DD (13) is taller than me and hates it - what should I do?

[Cerinthe101]

DD is 13 and about 5’7”. I am 5’5” and she hates being taller than me. She is happy being tall in general, and knows that it is generally considered a good thing, but it constantly bothers her that I am shorter than her. This is only going to get worse!

I don’t want her to feel sad, and we are both hoping that wise mumsnetters will have some advice that will help her see things differently 😀

It’s not going to get worse. She’s going to get older and less dependant on you and will feel less anxious. It’s almost certainly down to conflicting feelings about growing up if it’s not about being tall in general. Continue to be the reassuring presence I’m sure you are.

I actually thought all children were taller than their parents - I don’t know anyone shorter than their mother. If all the girls in her school are tall, plenty of them must be taller than their mothers. Very few women are taller than 5’7.

Anyway there’s nothing she can do about it, unless she chops her legs off, so she is just going to have to get used to it.

Im shorter than my mother. It's not that unusual. Depends if your dad was same height or taller than your mum surely.

She’s always followed the 99th centile in the red book, which takes her to about 6’ as an adult.

It's a reference chart, not a crystal ball.

Apparently you are half your height at age 2

OP I wonder if a lot of this is all tied in with growing up but secretly still wanting to be your little girl (if that doesn’t sound too bleergh). 13 is a tough age, for girls and boys.

I am sure that as she gets older she’ll come to love her height -far better to be taller than shorter. I’m 5ft7 and I love it - i think it’s a perfect height for a woman. But clearly at the moment she’s seeing her height as a symbol of something she is not, currently, entirely comfortable with.

Hopefully as she grows and matures she will come to realise that it doesn’t really matter and she’ll come to accept how she is. But in the meantime I’d go for lots of physical reassurance that even though she’s growing up, she’s still not too big to be your child. Lots of hugs, plenty of physical affection (if she’ll tolerate it). Help her feel positive about how she looks and what she’s doing, whether it’s making a nice comment about how her hair looks, or admiring an outfit, or telling her how proud you are of her efforts at school or a hobby or whatever.

I am sure it will sort itself out over time.

I was 5'9 at her age and finished off at 5'11, my mum is 5'0 at a stretch, overtook her when I was 10! I never used to like being tall but wouldn't change it now.

Honestly I’d tell her to stop being so ridiculous. Being miserable about it isn’t going to change it. She just needs to accept it.

The Redbook doesn't mean much my two friends at primary school were really tall. I was the shortest in the class. One if the girls grew to 6ft the other 5ft 4 and shorter than me! There's another way to work out height i can't remember what it's call but it's slightly more accurate you add parents heights together and divide them and take away a certain amount for a girl and add a certain amount for a boy but even that states something like there can be a variance of 4 inches!

My DD is tall and willowy, she overtook me in primary school ages also. And she hated it.

I told her it was very useful so she could reach up and get things off high shelves for me.

She still dislikes that she’s taller than me but doesn’t mind being tall.

I tell DD she will always be my darling baby no matter how tall she is. And she’s gorgeous being the height she is.

I'm with the ones who say she needs to stop being so ridiculous. If my teen said that to me I'd laugh and tell him the same.
Jesus we are what we are. I'm a short ass. I got 'teased' by my family for being the shortest even now. All in jest obviously but its given me backbone.
My dd is just 3 and I'd imagine will be tall like dh. She's over 110cm already.

Wait till she can rest her chin on your head. It's endlessly amusing according to my Son.

It’s not just cartoons. It’s media in general that can make someone, especially girls, feel this way about height. Showing the children in a parent-child relationship as noticeably shorter is a “shorthand.” For example, on Modern Family. In the family with two daughters, in real life, the actress who plays the eldest daughter is only one inch shorter than the actress who plays the mum. But on show posters, even for the final season when the daughter is definitely full height, and often on the show itself, they’ll make the mum look at least three inches taller with shoes, etc. In REAL life modern families (har har), as you can see from these comments, some sons and daughters are outgrowing their mums by age 9 or 10, and as Francois Sarkozy isn’t doing bustling “How to Live in Lifts” seminars all over the UK for mums, I imagine most families are doing just fine. You can still give the kind of smothering hug that makes her say, “MuuuuUUUUuuuMM,” at any height.

My mum thought I was going to be over 6ft, as I was so tall at age 11. I’m 5 ft 6, which is still taller than both my parents.

If you read the caveats to the growth charts you’ll see they are essentially meaningless, and certainly shouldn’t be used as a definitive prediction of end height

Cartoon people often only have 3 fingers and a thumb too!

To get the full 'in the bosom of your mum' squishy hug, you could stand on the first step of the staircase.

My dd overtook me at age 11 and loved it. She is now 5'8 1/2" and I am 5'5". She loves standing next to me with her elbow on my shoulder 'leaning' on me.

Cartoon people often only have 3 fingers and a thumb too!

Not to mention the yellow family!

I have no advice, but DD14 has literally been excited for years at the idea of growing taller than me (I'm quite short). She is now about 2 inches taller and is genuinely delighted. Which I suppose just goes to show you can never predict what teens will be happy/annoyed about!

99th centile for girls in the red book still only gives a predicted adult height of 5’8”. Most girls are almost fully grown at 13. It’s a difficult age she just needs some reassurance I expect

Just ensure she’s always sat when you’re standing!

My DC are all taller than me - even my 10yr-old.

They take great joy in referring to me as "Mini-mum" from the joke about the definition of 'minimum' being 'a very small mother'.

One advantage to pass on to your DD is that it means that she can now put things away that are out of your reach. Apparently it's sweet revenge for all those years of me child-proofing everything.

Ds1 used to be convinced he was going to clown feet as he took an adult size 7 when he was 11. And he does, it’s a right pita.

(Not really, he’s a 6 foot adult with size 10 feet )

My daughter is fully grown and is really annoyed that she stopped 1/2 an inch short of me I keep telling her I'll shrink eventually.

I also had to point out to ds2 at 18 the reason he found it easier to paint round the edge of the room was because;

Males have a genetic advantage in terms of muscle mass and height. Plus he has longer arms and is a number of decades younger than me. He hadn’t thought of that.

It’s pretty common for girls to be taller than their mums so just reassure her of that fact. I’m about 3/4 inches taller than my mum.
It’s a little odd she’s upset about being taller than you but not her height in general, maybe she’s struggling a bit with growing up.