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Original poster

DD (13) is taller than me and hates it - what should I do?

57 replies

Cerinthe101 · 15/05/2021 14:48

DD is 13 and about 5’7”. I am 5’5” and she hates being taller than me. She is happy being tall in general, and knows that it is generally considered a good thing, but it constantly bothers her that I am shorter than her. This is only going to get worse!

I don’t want her to feel sad, and we are both hoping that wise mumsnetters will have some advice that will help her see things differently 😀

OP posts:
ArosGartref · 15/05/2021 14:52

Wear lifts at all times, like Francois Sarkozy.

Dig a hole for your daughter to stand in while you talk, like Tom cruise does to his co-stars.

Break your legs and make them longer somehow, like Ethan Hawke in Gattaca.

SoupDragon · 15/05/2021 14:52

You need to find out why she doesn't like it. It's probably about growing up ie she's now too big to be "mothered" maybe?

Are you taller than your mum? Would that work in reassuring her it is just the way things are?

My DD (15) takes great delight in claiming she is taller than me. I claim that she is not in fact taller than me.

Serenschintte · 15/05/2021 14:53

Honestly I wouldn’t focus on the sadness. Being tall brings lots of benefits - 5,7 is kind of in between.
It may be a phase that will pass. And she can help you by being talked and teaching thinks you can’t!

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Families
GaraMedouar · 15/05/2021 14:54

Why does she hate being taller? Surely children expect to be taller than their mums?

Both my DS’s grew taller than me and couldn’t wait.

My DD is 9 and smaller than me but we expect her to grow to around 4 inches taller than me. I’m only 5ft 1 though.

I think it’s a great height 5ft 7. Tell her I’m very envious SmileAre many girls her height in school? I generally think kids are quite tall now. Maybe her friends will shoot up a bit later on and she’s just an early starter.

Roomba · 15/05/2021 14:55

Wear stilts? Platform shoes? Not sure there's anything much you can do about it! My son was thrilled when he overtook me, aged ten. I can see how it may invoke feelings of not wanting to grow up so fast though, like much of puberty.

MelissaVonStressel · 15/05/2021 14:56

My DC love being taller than me. My friend's DD was taller than her when she was 10 Grin It's an unusual thing for your DD to be upset about - what else is going on?

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/05/2021 14:57

It won’t get worse. It’s normal to have some body dislike as a teenager. Do you remember what yours was? I was short and hated being short because people would treat me younger than I was. One of my best friends hated how she suddenly had big feet.

Maybe have a conversation with her that adolescence is challenging because you are changing from child body to adult body, and you don’t have to like everything about that. It’s ok to not like being tall but over time you do get used to it and not hate it any more.

Selkie1961 · 15/05/2021 14:58

It's just an adjustment. I hug my dd and it does feel odd to be hugging a child who's bigger than you, but you get used to it! So will she.

Im short so im glad my dd is taller than i am but at the same time, try not to tell her one height is better than another. They have to learn to be comfortable in their skin. They dont owe it to anybody to be tall, thin, bl9nde, pretty, and until they get that, then as soon as they stop worrying about their height they start worrying about their nose.

TroysMammy · 15/05/2021 14:59

My niece is nearly 11 and nearly as tall as me. It's not hard with me being just under 5 ft. She loves it and she calls me tiny Auntie. I'm comfortable with my height and I find it funny. She'll be useful in a few years when we go shopping and she can reach the things I can't.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/05/2021 15:00

I was like you DD... Talker than my parents by 13. Indications are that my DD will be taller than me at a similar age. I was also taller than my elder brother then, but he grew later.

Reassure her it's normal, every generation is getting taller. And she's still your little girl (although teenagers don't like to hear that but).

Original poster
Cerinthe101 · 15/05/2021 15:01

😁 @ArosGartref - thats made us both laugh, thanks!

She’s 5’7 now, but will be about 6’ when fully grown. Lots of other girls at school are her height or taller, and she’s fine with that. It’s being taller than me specifically that she doesn’t like.

She’s always going on about how on telly, in cartoons etc that children are never taller than their parents. In fact me typing this has made her go off on one about that - to quote: “It’s true - even when they’re about 19 or something, they are shorter!”

OP posts:
CarrieErbag · 15/05/2021 15:02

That seems an odd thing to be upset about.
My dd has had 2 spinal fusions so had not turned out as tall as she 'should' be. It drives her mad. Her dad is 6ft and I'm 5'8
She is about 5'3 or thereabouts.

NoWordForFluffy · 15/05/2021 15:02

I'm sure she'll get used to it. I caught my mum up when I was 8 (she was 4'11" those days) and I was taller than my dad at 13, by an inch. If she actually likes having height, that's half the battle!

tabulahrasa · 15/05/2021 15:04

“She’s always going on about how on telly, in cartoons etc that children are never taller than their parents.”

Because they’re fictional and it’s an easy way to make children look like children...but I mean, cartoon people don’t look like real people anyway.

I’m 5 ft 8.., I’ve been shorter than my DC since they were about 13, it happens a lot, tell her to look at real people.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 15/05/2021 15:04

Shrink.

Jk. I'm tall and still self conscious about it as so many of my friends happen to be on the shorter side and I feel like a giant next to them. But you learn to live with it I suppose.

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 15/05/2021 15:05

Use stilts

NoWordForFluffy · 15/05/2021 15:05

Also, what makes you think she has another 5 inches of growing to do? If she's started her periods already, she may not.

Original poster
Cerinthe101 · 15/05/2021 15:05

It’s really nice of you all to take the time to reply,thank you 🙂

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 15/05/2021 15:07

@NoWordForFluffy

Also, what makes you think she has another 5 inches of growing to do? If she's started her periods already, she may not.
Yes, DD has only grown about an inch, maybe 2, since starting her periods.
EmeraldShamrock · 15/05/2021 15:07

She needs to get on with it she can hardly change it.
My DD is 12 5ft4 she's delighted to be taller than me she is still growing her Dad is 6ft2.

Original poster
Cerinthe101 · 15/05/2021 15:09

She’s always followed the 99th centile in the red book, which takes her to about 6’ as an adult.

Really appeicte the comment about cartoons not being real - that definitely comes under the category of ‘why didn’t I think of that!’

OP posts:
diddl · 15/05/2021 15:10

I'm barely 5ft.

I think my daughter must have been about 10 when she caught me up.

When she started 2ndry school-they start at 10 I was mistaken for one of the new starters.

Does that help?

Rummikub · 15/05/2021 15:10

I had this conversation with my teen dd last night.
She’s taller than me and said she’d prefer it if I was taller than her so she can still look up at me.
I agreed with that but there’s nothing we can do about it. Except only talk to her when she’s sitting down and I’m standing up 😬
I think it’s about growing up. You’ll always be older than her and be her mum!

BramStoker · 15/05/2021 15:11

What makes you think she will reach 6 foot OP?

In my experience girls tend to reach their adult height at around 13 so there is no reason to think she will grow another 5 inches.

ArosGartref · 15/05/2021 15:14

I'm glad you found it funny - I was worried I misread the tone of the thread. I'm 5'10 btw and it's awesome.