to meet for a coffee and a catch up.

L

I’ve hit this problem. I have a long commute to work so difficult to meet up outside work and I’ve moved away from where I had children. I was just about to join the Towns Women’s Guild before lockdown happen and will as soon as they start to meet f2f.

We moved across the country some years ago and although I don’t have tonnes of friends here, the ones I socialise with regularly and planned (not just bumping into and having a chat) I have met through walking my dogs.

I am making new friends at 49 by doing the following"
(1) Joined a neighbourhood walking and social group. Kept suggesting other events and next weekend I am meeting some new people and going to a museum.
(2) Am v active on Twitter and suggested meeting up to a few ppl whom I did meet . I wouldn't call them friends yet but there is potential.
(3) Have plans to meet some ppl in my line of work soon. I found them through a professional organisation. There must be some teacher groups?

I am an extrovert though and am not shy. I have DS, 17, but he does nt want me to make friends with his friends' moms. I can see why as it sometimes gets odd.

I think putting yourself out there is the only way really. You have to find time for a hobby/activity and then make the effort to speak to people when you're there.

It's not easy though.

I’m feeling the same right now. I have a few friends in the area but they are all heavily involved in the local church which I’m not so I feel quite excluded. They kind of pop round each other houses and I don’t get invited it’s been getting me down so I decided just to take a step back now. I’ve found it very difficult to meet people with similar interests I’m an introvert with anxiety too which doesn’t help.

How is it that you don't have friends from before you became a head though ? Friends from University? Colleagues from previous schools ?
Friends from hobbies or sports or things you belonged to before you had dc ? Friends that you and your partner spent time with prior to having dc ? People you met through your dc before they started at your school ?
You haven't just been born into this situation.

I am not shy of simply saying ' I am new to this area and would like to make some new friends." I know this is a very un-British thing to do. I am not British though so I do it. Some people may think it's too needy, but who cares? I have had other people respond " Oh yes, I need to expand my social circle too."

There is nothing to be ashamed of in being lonely or wanting contact with people outside your family.

Same. I have friends but they all have better friends.

I feel like this too. Or they work long hours/have lots of extended family and don't seem to have much time.

I am hoping to join a few groups related to my interests soon. Lockdown really brought it home to me how insular I had become.

I'm in my mid-50s and have just moved to a new area. I have got to know new people here by going on free local health walks organised by the district council, by volunteering in the local community shop and by learning something new (Nordic walking!) As I also run, I'm hoping to try Parkrun when they start up again. You do have to be brave and try things, but the joy is when you meet people who are just as keen to socialise as you are. Good luck OP :)