What age to leave kids in evening?

[lionfeet]

I know this has probably done to death, but just after a sense check.

Two sensible kids, aged nearly 12 and nearly 14. DH and I going out for dinner locally (20 mins away max). One of us will stay sober to drive home if needed. Return time 10.30pm. Safe area, neighbours at home.

So, can I leave them or do I need a babysitter? I'm really torn - I know friends who happily do this and I know 14/15 year olds who babysit - but would appreciate a wider view. I haven't left them in the evening before (would happily leave for an hour or two in the day, and have left older one all day occasionally if day off school and I'm at work).

Thoughts?

Arrghh! I missed out some crucial info - eldest was 14 when he started babysitting.

@thirstyformore

Why is 8-10 at night different to 12-2 in the afternoon? I'm really surprised that people won't leave a 14 year old with a younger sibling for a few hours. Ours have just turned 8 and 12 and we've begun leaving them for 20/30 minutes. Will build up to longer periods and by 9 and 13 I would expect to be able to leave them in the evening for a few hours.

When I was 13 I was regularly babysitting for a family up the road with a 7, 5 and 2 year old.

I suppose that for most of the year 8-10 is dark. People often feel more nervous about darkness. It also falls around the bedtime zone. If you had an emergency, it's easier to get help such as knocking on a neighbour a bit earlier.

@thirstyformore

* Why is 8-10 at night different to 12-2 in the afternoon? *if you hadn’t have gone on to confirm you have children, I would have presumed you didn’t have children and had no insight or experience of children at all

Absolutely fine. I was left home alone in the evenings from around age 12-13 while my parents went out locally. I loved it as I had full control of the TV and they let me treat myself to chips

I did when I had children that age. With the rule that they were not allowed to answer the door.
We lived in a terrace with good neighbours and I always let one side or the other know they were home alone in case of fire or any other emergency that would require the number of occupants to be known.

@thirstyformore

Why is 8-10 at night different to 12-2 in the afternoon? I'm really surprised that people won't leave a 14 year old with a younger sibling for a few hours. Ours have just turned 8 and 12 and we've begun leaving them for 20/30 minutes. Will build up to longer periods and by 9 and 13 I would expect to be able to leave them in the evening for a few hours.

When I was 13 I was regularly babysitting for a family up the road with a 7, 5 and 2 year old.

For my DS it's because he doesn't like being at home alone in the dark. He's not quite 13 though so a bit younger. He's almost ok with it - got left til 9.30 recently unintentionally and he was ok

Thanks very much everyone. They are both sensible (they do bicker sometimes, but I actually think they'd be very unlikely to in that situation). I'm not at all worried about what they might get up to while we're out - purely a concern about an unexpected situation etc. But plenty of neighbours around (including an extremely responsible one next door). Think we'll do it. Completely agree with a PP who said that Covid means that children getting older has crept up on people. I feel like I've blinked and suddenly reached the age of never needing a babysitter again - can't quite believe it .

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep just from personal experience. I was fine left alone as a 14 year old but never went well when my 12 year old sister was left too!

Just before lockdown, we had a couple of incidents with our DD (13 at the time) when someone rang the doorbell while DH and I were out. It was during the day. She panicked because she didn't know who it was. I bought a ring doorbell to help with this and DH and I also have the app on our phones so DD can check herself but we also know if someone is at the door too. Having said that, we haven't had to put it to use really, as we've not been anywhere!

Why did she panic because someone rang the doorbell?! How bizarre

@runway My ds just turned 13 used to sit behind the sofa/stay upstairs so that he didn’t have to answer the door up to about 6 months ago. I’m sure it’s fairly standard for them to be nervous of opening the door given that all their younger life we’ve told them NOT to open it?!

I used to leave mine for short bursts at 15 and 12. I wouldn’t have left the older one at 12 but the younger one is so sensible and risk averse that by the time he was 12 his older brother had grown up enough too.

I was babysitting other people's kids (babies) at 14. They'll be fine as long as they're sensible types!

They will be fine, i wouldn't give it a second thought. My friend went to Paris for the weekend with her dh, leaving her 11, 13 and 15 year old dds alone. Her mil and bil live nearby and would have been more than willing to stay, but she didn't want them interfering!

I was thinking about this, this morning for my 2 same age kids. I have decided that after 8.30 they need a babysitter still, for another year or so.

DD is an only child - we started leaving her home alone for full days at age 14, but I’d say she wasn’t 100% comfortable with it until 15. She is 17 now and I don’t think she’d be particularly comfortable with being here alone for an entire night, but certainly we can go out in the evenings and she is fine with that. She is very trustworthy and sensible, so no concerns on that front, but just not someone who enjoys being by themselves and I respect that.

Things are definitely different if siblings/friends present - she’d be perfectly happy for us to go on holiday and leave her at home if others were present in the house! Also would likely have been happy to leave home alone around age 12 if someone else present.

I wouldn’t even question it. Order them a pizza so they’re not tempted to trash your kitchen by cooking and let them have their bonding time (or if they’re anything like mine, their time spent in their rooms on separate screens)