What age to leave kids in evening?

[lionfeet]

I know this has probably done to death, but just after a sense check.

Two sensible kids, aged nearly 12 and nearly 14. DH and I going out for dinner locally (20 mins away max). One of us will stay sober to drive home if needed. Return time 10.30pm. Safe area, neighbours at home.

So, can I leave them or do I need a babysitter? I'm really torn - I know friends who happily do this and I know 14/15 year olds who babysit - but would appreciate a wider view. I haven't left them in the evening before (would happily leave for an hour or two in the day, and have left older one all day occasionally if day off school and I'm at work).

Thoughts?

I think 11/12 is too young, they'd both have to be 14+ for me.

I think it depends on the kids. I was out babysitting at 12. My 12 year old would be fine but wouldn’t leave my 14 year old.

Our dcs are nearly 15 & 10 and I’d consider leaving them for a couple of hours max while dh & I went for a meal but we would only be 10minute walk away max. Both sensible kids and would probably be on their iPads/gaming and wouldn’t probably notice we were missing.

I think it is potentially fine, depending on the kids and their relationship. Are they generally sensible and do they get on well?

I'd happily leave my nearly 14 year old with my easy going 10 year old, but I think it will be proportionally a lot longer before he can be left with my 8 year old because the youngest one is a bit of a rebel and enjoys winding his older brother up.

I think it also depends to some extent on where you live e.g there is a difference between leaving children in an isolated rural location vs a friendly neighbourhood where there are doors they can knock on if something unexpected happened.

At 14 my dc would not have been keen on having a baby sitter. I would leave them they probably will stay in own rooms watching rubbish on phones.

I went on holiday with friends at 14.......I’m sure they can stay in a house for a couple of hours

My eldest is 15, middle child is 12 and my youngest is 9, I have been wondering the same thing about babysitters etc. I have no plans to actually go anywhere with DH but we have recently discussed what age it would be appropriate to leave them for a couple of hours between 7-9pm.

I thin fact you’re posting indicates that if you do go out... you’ll be worried and will spoil the evening
So perhaps get a sitter for your sake so you can enjoy the evening!

I left mine overnight at 13 with an iron tight back up plan.
It was rare I left her at all though as I've never really gone out in the evenings.

I would at those ages. Depends on how sensible they'd be and if they'd end up annoying each other!

I left mine at 14 and 11 but both sensible with good neighbours nearby. And we weren't too far away to start with in case there were any problems.

If the 14 year old is responsible then it's fine

@zizl

I think 11/12 is too young, they'd both have to be 14+ for me.

Why?

Same as Barefoot. We have two well behaved sensible girls who watched tv together I began to wonder what the point of the sitter was so stopped bothering. Only leave them if we are local but rarely more than 10min cab ride away

Absolutely fine. Many 14 year olds take up babysitting jobs to earn pocket money, by 14 if they're not responsible enough to be at home for a few hours unsupervised with a younger sibling, I think that screams more of a problem... why haven't they learnt that sense of responsibility yet?!

An 11 year old I’d leave in the day for a short period, I’d say 14 to leave at night and wouldn’t be expecting the older sibling to be the default free babysitter. We just take ours with us if eating out.

I think it’s fine as long as they get on and won’t fight. If the neighbour is happy to step in if there was an emergency then I don’t t see an issue.

Absolutely fine.

It would be deeply disturbing if they couldn’t be left for a few hours at their ages.

*unless they have special needs before someone says it

I did at that age locally

If they get on so are unlikely to end up fighting / one of them storming off etc

Fed before you go, snacks and drinks in fridge.

Check in with them both half way through

@IHaveBrilloHair

I left mine overnight at 13 with an iron tight back up plan. It was rare I left her at all though as I've never really gone out in the evenings.

On her own?

I thought you weren't supposed to leave under 16s overnight on their own?

Ours are now 17 (Autistic), 15 and 10.

We started leaving them last year during lockdown 1. (then 16,14 and 9)

We built up from a 20 minute walk with the dog, an hour at the allotment (5 minutes away) 2 hours in town (also 5 minutes away) having a leisurely lunch post lockdown.

We talked about various scenarios like deliveries, people visiting unannounced, what is an emergency, what to do if worried. They all have our numbers programmed into their phones.

It feels like a part of the world has opened up to us again. With the eldest being autistic we've never been able to find babysitters and he doesn't like being away from home. Without any external support possible and being in a smallish space 24/7 with running a business from home and homeschooling all three I needed time out and we needed to be able to have the odd private conversation about the future (especially with eldest not sitting exams and precarious future)

Between the three of them they're very sensible and they all get on and respect each other and personal space.

It has been interesting the things that have unnerved them. Initially a delivery, subsequently a neighbour turning up to borrow something worried them (lovely neighbour, I don't really know why). The one that caused most upset was the landline ringing! I have this mental image of the three of them standing around this relic watching it ring and listening to the mundane sales message left on the answer machine.

What is really important to me is not that unexpected things can happen its their ability to react and handle the unexpected. Some DC can do this at a relatively young age say 7. Others are worriers and would find this challenging at 15.

How do you feel yours would handle the unexpected - would they worry about calling you?

Are they happy to be left?

Mine are quite proud (in a shrugging shoulders teenage way) that they get to choose to stay home sometimes now.

I left my 11 and 14yo on a Saturday afternoon to do a food shop during lockdown when they only allowed one person inside. Someone called the police, who attended. They called me to confirm their ages were what they said and said it was absolutely fine and they had no issue.